


Left In The Dark...

by East02End



Category: EastEnders
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-24 23:54:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 46
Words: 61,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22006522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/East02End/pseuds/East02End
Summary: In a split second Ben’s world descends into a nightmare...He’s never been more determined to find out the real truth...(Leave your comments, your predictions on what you think will happen, whatever you want!)
Comments: 221
Kudos: 212





	1. Chapter 1

Ben and Callum walked down the street towards home, gripping each other’s hands and grinning at each other, they’d been to a restaurant for dinner for the evening, both a little tipsy. 

“I had a really nice time, Ben. What do you wanna do when we get home?”

“Get out of these clothes first, I’m soaking.”

“I’m sure I can help you with that...” They grinned at each other, swinging their hands slightly. 

“Remind me again whose idea it was to walk home in the rain?”

“Mine and because I’m your favourite person and can’t say no to me, your here, walking home with me, in the rain.”

“Hmm, why did you want to anyway?”

“How many times have you got in a taxi? Probably hundreds of times, just wanted to do something different.”

One or two people were hurrying by, trying to get out of the rain, most taking cars or taxis, than braving the rain. Passing cars spraying them both slightly, but they both carried on walking slowly together clutching each other’s hand. Headlights glinting in the wet tarmac, the dazzle of the lights blinding them every so often. 

Ben let go of Callum’s hand brushing Callum’s hair out of his face, plastered to side of his face. Callum smiled at him, water beading on his eyelashes and the top of his hair.

“Beautiful you are, Cal.” Ben smiled up at Callum holding onto the lapels of his jacket. 

Callum smiled back at him leaning down, pressing a light kiss to Ben’s lips, before they carried on walking swinging their hands. 

They rounded the corner toward home, the flat welcoming them. Callum let go of Ben’s hand walking slightly faster. He turned around walking backwards grinning at Ben. 

“Come on! If you walk any slower, you’ll be going backwards! Thought you wanted to get those wet clothes off?”

Ben grinned at Callum, he was always so full of energy. 

“Certainly do.”

It all happened in a heartbeat. The car coming from nowhere, losing control under the wet road. The squeal of the brakes as Callum thudded against the bonnet of the car, the windscreen cracking under the impact as he spun over the roof landing behind the car in the road. The car skidded across the pavement onto the grass before stopping, churning the grass up. 

“CALLUM!” Ben screamed at him as he ran towards him, throwing himself across the floor, ripping holes in his jeans against the rough road. He crouched beside Callum trying to find a pulse, anything to check if he’s still breathing, not sure if he should move him. The brake lights of the car cast a dull red light over them both as it came to a stop, mud spraying behind its wheels. 

“Callum! Can you hear me?!” Ben sobbed as he looked at Callum lying in the middle of the road, his hands lying open next to him grazed and cut up. His face was a mess, a deep cut down the side of his face. 

“Callum please, I need you to speak to me.” He moved his hair out of his face lightly, scared of touching him, noticing a darkening shadow under his head. 

“Nononono.” He held the sides of Callum’s face gently, his blood pooling onto the road beneath him from the back of his head. He took his hands back from his face, Callum’s head rolling back to the side. Ben looked at his hands covered in Callum’s blood, shaking so much he couldn’t keep them still, whimpering to himself. “Callum, please, I need you to talk to me.”

He shrugged his trench coat off and pulled his jacket off too, placing it under Callum’s head, trying to slow the flow. He pulled Callum into his lap, cradling his whole body, rocking them both slightly. “Please don’t leave me. I just need to get you to the hospital, they’ll help you.”

Ben grabbed Callum’s phone, slipping out of his pocket, the screen smashed, making the front screen of the two of them smiling, distorted. He dropped it, sobbing and fumbled around trying to find his phone, in the deeper pockets of his coat, he could feel Callum’s warm blood trickling down his arm from his head. 

He dialled 999, pressing it against his shoulder and ear as he pulled his coat over Callum, trying to keep him warm. 

“Someone answer! Pleasepleaseplease. Cal needs you!”

Ben sat fully on the floor and pulled Callum right in between his legs, resting Callum’s head against his arm underneath his jacket, supporting his head that Callum couldn’t lift himself. The jacket barley doing anything, blood soaking straight through and trailing down Ben’s arm. 

“Yes! Erm, I need an ambulance now!”

“What? I just said what service I need. I want an ambulance! Why aren’t you listening to me! I’m just outside of Albert square, Walford.”

He put his phone on speaker chucking it on the floor to position Callum in his lap. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” The woman on the other end sounded so calm, it drove Ben crazy. 

“Erm, walking, car, came out of nowhere, hit him.” He tried to get it all out quick enough his breathing becoming fast and irregular trying to stay calm but failing. 

“Why do you need to know what his relationship to me is? It doesn’t matter! Have you sent anyone out yet? My boyfriend’s dying here!” He told the woman his relationship without even knowing. 

“They are going as quick as they can.” The woman replied.

“Well make them go faster then. He needs serious help!”

“Is the car that hit him still there?”

Ben looked up, the car still sitting there with it’s brake lights on, glowing a red light over them. 

“Yeah, I didn’t see who was driving either. I just need someone here now!”

“I can assure you, an ambulance is on it’s way. Is he breathing? Can you find a pulse for me?”

“I can’t! I’ve tried!” He sobbed, clutching Callum wrist, trying to find something to let him know he was still alive. “He won’t respond to me!” He choked out. 

“Has he got any serious injuries?”

“I’ve just said, he’s dying! He’s lost too much blood already on his head. I’ve tried putting my jacket underneath his head, but it’s just soaking through! He might have broken something, I don’t know!”

“That’s great, can you keep applying pressure to it, the services will be here soon.”

“It’s not great! I am putting pressure on it! It’s not working! He can’t die! Please!”

“We’re going to do everything we can for him. Can you tell me his name and your name?”

“Erm, Cal, Callum. He’s dying. I just need someone’s help.”

“Someone’s on they’re way to help Callum...”

“Ben.”

“We’re going to do everything we can for Callum, Ben. Try not to worry.”

“TRY NOT TO WORRY??!! My boyfriend has probably broken so many bones and his head is bleeding all over the floor and me! HOW CAN I NOT WORRY??!! He’s dying!!”

He sobbed to himself clutching Callum’s hand. “He might already be dead...” He whimpered. “Please, Cal, I’m begging you. You can’t die! I need you. I can’t lose you...” He stroked his hair out of his face, choking out another sob, as it made his hands even more red with his blood. 

“The ambulance is nearly with you, just keep doing what your doing, Ben and keep Callum warm for me.”

Ben nodded even though the woman wouldn’t be able to see him, wrapping his coat further around Callum and pulling him closer to him. He looked up as he heard a ambulance nearby but swore to himself when the sounds trailed off into the other direction, away from them both. 

“Please, anyone. Come on, Cal, stay with me. I need you to do something, anything. I just need you to let me know if your alive...” He carried on stroking Callum’s hair, smearing more blood across his hands, trying to get him to respond, letting Callum know he was here. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Cal, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll make sure you get to the hospital, they’ll help.”

“That’s really good Ben, keep talking to him.”

Ben forgot he was still on the phone to the woman. 

“I am! What’s the point, he’s not doing anything, I don’t even know if he’s breathing!”

“He might still be conscious. Callum might be able to still hear your voice, so keep talking to him, it’ll really help him. That’s all you can do for him, right now.”

“Did you hear that Cal, I need you to listen to me, yeah? I need you to stay with me. I know you can’t tell me what you had for breakfast, like you asked me, but I’m still gonna talk to you. Like you did when I got shot. I’m here Cal, right here, it’s all gonna be okay.”

Every so often he kept pulling Callum further into his lap, as he lay limp in his arms not responding to Ben at all. 

“We both need to stop getting into situations like this. Must be some serious bad luck on our side, with me getting shot and you getting yourself run over.”

Ben carried on stroking his hair out of his face, Callum’s blood becoming sticky on his hands as it started to dry. 

“Please don’t be dead already.” He whispered. 

“Ben? Someone is coming to help, just do what your doing for me.”

“I am! I wrapped my coat around him to keep him warm but he’s not responding to anything. I don’t think he can even move himself, apart from me pulling him into my lap. I don’t even know if he’s still breathing.”

“You’ve done everything we would have asked you too. Just keep trying to find a pulse for me.”

Ben just sat there crying, rocking them both gently, stroking his hair. He sobbed when he looked at the state of Callum’s face, the deep cut on the side of his face, trickling blood slowly down his face and neck, the other cut in his hair still pooling onto Ben’s jacket and down his arm. 

“Please don’t leave me...” Ben whined, he could still hear the woman on the other end, giving him encouragement, but he barely heard it, he was too busy trying to keep Callum warm and pressing the jacket to his head. 

“How’s Callum doing, Ben?”

“He’s the same as he was when I first called! He’s not moving or responding to my voice or touch. He’s just lying here all... limp. He can’t even lift his own head! He could already be dead, when he hit the car. I can’t find a pulse! I’m trying! He’s lost so much blood... it’s all on me and the road, the jacket is soaked with it...”

“Just keep applying pressure on his head, Ben.”

“I am, I am!! I need an ambulance now!”

“They’re nearly here Ben. Just keep talking to Callum for me.”

“Okay, okay. Erm, Cal? I don’t know if you can still hear me, but help’s on its way. It’s nearly here she said.”

His hand just slid off Callum’s hair now, it was so slippery with his blood. Callum’s hair didn’t even look his usual light brown colour anymore it was soaked with his blood making it look almost black. 

Ben stroked the side of Callum’s face with the back of his hand gently, avoiding his deep cut. If he didn’t have the cuts on his face he’d look like he was sleeping. 

“Look at you, being lazy and falling asleep. Couldn’t wait til you got home could you?” Ben smiled at him, his tears falling onto Callum’s face as they rolled down his cheek, turning red as they mixed with his blood. 

Ben looked up as he could hear an ambulance siren nearby, it must have only been a couple of streets away. 

“Can you hear that Cal? Someone’s nearly here. I just need you to hang in there. If your still with me...” 

He held his hand over the side of Callum’s face, slowly becoming cold from being outside for so long, stroking him with his thumb lightly. 

The ambulance slowly got closer to them, Ben making sure his coat was still wrapped around Callum. 

The red glow of the car got brighter as the driver heard the ambulance approaching. Ben turned to look as the car squealed under the wet road, as it skidded it’s breaks and sped away from them both. 

He held Callum closer to him, keeping him as warm as he could, rocking them both, keeping his hand on the side of his face, crying to himself as Callum lay unresponsive in his arms. 

The red glow over them gone. 

Leaving them alone together in the dark...

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This mainly focuses on Ben, his mix of emotions.
> 
> (Feel free to leave your predictions on what you’ll think will happen! 😉)

Ben managed to choke out a cry of help, tears streaming down his face, when the ambulance arrived, gripping onto Callum tighter, as two paramedics came rushing over. 

“How is he?” One of them asked. 

“I don’t know!” He whined. “He’s been like this since he got hit. There’s so much blood... Please, he needs proper help!”

“We’re gonna need you to let him go, so we take him to the hospital.”

Ben looked at Callum, lying in his arms, then up at the man waiting for Ben to let him go. He unwrapped his arms from around Callum, allowing them to take a look at him, pulling the coat off him for the paramedics. 

He was still sitting on the floor, stroking Callum’s hair as the men crouched down to check him over, not even looking at Ben as he sat crying, trying to breath normally but failing. 

“We’ve got broken bones, so we’re gonna need a stretcher from the van.” He told the other man. “Possible spinal injury, we’re gonna have to do this very carefully.”

“He’s alive?” A wave of nausea hit him like a ton of bricks. He breathed a sigh of relief, it was something at least, that he was still breathing.

“Just about, he’s barely breathing but he’s still got a very weak pulse, that’s probably why you couldn’t find one.” The man turned to the other paramedic, talking urgently to him. “He’s barely conscious, with a low count pulse rate. He’s lost a lot of blood from multiple wounds, mostly from his head and has a least five broken ribs, a broken leg and a possible spinal injury. The wound in his head seems to be the worst, he needs to go straight to surgery at the other end.”

Ben sobbed as they took Callum from his arms, placing him on one of their stretchers. 

“Please, don’t hurt him.” He whispered. 

“We’re going to take good care of him...” The paramedic looked at him, waiting for a name. 

“Ben... Mitchell. I just need him to be okay.” He whimpered. 

“We’ll know more when we get him to hospital, Ben. Have you got any injuries?”

“I wasn’t the one who got hit! I’m fine! Just please take him to where he should be, he needs help.”

“Your probably in shock.”

“Shock! Pfft. That’s an understatement. I’ve just watched my boyfriend get run over and he’s been lying in my arms dying, with nobody to help him.”

“Why don’t you go get yourself cleaned up then come back to the hospital when we’ll know more.”

“Are you insane! I’m not going anywhere, he needs me.”

“We’ll clean you up at the hospital then, can you call anyone to bring you both some clean clothes and stuff for Callum?”

“Erm, yeah, I think so.”

Ben followed the paramedics into the ambulance sitting next to Callum, sobbing to himself, looking at the state of him. He grabbed Callum’s hand, letting him know he was still with him. 

“Cal? Your gonna be okay. You’ve got to be...” He rested his head on Callum’s arm, gripping onto his hand with both of his, whispering to himself, praying that he would be okay. “Please Cal, you need to be okay. I need you. Lexi needs you. You’ve got loads of people that need you. You can’t leave us...”

Ben looked up when he realised one of the paramedics was talking to him. 

“Were you just a bystander or were you together when the incident happened?”

“Do you think I’d be like this if I was just a bystander! I just watched my boyfriend get run over by some lunatic! I need him to be okay, just do something?!” 

Ben choked out a sob, as they placed a mask over Callum’s face, helping him breathe. 

“Can you tell us his name, age?”

“Callum Highway, 28. Please help him...”

“We’re doing everything we can right now, he’ll be going straight into surgery when we get there. We shouldn’t be too far now. You told the emergency services on the phone the car was still there?”

“It was at the time. It was just sitting by the side of the road the whole time. Nobody even got out to check on Cal, but then it heard the ambulance and drove away.”

Ben watched the man as he dialled a number on his phone.

“Can you contact the police on the young man who got run over?” He paused listening to the person on the other end before replying. “Erm, Callum Highway. It’s now a hit and run incident. His boyfriend has told us an account that the driver left the scene and drove away when he heard us approaching.”

“You need to find that person, they could have killed Cal! They still could! He’s barely alive!”

“We’ve passed it onto the police department, they will do everything they can to find the person. I think you should be worrying about your boyfriend right now.”

“Do I look like I’m not worrying! He’s still dying and that crazy person is still out there. Surely it can’t be that hard to find. Just looked for Callum’s blood all over his bonnet! Have you not seen the state of him! And the cracked windscreen!”

“I can assure you we will do everything we can for both you and Callum. We will be looking for the car and the driver and checking the area around it. Tyre tracks and scattered glass.”

“Are they looking now?”

“We’ve sent someone out right away.”

“Good because if you don’t find the person who did this. I WILL. And they won’t be able breath for themselves either!”

“We are doing everything we can Ben, we’ll also be checking any garages around here within a certain mile radius, making sure if anyone has checked their car in to be fixed and what for. We are trained in this sort of thing Ben, you can’t go around threatening people.”

“Wouldn’t you when your boyfriend’s barely alive and still bleeding. Why aren’t you doing anything!”

“This is everything we can do right now.”

“Well, it’s not helping him! He can’t die. I need him!”

Ben hurried after them as they rushed Callum down the corridors. The paramedics relaying all the information to the surgeon. 

“Callum Highway. 28. Very low pulse count. Barley conscious. Involved in a hit and run. According to his boyfriend he hit the bonnet first, then windscreen before rolling over the roof and onto the road. We’ve been careful how we moved him. He may have a spinal injury but definitely has multiple broken bones and deep wounds. The main wound in his head, most likely the first impact that hit the ground. May have internal bleeding or damaged organs.”

Ben sobbed as he listened to his long list of injuries, following them, until one of the paramedics stopped him. 

“You need to stay here.”

“I can’t leave him! He needs me!”

“There won’t be anything you can do, apart from wait for him when he comes out of surgery, we’ll let you know, as soon as we finish.”

“No! I need to be with him.” He struggled against one of the men as they wrapped an arm around him, keeping him where he was. He barely put up a fight, too drained to get the man off him. 

Ben whined and threw himself into one of the chairs as they took Callum away, closing the doors behind, leaving him and the paramedic.

He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths, trying to control his breathing. The paramedic stayed for a while, making sure he was okay. 

“Why don’t you ring someone, let them know what’s happening. I need to get back in the ambulance.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that.” 

The man turned around and started walking towards the exit. 

“Oh and thank you, I wouldn’t have been able to help Cal, without you and the woman on the phone.”

He turned around and smiled at Ben. 

“That’s my job.”

“Yeah well. If it weren’t for you, Cal wouldn’t be here now. He’d still be out there, in my arms. Sorry for shouting at you.”

“Everyone does. I tend not to take it personally.” He chuckled. 

“You shouldn’t.” 

Ben let out a shaky breath resting his head against the wall behind him. 

“Come on Cal, you’ve got to be okay.” He whispered. 

He looked at Callum’s phone he was still holding, looking at the front screen of the two of them, all smashed. He buried it in his pocket and took out his own, scrolling through his contacts, working out who to call first. 

He stared at his hands around his phone, covered with Callum’s blood, sobbing to himself, shakily holding the phone up to his ear. 

It took a couple of rings until it picked up. He nearly gave up and rang someone else. 

“Jay! I- Lex? Where’s Jay darlin’? What you doing with his phone?”

“Hi daddy, Jay’s in the kitchen. I’m gonna watch a film with Mummy, Jay and Nanny Kathy. He’s getting me loads of chocolate and popcorn!” Ben smiled as he heard her giggling on the other end. 

“Can you give the phone to Jay for me? I need to speak to him.”

“Okay!”

“Good girl.” 

He could hear her talking to Jay. 

“Daddy wants you, he needs to speak to you now.”

“Now? Thought he was out with Callum tonight.”

“Dunno, he wants you.”

There was a silence before anyone spoke again.

“Ben? You alright?”

“Not really... I didn’t know who else to call.” He sobbed, letting his tears fall, now Lexi had gone. 

“Ben! What’s wrong!”

“It’s Cal...”

“What happened?”

“We were walking home and... someone run him over.” He choked out.

“What! Who! Is he alright?”

“I don’t know anything! He was just lying in my arms bleeding.”

“Lying in... Where are you?”

“At the hospital. They brought him in.”

“That’s good. What do you need?”

“I need you to bring some stuff for him and some clothes for me any will do, I’m covered in his blood.”

“Covered!”

“I don’t even know if he’s still alive Jay!” He whined. 

“I’ll get Lo to come with me. It’s nearly nine anyway, Lex will be going bed soon. Lex can stay with Kathy. Was it bad?”

“He didn’t move the whole while I was holding him, he just lay there. He wasn’t responding to me at all, Jay!”

“Whole while?! So he wasn’t even talking to you... You must have been waiting for an ambulance for ages!”

“I was! He was bleeding out on me. He’d already lost so much blood. He can’t die!” He dropped his phone in his lap, crying to himself and choking out his sobs. 

“Ben? We’re on our way. You still there?”

Jay had already hung up and was probably on his way when Ben picked up the phone to talk to him again. 

“Lo!” Jay hissed urgently from the kitchen, trying to get her attention from the film they were watching with Lexi. He’d already grabbed a change of clothes for Ben and a couple of clothes for Callum he’d left in Ben’s room. 

“Lo!” 

She looked up at him frowning, as he nodded to the kitchen and disappeared. 

“What? Lex’ll be moaning at you for not being quick enough.”

“Right. Long story short, Callum’s in the hospital, Ben’s with him, we need to go now.”

“What?!”

She was already grabbing her car keys and the overnight bag on the side, rushing out the door. 

“How is he?” She asked climbing into the driving side. 

“Ben or Callum?”

“Both.”

“I’m not too sure about Callum. Think he’s in a bad way. Ben wasn’t make much sense, he was crying so much. I’ve never heard him like that before Lo, I’m worried about him.”

“Well you can talk to him, calm him down when you get there. Did he say what happened?”

“Not really. Just they were walking home and a car hit him. It’s not looking good for him, he didn’t respond to Ben at all. If Callum doesn’t recover or even survive from this, it might break him, Lo.”

“How come Ben didn’t get hit, if they were walking together?”

“I don’t know that much. Ben was just sobbing and crying to himself. He said that Callum lost a lot blood.”

Ben had been sitting there for hours waiting for someone to tell him how Callum was, pacing up and down the corridors. He looked up when a few of the staff from the hospital rushed down the corridors. 

“What’s happening?!”

He followed them before one of them stopped him. 

“What’s happening?”

“We’ve been called into an emergency surgery involving a Mr Callum Highway.”

“Callum! I need to be with him, what’s wrong?!”

“We can’t say at this time, please just wait here until one of us can tell you more.”

“I need to know what’s happening if there’s about a hundred of you going to help him, you can’t tell me it’s going well, if your all rushing over there.”

“Please stay here. I’m needed.” He turned around to leave, Ben rushing in front of him. 

“I’m not leaving Cal, when he needs me.” He glared at the man, as he turned him around.

“Stay. Here.” He hurried through the door, it locking as it clicked shut. 

“No!” Tears falling down his face again. He punched the wall beside him, not noticing Jay and Lola walking through the door. “Cal! I need you!” He wiped his tears away roughly, forgetting his hands were still covered in Callum’s blood, leaving some on his cheek. 

He sank to the floor by the door, in the corner as they hurried over to him.

“Nononono! He can’t die!” Jay frowned at Ben as he hugged his knees and rocked himself on the floor, like he was in a trance. 

“Ben?!” Jay sat on the floor next to him, Ben burying his head into Jay’s arm crying and choking out his sobs.

“Shshsh, it’s alright Ben. We’re here now.”

“But Callum’s not, Jay!” He whined. 

“He’s gonna get through this. He’s tough, been in the army remember.” 

Jay winced when he looked up noticing Lola shaking her head at him, promising Ben it was all going to be okay when it might not be.

“He can’t die! I need him!”

“I know you do.” He whispered. 

“Oh, Ben, look at the state of you. You’ve got blood everywhere! And on your face. You must have been terrified!”

Lola crouched down next to him, wiping his face with her thumb, smearing the blood some more. 

“You need to clean yourself up, Ben.”

“I don’t need to do anything Lo, apart from wait for Cal to come back out!”

“I know, but you don’t want Callum waking up, seeing you like this. Just clean yourself up, change your clothes, then you can wait for Callum.”

Ben nodded and sat up, sniffling, still clutching his coat. He buried his nose in it, taking a deep breath. He could smell Callum on it, from when it was wrapped around him. It calmed him down slightly, knowing that he still had a bit of Callum with him. 

Ben walked into the one of the bathrooms at the hospital bracing his hands on the sink, bowing his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He only went in there to get rid of Jay and Lola. 

He let out a shaky breath, opening his eyes. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Callum lying in the middle of the road after the car had hit him. He didn’t know what he’d do if he lost him. 

“Please Cal, I need you to get better.”

He turned the tap on, draping the coat over his arm before sticking his hands under the boiling water not even bothered that it was burning him. He just stood there staring at his hands watching the blood running from his hands turning the water a dark shade of crimson and washing away. His hands starting to go numb, he just needed to feel some kind of pain. He didn’t even need to close his eyes to keep seeing images of Callum getting hit. 

“Ben! What the hell are you doing!” Jay rushed over yanking his arms away from the water. Ben ripped them free of Jay’s grasp, glaring at him. 

“What am I doing?! What are you doing? You tell me to clean myself up and when I do, you tell me not to! Just make up your mind Jay!” 

Jay didn’t even react to Ben shouting at him. He just turned the water off, watching as the hot steam dispersed into the air. 

“Why are you doing this to yourself Ben? What would Callum think, you trying to hurt yourself.”

“Callum isn’t thinking anything because he can’t do anything!” 

He fisted his hands, using all his strength to restrain himself from punching the wall again. 

“Just stop and think for a minute. You know he wouldn’t want you to be like this.”

“I can’t help it Jay! He’s probably in there dying! He could already be dead. They won’t tell me anything! You didn’t see all the people rushing over into the surgery room with him.”

He brought his hands up to his face, burying his head in his hands, sinking against the wall, sliding onto the floor. 

“I can’t lose him!!!” He whined. 

Jay sat next to him, as Ben started crying again, sobbing, trying to breathe. He kept choking out more sobs. He felt like he was suffocating, gasping for breath, his heart pounding. 

“Just breathe Ben. I think your having a panic attack.” Jay wrapped his arms around him, Ben resting his head on Jay’s shoulder, trying to breathe.

They stayed there in silence for a while, Jay rubbing down his arms. 

“You okay now?” He whispered. 

Ben nodded, sitting up, hugging his knees, grabbing the coat off the floor and clutching it closer to him, trying to smell Callum. 

“I love him, Jay.” He whispered more to himself than to Jay. 

Jay shot his head up to look at Ben. He’d never heard him say that before. 

“He’s going to be okay.”

Ben looked at him, unshed tears making his eyes shine. 

“You don’t know that!” He voice cracking as he tried to hold back yet another sob. 

“No, I don’t. But I know Callum. And I bet he’s using all the strength he’s got, to get through this. For you, Ben. Because I reckon he loves you too.”

Jay smiled at him, as he saw Ben smile slightly at the coat. 

“Come ‘ere.” Jay held his arm out, Ben leaning into him. 

They stayed silent for a while, Ben staring into space, afraid of what he’d see if he closed his eyes again.

“Do you wanna get cleaned up now?” Jay said after a while. 

Ben nodded, inhaling Callum’s scent from the coat once more before standing up and walking over to the sink. 

“You gonna need to let go of the coat to wash your hands.”

“I don’t want to... It smells like Cal...”

“Come on Ben. Your saying it like he’s died. He’s still hanging in there. You need to have faith in him.”

“I do, I just don’t know what to do. I’m feel hopeless, I want to help him but I can’t.”

“You helped by being with Callum and talking to him, before the ambulance got there. And your here now, waiting for him. He could probably hear you talking to him.”

“Maybe...”

“You are the one he’d have wanted to be with him when he got...” Jay noticed Ben’s face drop again. “And he’ll want you there when he wakes up. You are doing everything you can for him, right now.”

He took the coat gently from Ben, watching as he looked a little lost. 

“You can have it back as soon as your done.”

Ben nodded and turned on the hot tap, not getting a chance to do anything before Jay turned it off and put the cold on instead. 

“Aw, come on Jay!”

“No! You use that or your not having this back.” Jay took a step away from him, Ben eyes never leaving the coat. 

“Come on, I’m not letting you hurt yourself again. Just hurry up, then you can wait for Callum to come out.”

Ben did as he was told, rinsing his hands, wincing as his cuts in his knuckles stung, from where he punched the wall. He turned, getting changed in a cubicle before returning back to Jay. 

“Good enough for you?”

Jay looked him over before holding the coat out, Ben snatching it back and glaring at him. 

“Right come on, let’s go wait for him.” Jay offered him a smile before opening the door for Ben to pass through. 

They were barely out the door, when Lola came rushing over, looking panicked.

“Where have you two been doing in there? You were ages!” 

Ben looked up spotting a man and a nurse waiting behind her. 

“There’s someone who wants to speak to you about Callum...”

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don’t ask where I got the name Nick Winter from.  
> Just came up with the first name that came to me! I’ve got more on Callum’s condition in the next chapter!

“Please don’t tell me he’s...” Ben ran his hands through his hair, sitting down in the chair slowly. 

The nurse hurriedly sat down next to him. He brought his knees up to his chest, hugging them and rocking himself again. 

“Ben? Ben! Look at me.” Ben reluctantly lifted his head up to look at the nurse. 

“He’s still in surgery.” She told him. 

“Still! He’s been in there for hours? What do you want then?”

“This police man wants to ask you a few questions about what happened.” She nodded behind her. Ben looked up, spotting the police man standing there. 

“Is that really a good idea? Look at the state of him, does he look like he wants to relive the whole thing again?” Jay said, trying to get the police officer to go away. 

“The quicker we know what’s happened, the sooner we can find the car and the driver, Ben.” The police man told Ben, ignoring Jay. 

Ben nodded slowly. 

“You sure, Ben? If your not ready, you can wait.” The nurse added. She glared at the police officer. “He’s not in any fit state to be answering any questions now, can’t you come back later?”

Ben nodded again, bringing his legs back down slowly. 

“I can do it. I want to. I want you to find whoever did this to Cal.” 

“We’ll wait here for when you get back.” Lola smiled at him, still holding the bag they’d brought with them. 

Ben followed the police man into a room, not even sure where he’d gone or which corridors they’d been down, still clutching onto his coat. 

“Do you want a cup of tea?”

Ben ignored him and sat in one of the chairs, furthest away, in the corner, inhaling Callum’s scent from the coat before arranging it over his legs like a blanket. He didn’t even care that Callum’s dried blood was all over it, it still smelt like him. 

The police man returned holding out a steaming mug for Ben. He didn’t want it but took it anyway, without saying anything, cradling it in both his hands. It wasn’t hot enough to burn, just warming his hands. They still looked slightly pink from Callum’s blood and being under the hot tap for too long. 

“Got anything stronger?” He didn’t look up from his tea when he asked the police officer. That was the first time Ben had spoken to him since they’d walked over to the room and sat down. 

“‘Fraid not. I’m Detective Inspector Nick Winter, not that you probably care. I’m going to do everything I can to find the person for you and Callum, Ben.” 

Ben still ignored him, staring into his mug. 

“I’m sorry to have to ask you questions, but I need to know what happened, so we can find who did this Callum and why they drove away.”

“It all happened so fast...” Ben whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to stop himself from crying again. He opened them again, returning to staring at the mug. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Callum hitting the car. 

“You didn’t happen to see the registration plate did you?”

“No.”

“What did the driver look like?”

“I didn’t see into the car.”

“Do you know if there was more than one person in the car.”

“I didn’t see inside.” Ben repeated, getting agitated.

“Did you catch a glimpse of the colour?” Nick shook his head, this was pointless. 

“Red. Or Black. I don’t know. Grey?” Ben’s voice was dull and wooden. Ben had not looked up at him once, since they’d been here, the tea no longer steaming. 

“Can you tell me why only Callum got hit and not you too?”

“He started walking faster, cos he could see home and it was raining. He looked so happy...”

Nick watched him, not speaking, letting Ben tell him in his own time. 

“The car hit Callum first, cos I was further back. It was my fault!” He whined. He dropped his tea on the floor, clutching the coat closer to him, his voice cracking into a low moan. 

“It isn’t your fault, Ben. We will find who did this to Callum.” He picked up the half empty mug quickly giving it back to Ben, watching some of the tea sink into the carpet. 

“If I hadn’t let him walk home in the rain, and told him to get in a taxi, it wouldn’t have happened!!” He sobbed burying his head in the coat. 

“You can’t have predicted these things, Ben. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Or if I didn’t let go of his hand, he wouldn’t have been in front of me. The car might have missed him!”

“And what if he’d pulled you with him, you both would have been hit!”

“I don’t care! Callum’s still stuck in here though isn’t he! He should be at home with me!” He stood up and threw the mug at the wall as it shattered spraying tea everywhere. He sank to the floor in the corner, sobbing into his coat. 

“We’re not getting anywhere, so I’ll leave you and go get your family instead. I’ll tell you if we’ve got anything new, were sending alerts to all garages around here and a fifty mile radius. Well will find the person who did this, Ben.” Nick stood up and turned to leave. 

“I’m sorry...” He whispered, Nick barely hearing it. 

“I know your hurting, Ben. It’s only a mug. Why don’t you go home and rest until you know more?”

“Cal might need me.” He whimpered. 

“Well, I’ll go get your family then.”

Ben ignored him hugging the coat closer to him and rocking himself again, choking out his sobs. He felt like his was suffocating again, trying to breathe but failing. The accident playing over and over in his head, Callum slamming against the car and landing in the road. He whimpered and moaned to himself, scrunching his eyes shut, he kept seeing it happen with his eyes open anyway, so he kept them shut. 

Jay and Lola stood outside and waited for the DI and Ben to come out. 

“He tried to hurt himself, I walked in and he was just standing there staring at his hands under the hot tap. I’ve never seen him like that before Lo, even when Paul died he never tried to hurt himself.” Jay paced outside the door, as Lola sat down. 

“He cares about Callum a lot. If Callum doesn’t get through this, it’s gonna kill him.”

“Well, I’m gonna have to keep an eye on him. He can’t keep doing that to himself. He just sat on the floor crying having a panic attack. I’ve never seen him do that before either. “

“A panic attack?!”

“Hmm, told me he loved him too.”

“Even I know he does, Jay. Anyone can see that.”

“I know, I just meant he’s never said it out loud. Don’t even think he’s said it to Callum. He’s become obsessed with his coat too. Said it smells like Callum.”

“That’s all he’s got of Callum right now.”

They both looked up as Nick walked out the room without Ben. 

“You need to go and see him, practically threw a mug at me.”

“What? I’m so sorry, he’s not usually like that.” Lola apologised for him. 

“It’s okay, he’s not in a good way. Think he needs you both. I’ll let you know if anything new comes up.” He offered them a smile before, leaving. 

Lola rushed into the room, spotting the tea up the wall and the scattered glass underneath it, before seeing Ben, struggling to breathe in the corner. 

“Ben!” She crossed the room in a couple of strides sinking to the floor next to him, wrapping her arms around him. “Just breathe for me.”

“I... can’t...” He choked out. 

“Yes you can, Ben! Just take deep breaths and slow down.”

Jay sat on the chair next to them, watching Lola trying to calm him down. 

“He’s been in there for hours, surely they know something by now?” Jay asked. 

“I don’t know... no one will tell me anything.” 

“I’ll go find out what’s happening.” 

Jay disappeared, leaving Lola alone with Ben. 

“I can’t do it, Lo.”

“Can’t do what?”

“Just sit here and wait for the police to do nothing.”

“They’re doing everything they can, Ben. They will find the person who did this.”

Ben sat up, gripping the coat. “I’m gonna find whoever did this and I’m gonna kill ‘em.”

“No, your not Ben!”

“Yes, I am Lo.” He snapped back. “And as soon as I do, they are gonna feel like what Callum’s feeling.”

“Ben! Just stop, okay? Leave it to the police. Callum is your priority now and I’m not going to let you ruin your life by killing someone, when Callum needs you!”

Lola looked at Ben, seeing the fire in his eyes. 

“I need... to wait for him...” He shook his head, the anger leaving his eyes. He stood up and walked out, not waiting for Lola. 

She hurried after Ben, spotting Jay, rushing over. 

“Where’s Ben gone?”

“I thought he went back to wait for Callum. He’s not coping Jay. He’s either crying and having panic attacks or threatening to kill whoever run him over.”

“I need to find him, he probably went the other way.” He spun around marching off in search of Ben. 

“Jay! What is it?” He ignored her, hurrying through the corridors. 

“Ben!” Jay called him, as he spotted him walking slowly back to where he waited. 

Ben rolled his eyes and ignored him, knowing he was going to give him a lecture, not to kill anyone. 

“Ben! Stop ignoring me! It’s Callum.”

Ben stopped dead in his tracks, slowly sitting down on the nearest chair. Jay rushed over, Lola following behind. 

“Wait.” Ben told him. He concentrated on his breathing, scared of what Jay was going to tell him. 

“Is it bad?” He whispered. 

“Wait, they never told me anything. They want to speak to you.”

“Me? Oh god. It’s bad isn’t it.” He wrapped his arms around the coat, inhaling Callum’s scent. 

“Why don’t you come and see?”

“I can’t...”

“Yes you can Ben. You can do this, whatever happens. Me and Lo are gonna be here with you.”

Ben nodded but still didn’t move. 

“What if he’s...”

“We’re still going to be here for you.”

Ben closed his eyes, taking deep breaths, Callum’s scent filling his nose. 

“Okay.”

“Okay, you gonna come with us? Or okay, your staying here?”

“I’m coming. I need to come. Cal needs me.”

Jay smiled at him, standing up. 

Ben looked up at him, before returning his gaze to the coat and standing up and walking slowly to where he’d left Callum. 

A nurse was waiting when they’d got there. 

“Ben, there you are, Love. I’ve got some news for you...”

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

“Do you want to see him?” The nurse asked him. 

Jay smiled at him as a grin crossed Ben’s face, nodding vigorously to her, a tear slipping down his face. 

“Yeah, I really want to see him.”

“Now, he’s not looking too good right now but we’ve patched him up as best we could. I’ll explain everything once you’ve a chance to see him. Don’t freak out too much, it looks worse than it is.”

“Can I see him now? I need to see him.”

“Course. I’ll be back in a minute, give you two some time alone, while I go fetch some more of his meds.”

“We’ll wait here, come get us when your ready or need us.” Lola told him. 

Ben walked into the room, his tears streaming down his face when he saw the state of Callum. 

“Oh, Cal...” He whined, rushing over to sit next to him, draping the coat on the bed next to him, clutching his hand. 

Callum had so many tubes coming out of him, helping him breathe, a large bandage around his head, another around his chest and a neck brace, supporting his head. His right arm and his left leg in a cast. 

“Look at the state of you Cal...” Ben sobbed to himself resting his head on Callum’s arm, only his sobs and the steady beeping of the heart monitor in the background to be heard. 

“I know I’ve only not seen you for a few hours... but I missed you.”

He stroked his thumb across Callum’s hand slowly, just looking at his face. He didn’t think he ever wanted to look away again. 

“Still think you look beautiful.” He smiled at him, squeezing his hand gently. They’d cleaned his deep cut on his face, and put stitches in it, other grazes and cuts, scattering his face. 

“I’ve never told you this, but I want you to know... that I love you...”

He reached up lightly stroking his face, scared to touch him in case it caused him any more pain. 

“I love you... so much. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. I can’t. I need you Cal...” He squeezed his eyes shut and sobbed, resting his head on Callum’s arm again, letting his tears fall. 

“Should I go and see him?” Jay whispered to Lola. 

“Not yet. He’s allowed a cry, Jay. Look at the state of Callum, he doesn’t look good does he?”

“We don’t even know what’s happening yet, the nurse hasn’t even told Ben.”

“She only went to get Callum some meds, she’ll be back soon.”

Ben looked up at him again, wiping his eyes roughly, not letting go of Callum’s hand, stroking lightly, whilst talking to him. 

“I wish I’d have told you that I love you sooner. I know you’ve not said it yet, but I just really wished I’d have told you before all of this happened. I’ve loved you for months, Cal. Probably right from the start. I just want you to come home. I know it won’t be for a while though, but I’m gonna be with you, every step of the way. Whatever happens, I’m right here, with you.”

Ben tore his gaze away from Callum’s face as the nurse returned, checking all his stats and adding something to one the machines. 

“Right, I’ve given him another dose of morphine. I bet you want to know what’s happening?” She smiled at Ben.

He nodded, still clutching Callum’s hand, absently stroking him, whilst listening to the nurse. 

“His leg and arm should heal on their own in time.”

“That’s good isn’t it, he’ll still be able to walk.”

“That’s where it gets complicated.”

“Complicated? How? You just said the broken leg will heal.”

“He had a serious knock to his head, damaging some of his spine, Ben.”

“Yeah, he might have a bit of a headache when he wakes up, or find walking slightly weird, I know that, but it’s not like he’s gonna forget who I am is it?” He tried to convince himself. 

“We don’t know how he’ll be when he wakes up. Look, I’m not gonna sugar coat it, he’s your boyfriend and you want to know what’s happening.” She pulled a chair round, sitting next to him. “From what you tell us and what we can see from the surgery, he hit his head pretty hard. And from our findings, we think that the first impact on the ground was his head.”

“Yeah? What are you saying? That he’ll probably be a bit... out of it for a few days, after he wakes up.”

“Maybe...”

“Maybe! What do you mean?!”

“Callum had a serious knock to his head...”

“I know you keep saying, but your just avoiding telling me. Just tell me, I want to know.”

“Callum could have a brain disfunction.”

“What’s that even mean? I don’t know what any of this means.”

Lola and Jay saw Ben getting angrier, walking slowly into the room sitting down on the opposite side of the bed to Ben and the nurse. 

“He could develop different disfunctions, but we won’t know how serious it is until he wakes up. It could be amnesia, epilepsy or could have behavioural or personality changes.”

“Personality...” He looked down at his hand in Callum’s, a tear falling onto Callum’s hand. “You mean, he could be a completely different person... or... actually forget me?”

“Possibly. And because of the damage to his brain, it may take a lot longer for his neck and spine to heal.”

“Meaning he might not be able to...” He scrunched his eyes shut, trying to make it all stop. “Walk either...” He managed to choke out. 

“It’s difficult to tell at this time.”

“And why were you all rushing over to him during surgery?”

“You know he broke a lot of bones, he’s broken five of his ribs, one of his ribs had actually snapped in half, puncturing one of lungs, that’s why he couldn’t breathe or speak to you, before the ambulance came. During the surgery, he lost a lot more blood when we removed it, causing his lung to collapse instantly, we just needed another surgeon to assist, immediately.”

“But my lung started collapsing when I got shot, I didn’t just... stop breathing.”

“His lung collapsed suddenly, due to the pressure build up, causing internal bleeding.”

“Internal bleeding?! And did you fix it?”

“We patched him up as best we could. If there aren’t any complications to his lung, it should heal properly.”

“Is that everything? Or are you gonna tell me he’s got heart failure next?”

“He hasn’t got heart failure. I’m sorry, I’ve had to tell you all this, Ben. But I can’t tell you much, until we know the state he’ll be in when he wakes up. We’re keeping him sedated for the next few days, until we wake him up, then we’ll get a better idea of what’s happening.”

“So he’s not in a coma? That’s good isn’t it?”

“Yes, he’s still fighting himself, instead of having to be comatose and have assisted support. That’s a good sign Ben.”

She squeezed his shoulder, before leaving as he buried his head in Callum’s arm, sobbing uncontrollably, choking out low moans. 

Jay walked round sitting next him, rubbing down his back.

“The nurse said he’s fighting, Ben. Hold onto that.”

Jay and Lola exchanged a worried glance as Ben sat there crying, clutching Callum’s hand. 

“We’re gonna need to start letting people know what’s happened or happening rather. And Kathy will wonder where we got to. I’ll go ring everyone I can think of, that okay Ben?”

“I will too, there’s a lot of people who will want to see him.” Lola added. 

Jay left, Lola following, as Ben nodded to them, still not lifting his head up of Callum arm. 

“Please Cal...” He begged. “Please... I need you to do everything you can to get better. I love you too much to lose you...” He kept his head on Callum’s arm, stroking his hand slowly. 

“How you doing?” Ben sighed to himself, sensing Jay just standing there waiting for an answer. He lifted his head to look at Callum before looking at Jay instead. 

“Apart from my boyfriend has brain damage, spine damage, internal bleeding and about fifty broken bones? I’m great Jay, thanks for asking. Oh and he might wake up and forget me or just decide nah, I don’t like him anymore coz he’s got whole other personality!”

“That’s worse case scenario, Ben. He might do okay.”

“Does he look okay!! No! What are the chances he’ll make a full recovery with absolutely no damage to him?! So just go away, Jay and leave me alone!” He shouted.

“No.” Jay was so calm, ignoring Ben and staying anyway. 

“What?!”

“I’m not leaving you, when your like this.”

Jay sat down next to him, Ben burying his head into Jay again. His anger towards him gone, instead holding onto Jay for support. 

“I just need him to be okay!” He whined. 

“Sh, I know.” Jay held onto him while he cried, noticing Ben had still not let go of Callum’s hand. 

Ben looked up as a nurse came in giving Callum more meds. 

“More?! But you only gave him some like half and hour ago!”

“He needs a lot to keep his strength up and I’ve gave him some to keep him sedated. Why don’t you go home and rest for a while, we won’t be able to tell you anything until he wakes up in a couple of days.”

“What if he wakes up and I’m not here?”

“He won’t. We’re keeping him sedated until we think he’s ready. You don’t want yourself getting ill because your not sleeping.”

“But you said he might be able to still hear me. What if he needs me and I’m not here.”

“Callum won’t want you getting yourself ill will he?”

“Suppose not.” Ben looked at Callum longingly, still not wanting to leave him. 

“We’ll ring you if anything happens. It shouldn’t though, so don’t worry. You can come straight back in the morning when you’ve rested and eaten.” She looked at Jay. “Why don’t you take your...” 

“Brother.” He answered quickly. 

“Brother, home. Maybe you should drive, don’t think Ben’s in the right mind to be driving right now.”

“Yeah, we can go to back to your Mum’s? That okay Ben?”

Ben nodded reluctantly standing up as the nurse left the room again, Jay following and going to find Lola. 

“I’ll come straight back in the mornin’ Cal. I love you.” He squeezed his hand, pressing a kiss to it and placing it back down gently. He leaned down and kissed the top of his head, scanning his face one last time, stroking it lightly. “You keep fighting for me won’t you?” He whispered.

“You okay?” Jay asked him when he came out. Jay and Lola were both waiting for him. 

“Erm, I will be. I don’t want to leave him.” Jay watched as Ben looked through the window of the room at Callum. 

“What did the nurse say? Callum wouldn’t want you getting ill would he? She’s right. There’s someone checking him all night and I’ll bring you straight back in the morning.”

“I want to sleep at the flat.” He said flatly, still watching Callum in case anything happened. 

“I’m not leaving you on your own, Ben. Your coming to Kathy’s and that’s final. You’ve not even moved in anyway.”

“I want to.”

“I know you do, but I’m not leaving you like this. Besides you need to explain to Lexi, what’s happening. I’ve told everyone else, thought it was best coming from you.”

Ben tore his gaze away from Callum looking at Jay. 

“What am I meant to tell her?” Panic crossing his face. 

“Just that he’s a bit poorly. She probably won’t understand anyway. You’ll work it out.”

Ben nodded and looked at Callum one last time, before following Jay. 

Ben didn’t speak on the way back, he rested his head against the window, closing his eyes. 

“He’s not coping already, Lo.” Jay whispered across to her when they noticed Ben had fallen asleep. 

“I think he’s still in shock. I can’t even imagine what he was going through, holding onto Callum all on his own, in the middle of the road.”

“I’ve never seen him like this though. He’s either crying and having panic attacks or shouting at someone and threatening to kill someone.”

“We just need to see what Callum’s like when he wakes up, he’s terrified that Callum will hate him or forget him, Jay.”

“It’s not looking good though is it? What are the chances that he’ll make a full recovery with no damage done?”

“Probably not likely. But everyone is still going to be around them both. And we’ll have to keep an eye on Ben, make sure he doesn’t try anything stupid again.”

“Ben’s staying here isn’t he?”

Jay nodded as they pulled up outside Kathy’s house. 

Lola shut her door a little loudly, making Ben jump. Jay glanced at Lola, both noticing Ben breathing heavily, clutching the coat, trying to get the images of Callum hitting the car out of his head. 

“You okay?” She asked when Ben finally got out. 

“Erm, yeah...” 

“At least you had a short sleep. You need to get some more rest for when you go see Callum later. I would say tomorrow but it’s already four in the morning.”

“I don’t want to sleep anymore.”

“Why? Callum won’t want you getting ill would be?”

“I can’t Lo, every time I shut my eyes or sleep... I can still see it happening even when my eyes are open. It just keeps replaying in my head over and over, stuck on a loop. I just... want it to stop.”

“It will get better, Ben. Your still in shock.”

“But will Cal?” He whispered more to himself than Lola. 

“Trust me, you’ll feel better once you’ve slept.” She told him instead. 

“I just wish everyone would stop telling me to sleep! You, Jay, the nurse, the paramedics, the DI guy.” He snapped as he spun around marching to the front door.

“Surely we all can’t be wrong?”

Ben ignored her and opened the door going straight upstairs and into his room, locking the door to keep everyone out. He pressed his back against the closed door, squeezing his eyes shut, wrapping his arms tighter around the coat. 

“Please Cal...” He begged, sliding down the door, sobbing to himself again. 

He buried his head in the coat, inhaling Callum’s scent, trying to feel closer to him, choking out more sobs, morphing into low moans.

“Please...” He whined, the silent room filled with the sounds of his sobs muffled into the coat. 

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short one. I’ve got more about Callum in the next chapter! 😉

Ben sat at the kitchen table staring into his mug. He checked his watch: 8:02. He’d been up since 7, even though they only got in at 4 in the morning. He must have only been to sleep for a little under an hour, waking himself up, panting. It was pointless going to sleep when he couldn’t, the accident repeating again and again in his head. Callum’s lifeless body lying in the road. 

He sat waiting so he could go and visit Callum, he knew they wouldn’t let him in to see him until 9 anyway. He stared into the mug, cradling it in his hands, he didn’t even want anything to drink, it just filled some time. 

He jumped when Kathy squeezed his shoulder, sitting down next to him, pouring herself a tea from the pot. 

“How are you this morning, love?”

“Fine.” His voice dull. 

“Jay’s told me what’s going on with Callum.”

“Right.”

“Do you want me to take you to see him later?”

“Jays taking me.”

“Alright. Have you said anything to Lexi yet?”

“Nope.”

“I know your hurting Ben, but you don’t know how Callum will be when he wakes up. He might not be as bad the nurses think.”

He pushed his chair back, finally looking up from his tea, glaring at her, as he stood up. 

“Are you a nurse?”

“I’m just saying-“

“That he’s going to be perfectly fine, when I know he’s not, Mum. So stop pretending!” He strode over to the sofa, throwing himself onto it. 

“Who’s pretending?” Ben shot his head up when he heard Lexi’s voice. 

“Erm, no one darlin’, come and sit here.” She grinned running over to jump on his knee. 

“You look sad, daddy? Are you okay?” He smiled at her, tucking her hair behind her ear, she was so wise for her age. 

“I’m just a little bit sad. But I’ll be okay, don’t you worry about me.”

“But your sad. That makes me sad.”

“Don’t be sad, I’ll be okay. I promise.”

“What are you sad about then? I want to help.”

He stroked her hair, smiling at her as she sat and waited for him to tell her. 

“Erm... Callum’s a little bit ill at the moment.”

“Is he drunk again, like you both were the other night, cos that don’t count as being ill.” She frowned at him. 

“He’s little bit more than drunk, darlin’”

“So what is it then?”

“Erm... you know that time you hurt your leg after you had a fall and you went to see the nice lady who patched you up?”

She nodded at him, still waiting. 

“Well, the nice doctors and nurses are trying to fix Callum too, cos he’s had a fall too.”

She threw her arms around his neck, in a tight hug.

“He’ll get better then won’t he, if he hurt himself? Don’t be sad, daddy, Callum will get better soon.”

“Yeah...” He whispered, squeezing his eyes shut, holding back his tears, wrapping his arms around her a little tighter. She broke apart, kissed him on the cheek and ran off back upstairs. 

He buried his head in his hands, trying not to cry again, Kathy sitting next to him. 

“I wish it were that simple, Mum.” He whispered. 

“I know. Come here.” Ben rested his head on her shoulder, sobbing again as she stroked the back of his head. 

Kathy sat and held him, while he cried, rocking him from side to side slightly. 

“I’m sorry for shouting at you.” He whispered. 

“It’s fine love, honestly, I know your hurting.”

Ben lifted his head up, looking at her. 

“Will you take me to see Cal?”

“What about Jay?”

“He stayed with me most of the night, he’ll need to sleep too. He’s already done enough for me, yesterday.”

“Course I’ll take you, not gonna say no am I?”

“Besides Cal will want to see you.” He smiled at her, standing up. “We both know he likes you a lot more than me.” Ben grinned. 

“He adores you Ben. I know he loves you.”

Ben smiled to himself, going upstairs to get ready. 

“Morning Ben.” He gave a quick smile and hello at the nurse, Holly, according to her name badge, before darting over to sit next to Callum gripping onto his hand. 

“Callum’s been as well as he can be, he hasn’t got any worse, that’s the main thing, Ben.” Holly explained to him, smiling at him, as he looked over Callum’s face. 

Kathy sat down looking over Callum slowly. She was shocked at how bad he actually looked and why Ben was in such a state. 

“This your Mum?”

Ben nodded, still not looking away from Callum. 

“Well, nice to meet you Ben’s Mum. You’ll be seeing a lot more of me. I’m the main person seeing to Callum here. I’m Holly.”

“Thank you. Kathy, by the way.”

“Just doing my job.” 

“Yeah, well, without you, Callum wouldn’t be able to recover.”

Holly smiled at her before leaving them alone. 

“You okay, Love?”

“Yeah, I’ll be okay, he’s the same as he was yesterday...”

“He’s not going to recover overnight Ben or in the five hours you left him. It’s going to take time.”

“I know, I just want him home.”

“He will be, eventually. I’ll go find us something to drink, let you say hello to him properly.” She squeezed his shoulder before leaving him alone with Callum. 

“Hey you. Told you I’d come straight back, didn’t I? Don’t know if you heard, but the nurse said you’ve not got worse. That’s good, I suppose. Your still fighting for me? I’ll be able to speak to you properly in a couple of days, when they take you off the sedatives.”

He lightly stroked the side of Callum’s face, holding Callum’s hand in his other. 

“I’ll be glad to talk to you properly. I miss your voice, even though it’s not even been a day, but I do. I miss your voice and your smile and I miss looking at your beautiful eyes. I just miss... you. I don’t want you to be any different. I want you to grin at me and look at me the same way and I want you to do your silly winks at me, even though we both know you can’t wink. I love everything about you, Cal. I don’t want you to change at all. Your perfect just the way you are.”

He looked at Callum’s hand in his, his fingers hooked around Callum’s, but Callum’s lay open, not closed around Ben’s.

“Please don’t forget me. Or even hate me when you wake up...” A tear falling onto Callum’s hand. “I’m still gonna be here even if you don’t have a clue who I am. I’ll find a way to make you see me. I love you too much to lose you Cal.”

He squeezed Callum’s hand, resting his head on his arm. 

“I’ll stay with you all day too, until they kick me out, I won’t leave you on your own.” 

Ben sat there watching Callum for a while, and watching the heart monitor, scared in case anything happened. 

“I will find who did this to you, Cal...”


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a week since Callum had been run over on the Friday evening, Ben visiting him all day, everyday. The nurses wanted to keep him sedated longer than a couple of days, just to help Callum keep his strength up and recover slowly. 

“I can’t do it...” Ben wiped his sweaty hands along his jeans, trying to calm down. 

“Can’t do what?” Lola asked. 

Jay and Lola had come with him to see Callum, the nurses had decided they were taking him off the sedatives today. 

“This. What if he doesn’t know who I am? What if he really hates me? Or what if he still can’t speak to me cos it hurts too much? Or he just never gets any better and can’t walk again. I just want to hear his voice...”

“And what if, he wakes up and he still loves you, Ben. There’s loads of What Ifs, you just need to have faith in him. You can do this, me and Jay are still here for you.”

Ben nodded, taking Callum’s hand in his. “I love you.” He whispered to him. “No matter what, Cal.”

They sat and waited for Holly to arrive, Ben getting more and more nervous. 

“Have you heard anything from the DI yet, it’s been a week, surely they’ve found something?” 

“Nothing. He called to tell me that he’s got people getting the CCTV at every garage and petrol station within fifty miles. Checking if people have been getting repairs for major damages or just spotted filling up petrol with badly damaged cars.”

“That’s good isn’t it? At least there looking.”

“There still checking on and around the road apparently.”

“Still?”

“That’s what I thought. But if helps them find something, good, because that person needs to pay.” 

He looked away from Callum when Holly walked in smiling at them all. 

“Right, I’m gonna still give him the morphine, cos he needs a lot of that but I’m taking him off the sedative today.”

“How long will it take?” Ben asked her. 

“Probably an hour for it wear off and another for him to wake up fully, when he’ll be more aware of what’s around him.”

“I can’t wait that long!” He whined. 

“Yes you can, Ben. You’ve been patient all week, I’m sure a another couple of hours won’t seem that long.”

He returned his gaze to Callum, stroking his thumb across his hand slowly, his face still scattered with cuts and grazes and the deep cut on the side his face. None of them seeming not to be healing. 

“Why aren’t any of his cuts healing? Surely they should be getting better by now? They’re still the same as they were a week ago.”

Holly smiled at Ben scanning Callum’s face, worry written all over it. 

“That’s normal, Ben.”

“Are you sure? What if there’s something else wrong with him?”

“It’s normal, trust me. The sedative has slowed his whole body down, making the recovery process a lot longer. Once he wakes up, they will start to heal faster.”

Ben nodded watching Callum’s face for any changes. 

“He’s not gonna wake up straight away, Ben, give it time. I’ve literally just taken his meds away five minutes ago, try not to worry.”

“I can’t help it! I just want him to be okay.”

“I know you do, I can tell you more when he’s awake. It will give us a better idea what’s happening. Come get me when he looks like he’s waking.”

Ben nodded, glancing at her, offering her a smile, before looking back at Callum again. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous in my life.”

Jay and Lola said nothing, knowing he was talking to Callum. 

“I know your not just gonna get better and everything will be fine, but I just want you to be okay and come home. I’m gonna be here when you wake up and I’ll be here whatever happens because I love you and I’m gonna do everything I can to help you getter better or as well as you can be.” 

Ben jumped when Jay squeezed his shoulder, offering him some kind of comfort. 

“Sorry, forgot you were there.” Ben glanced at Jay before returning his gaze back to Callum. 

“Do you want me and Lo to get you anything? Drink, something to eat? Or to go away if you want to be on your own with him.”

“No, I’m alright. Not hungry. Think I’ll be sick if I eat anything.”

“Well, let us know if you do.”

Ben shot his head down looking at their hands together. “I swear he just squeezed my hand...”

“I doubt it. It’s been half an hour, Ben.”

Jay watched as Ben stared at Callum’s hand in Ben’s, still convinced he’d moved. 

“See? Did you not just see that? Cal’s hand just moved again!”

“Ben, you’ve been saying he’s waking up for the last hour. Stop worrying. He’ll wake up when he’s ready.”

“Just look, Jay!”

Jay rolled his eyes, watching their hands to make Ben feel better. Jay shot his head up looking at Ben, as Callum’s fingers curled slowly around Ben’s so they were fully intertwined. 

“See? What did I say? Go and get the nurse, Jay! I told you he was waking up.”

Jay rushed off, Lola following. 

Ben watched Callum, his eyes darting back and forth between his face and his hand. 

“Umh...” Ben shot his head up to look back at Callum, as he whined to himself. 

“Cal?” He squeezed his hand, Callum letting out another moan. 

“Oh god, did I just hurt you? I’m sorry, I won’t do that again.” He loosened his hand slightly, Callum’s hand tightening again, so they were gripping each other’s hands still.

“Oh, you do want to hold my hand? The nurse will be here soon. I bet your so much pain...”

Ben watched as Callum’s eyes fluttered open slowly, before he scrunched them shut again.

“Is it too light in here? I wish I could help you somehow, Cal.”

Ben looked up as Holly walked in, Jay and Lola not far behind. She looked over Callum. 

“This is him waking up right?”

“Should be. It has been nearly two and and a half hours, his body is weak so the sedative was in his body longer, taking him slightly longer to wake up.”

“He just made a weird noise, like he was whining, before you came in, is he in pain?”

“Most likely. He’s going to feel everything a lot more now the sedatives wore off. Let’s just say, he’ll soon know about all his injuries.”

“Can’t you give him something else, for the pain?”

“I’ve given him some more morphine, but that’s all we can give him at the moment. We can’t overload his body with too many drugs.”

“I thought I was hurting him and tried to let go of his hand, but he just gripped on tighter.”

“I think it’s this arm you should be worrying about.” She chuckled, nodding toward his right arm. She noticed the worried look on Ben’s face. “I didn’t literally mean you needed to worry about it, his arm will heal on its own in time. I just meant you won’t be hurting him, holding his other hand so don’t worry about it. That’s good that he’s responding to your touch, he knows that someone’s here. Not necessarily that it’s you yet, but it’s a start.” 

“What do we do now then?”

“Wait a bit, he’s still really drowsy and probably won’t know what’s going on. Talk to him, Ben, let him know your here, so he can hear your voice.”

“Will he remember me, if he hears my voice?”

“He might not have even forgotten you at all, Ben. If he hasn’t, your voice will help him, if he’s waking up properly.”

“Okay, Erm, what do I say?”

“Anything, you’ve been talking to him all week, don’t be so nervous. To you he’s still the same Callum as he was before.”

Ben nodded as he looked back to Callum, smiling at him. 

“I hope your not hurting too much.”

“Ben’s been waiting for you to wake up.” She added. 

“Yeah, I have.” He nodded at him, even though he still had his eyes closed. “I’ve been here all day for a week, talking to you and holding your hand. I didn’t want to leave you but they kicked me out. I’ve practically been living here. Staying here all day, going to sleep at home, then coming straight back to you.”

Ben looked down at their hands, as Callum wrapped his fingers further around Ben’s hand. 

“Does he know it’s me?”

Holly noticed Ben’s gaze, fixed on their hands. 

“Maybe. He’s still really drowsy, so he can probably hear voices, but might not be able to make out it’s yours.”

“Mmm.” Callum scrunched his eyes shut tighter. 

“Why can’t you do anything, he’s in too much pain!”

“It’s alright, Ben, this is normal for his condition, he’s bound to feel the pain more. He’s got broken ribs remember!”

“I know! I just don’t want him hurting.”

“He’s bound to, your devoted I’ll give you that.” She smiled at Ben, as he watched Callum, worry written on his face. 

“H...” Callum breathed out.

“Eh, Cal?” Ben stroked his thumb across his hand, letting him know he was still here. 

Callum didn’t say anything again for a while. Ben looked worriedly at him, it looked like it was taking all his strength out of him just to breathe, probably down to his five broken ribs.

“All...”

Ben eyes darted from Holly, back to Callum, checking if she thought there was something wrong.

“H...” Callum managed again. “‘Urts’”

“See? ‘All. Hurts.’ Shouldn’t you do something?!”

“It will hurt, Ben, he was run over and has broken a lot of bones!”

She turned her attention back to Callum as he slowly opened his eyes looking at Holly. 

“Hiya Callum, I’m Holly, I’ve been looking after you. You properly feel terrible, but that’s expected.”

“Wh...ere’s...” He winced, a sharp pain shooting through his body, making him whine. 

“B...” He took a minute to breathe slowly, taking slow, deep breaths. “Ben...” He finally got out. 

Ben actually sobbed burying his head in Callum’s arm, crying. 

“Ben’s right here, Callum. He’s having a moment. Terrified you’d forget him, clearly not. Your words were your hurting and where’s Ben. Your both obviously very devoted to each other.” She chuckled to herself, watching as Ben wiped his eyes hastily. 

“I’m right here, Cal...” He squeezed Callum’s hand, a stray tear falling onto Callum’s hand.   
Callum attempted to turn his head, letting out a little cry of pain. 

Ben stood up quickly. “Don’t do that! You hurt your neck too, so just... don’t move.” 

Ben stood next to the bed instead, so Callum could see him, without him having to move his head, smiling at Callum. 

“I missed you.” 

Callum smiled at him, wincing, even that seemed to hurt. 

“You don’t need to do anything. You just need to stay there and get better.” 

He brought Callum’s hand up and kissed it once, twice and a third time, before holding his hand back down in his own, stroking the side of Callum’s face with his other hand.

“Why don’t we give you two a minute alone? I’ll tell you what’s happening later, Callum.” Holly told them, mainly aiming it at Jay and Lola.

“Just don’t let him talk too much, eh?” She told Ben. 

Ben nodded to her still not looking away from Callum. The three of them left, leaving Ben and Callum alone. 

“I missed you.” He whispered again. 

“Wh...at...” He was still drowsy, not quite sure what was happening. 

“What happened?” He finished for him quickly. “Just don’t say anything or do anything for me, yeah? Oh and don’t nod, that’ll make it worse. Just stay there.” 

He sat down on the bed slowly, careful not to move Callum too much. 

“I’ll explain it all later, I just want to see you properly first.” He sat with Callum for a while, as he watched Callum close his eyes again, using all his energy to breathe normally. Ben stroked the side of his face, careful not to touch his stitches or hurt him. He tightened his grip on Callum hand not wanting to ever let go again. 

“You still look beautiful...” A tear slipping down his face. “I thought I’d lost you...”

“Can’t... get rid of me... that easily.” He smiled, wincing again. The drowsiness starting to wear off, still taking him every couple of breaths and a lot of his energy to speak. 

“You don’t need to speak, just rest. The nurse said to me you might have forgot me, I was convinced you wouldn’t know who I was.”

Ben felt Callum squeeze his hand weakly. “Never.”

“Yeah, well don’t you ever scare me like that again.” Ben smiled at him, stroking his thumb across Callum’s hand. “You just need to get better, then you can come home. You’ve had loads of visitors too. And Jay and Lola are here now. Everyone’s been sending you cards and flowers. Do you even like flowers? We all just want you to get better soon.”

Holly walked back in to check in Callum again. 

“Why don’t you go to sleep for a bit, eh? All this excitement is wearing you out.”

“I’ll still be here when you wake up too.” Ben added. 

Ben stood up, kissing the top of Callum’s head before sitting back in his chair, holding onto his hand. 

“See? Right here, Cal. The nurse will tell you what’s happening as soon as you wake up, your too tired right now.”

Ben stayed with Callum while he slept, stroking his thumb across his hand, letting him know he was still here. 

“I wish I could do something, Lo.” He whispered when Callum had finally fallen asleep. 

It looked like he was taking a lot of energy just to breathe. 

“I know you do, it probably does hurt, he’s got a lot broken ribs. Holly said try not to worry, he’ll probably start healing better now he’s not sedated.” She rubbed Ben’s back trying to reassure him. 

“It just looks like he’s in so much pain... He’s keeps wincing in his sleep.”

“He probably will be. Holly’s given him as much painkillers as she can, she can’t give him anymore. It’s probably taking a lot of energy to breathe, he punctured his lung too remember.”

“I know, I just wish I could take some of the pain away for him. Holly said she’d tell us more about his neck and spine later when he’s awake, so he knows what’s happening too. I just hope he’ll be okay...”

They both looked up, when they heard a knock on the door, Nick walking slowly into the room. 

“Can I have a word, Ben?”

Ben nodded as Nick closed the door slowly. 

“Have you found them? The person who did this?” He gripped onto Callum’s hand tighter.

“Erm, not the person, but I do have some information...”

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

“Do you want me to tell you when Callum’s awake?” Nick nodded towards him. 

“No, don’t think he even knows what happened. I need to know what you’ve found now.”

“We checked the area around where Callum was hit and we’ve found part of a headlight.”

“Yeah, what’s that mean?”

“We matched the headlight to the make of a BMW.”

“So, your just looking for damaged BMW’s?”

“Yes.” Nick looked at Ben, not looking very pleased. 

“This is good Ben, it cuts back a lot of potential people.”

“But it still doesn’t find the person does it? Callum’s in so much pain and stuck in here. Can you not hear him moaning in his sleep, it’s killing him!”

Jay squeezed Ben’s shoulder, reassuring him. 

“Calm down Ben. It’s a lead, that’s something isn’t it? They will find the person?”

“Calm down! Callum’s using all his energy just to breathe! That person should see what they’ve done to him! And how do you know they’ll find the person, Jay? They could be miles away by now, not a thought to Callum and what he’s going through! He shouldn’t be here, Callum should be at home, not in here!”

“We are doing everything we can, Ben. Callum is in the best place right now. I’m sorry I can’t tell you any more, but we are still checking all the CCTV again for any BMW’s.” Nick told him. 

“Good.” Nick saw Ben looking annoyed, gripping onto Callum’s hand, tighter. Worry crossing his face when Callum moaned every so often. 

“I’m going to find Holly, Cal needs something else, he’s in too much pain.” 

Ben let go of Callum’s hand gently before standing up abruptly and walking out of the room, pressing his back against the wall and letting out a long sigh. He just needed to get away from everyone for a few minutes. 

“She won’t give him anything else, Ben!” He heard Lola call. 

He ignored her and walked through a few corridors not quite sure where he was heading, spotting some chairs and sinking down into them, pulling out his phone. 

It dialled a few times before someone answered. 

“Tubbs. I need you to find something out for me.”

“What is it?”

“I need you check every BMW in Walford first that are damaged or have got cracked windscreens.”

“Why’d you wanna know that?”

“Will you do it or not?!” He replied, getting impatient. 

“Yeah, why do want me to do that?”

“It doesn’t matter! The police won’t do it for weeks, so I will.”

“Police? I’m not doing anything when the police are involved, Ben. I ain’t doin’ anythin’ dodgy if the coppers are involved.”

“They don’t need to know Tubbs! Your just looking first, I’ll sort the rest, just look for me and report back to me, every BMW that’s damaged or cracked.”

“Just look? What’s the point in that?”

“Just do it Tubbs!” He snapped.

“Alright, keep your hair on, someone nicked the car from you?”

“No, just do it and if you find nothing in Walford, check the whole of London.”

“The whole of London?! That’s gonna take days, Ben!”

“Just do it.” He hissed, then hung up. 

He rested his head against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to picture the car on the side of the road. 

“Argh!” He threw his phone at the opposite wall, in frustration. “Why did I not look at the car properly?!” He shouted into the silence. 

“Probably because you were too busy looking after Callum. He needed you.” 

Ben looked up watching Lola picking up his phone and passing it back to him and sitting next to him. 

He looked at it, the screen cracked. 

“If I’d have checked the reg plate, it would have been simple to find the person. Now the police are going on the tiniest part they found from a BMW.”

“It’s a start, Ben. They will find someone. You were too busy helping Callum to worry about that. He needed your help more.”

“I didn’t do anything, I just sat on the floor with him, holding him.”

“You probably saved his life, Ben.”

“I couldn’t lose him, I had to try something.”

“So stop getting angry at yourself for not checking the car, Callum was your priority. Would you have rather checked the car out and lost Callum, or not check the car and have Callum still here?”

“You already know the answer.” He whispered.

“Precisely. Just stop stressing about it, Callum’s still alive and you haven’t lost him, so just hold onto that.”

“He’s hurting so much, Lo...” He said it more to himself than her. 

“I know, but Holly has given all the drugs she can now, he’ll be able to cope with more when he’s stronger.”

“I still haven’t spoken to him properly. He couldn’t even speak, he was in that much pain, this morning when he came round from the sedative.”

“It’s only been a couple of hours since he’s been awake, it will get better, Ben.”

“What if he can’t walk again Lo?” A tear slipping down his cheek. Lola grabbed Ben’s hand, trying to reassure him. 

“It might not come to that. Holly said you’ll know more when the rest of his body starts to heal. Think positive.”

“How can I?” He whined.

“Because Callum is stronger than you think.”

“I’m trying to be positive, but every time I look at him and see the state of him, I just want cry.”

“So cry. I swear someone somewhere said crying is good for you.” She smiled at him, as he smiled back at her. 

“The DI left, it’s safe to come back now. I know that’s why you left. And besides I don’t think your being useful sitting in the maternity ward.” 

Ben looked up at a sign above the door, laughing weakly.

“I don’t know where I was walking. I just... walked.”

“Come on, Callum might wake up soon, then you can talk to him properly. He’ll be wondering where you are, if you aren’t there when he wakes up. And you promised you would be there when he does.”

She stood up still holding his hand, both of them walking slowly back to Callum. 

“I thought he was gonna forget me or hate me...”

“Hate you? Who’d hate you?”

Ben raised his eyes at her. 

“Fine, maybe juust a few people hate you, but Callum certainly doesn’t. Holly said it could have happened not that it was definitely going to. Besides as soon as he woke up he asked for you, so he clearly hasn’t forgot you.”

“But what if he develops something wrong with him later? Holly said he might later on.”

“Take each hour as it comes. You’ll get through it what ever happens. You love Callum and will be there for him no matter what, so if something does happen, you’ll still be there, helping him through it.”

“Yeah, I will be.” He smiled. 

“See? So don’t worry about what MIGHT happen. Worry about what’s happening now. Callum seems to be doing okay at the moment apart from the pain. And you’ll know more about his spine when he gets a bit stronger.”

“When did you become so wise?” He smiled at her. 

“Because you need people around you and your driving yourself crazy over Callum.”

“I just want him to be okay.” 

“I know you do. You say he’s not told you he loves you but he does. I know he does.”

Ben smiled to himself as he let go of Lola’s hand walking back into the room.

“What’s wrong?” Ben said, noticing the look on Jay’s face. He rushed over to Callum, panic starting to fill his whole body. He could feel his heart getting faster as he tried to calm himself down. 

Jay was looking at Callum panic on his face, before tearing his gaze away to look at Ben. 

“Where have you been?! It’s Callum...”

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

“What, Jay?!” Ben looked from Jay to Callum waiting for him to answer him. 

“I don’t know?!”

“What do you mean you don’t know?! You looked worried a minute ago!”

“He was sleeping and he just... cried out and started making weird noises. I don’t how to explain it. It was like a whimper?”

“Have you got Holly?”

“No, he only just started doing it. He just went quiet after that and now he’s sleeping again.”

“How’s anyone supposed to look at him, if no one knows! I said he was in too much pain, he needs something more!”

Lola disappeared out the door, Ben sitting on the bed next to Callum, taking his hand. 

“Are you sure he’s sleeping and he’s not passed out or something?” Ben whispered. Jay looked at Ben looking terrified, scanning Callum’s face. 

“I think he’s just sleeping.”

“What if there’s something seriously wrong with his head. He landed on his head first, Jay. What if there’s something going on inside his head, that the nurses didn’t find?”

“Holly will tell you in a minute.”

He gripped onto Callum’s hand tighter, scared to let go. 

“Ben?” He tore his gaze away from Callum to look at Holly. 

“Tell her Jay!” 

“Erm, he just cried out and then he sort of... whimpered? Or was it a moan? I don’t know! But then he just went quiet.”

Holly checked Callum over, Ben starting to get impatient, seeming to be waiting for ages. 

“Is he okay?”

“It could be a number of things.” Still checking all his stats.

“Like what?”

“Stop pressuring her, Ben!” Lola told him. 

“Sorry.” He said to Holly. “I’m just worried.”

Holly smiled at him, finally turning to him. 

“I know you are. He could just be dreaming, about something completely normal or it could about the accident. Or he could genuinely be experiencing some pain. I don’t think it’s anything too serious. I’ve given him some more morphine to reduce his pain. He’s about due some more anyway.”

Ben shot his gaze from Holly back to Callum as he moaned again, squeezing his eyes shut tighter and wincing. 

“Cal? Holly’s given you some more painkillers.” Ben told him. He hooked his fingers around Callum’s hand, Callum closing his fingers slowly fully around Ben’s. “Are you in too much pain?”

“Just a bit.” 

“How are you, love?” Holly asked him.

“Not the best.” He winced again, another pain shooting through him, squeezing Ben’s hand tighter probably squishing his fingers. 

“What about on a scale of one to ten?” She asked. 

“‘Bout a twenty.”

“That bad?” Ben whined. 

“I’m fine, Ben, stop worrying.”

“Cal! You just said twenty out of ten! Your probably in so much pain and your still trying to make sure I’m okay.”

“Don’t want you stressin’”

Callum let out a little whine, squeezing Ben’s hand again a little too hard. 

“What’s wrong?” Ben starting to panic again. 

“Callum? Can you tell me where your hurting?” Holly asked him. 

“Everywhere. Keep getting weird shooting pains straight down my chest.” He shut his eyes, concentrating on his breathing, trying to slow it down instead of breathing heavily, almost panting, but failed as another pain wracked his whole body. 

“Aa, fuck, I feel like I’m dying.”

“It’s probably a twinge in his damaged lung, it should pass soon.”

“A twinge? He just said he feels like he’s dying?!” Ben looked from Holly to Callum, willing her to do something. 

Callum kept trying to keep his eyes open, fluttering them shut every few seconds. He could feel Ben stroking his thumb across his hand slowly, making him slightly more sleepier than he already was. 

“Is it bad, the twinges and the pain?” Ben asked Holly, trying to calm down. 

“It’s expected.”

Ben smiled at Callum as he finally gave in and kept his eyes shut, still stroking him, the pains subsiding again. 

“He only wakes up for a few minutes then goes back to sleep. Is it taking that much energy out of him?”

“His body is using all his strength to help him heal, taking a lot of energy out of him. That’s why he’s so tired. But I think I’m gonna give him some other meds, to help his pain more.”

“Why didn’t you that in the first place?!”

“Because his body is still very weak, Ben. It might not be able to cope with too many different drugs in his system.”

“It won’t make him worse if you give him something else though?”

“He needs it. There could be complications if his lung doesn’t start to heal soon. I think he needs something extra to keep his strength up and help his lung to start recovering properly.”

Ben watched as she gave Callum a different drug. 

“It will make him a lot drowsier again, so don’t be too worried if he wakes up and he’s bit out of it. He’s bound to feel a bit woozy. It’s stronger stuff.”

Ben nodded standing up and sitting down in the chair instead. 

“You’ve been here all day, Ben, why don’t you go home for a bit, Callum won’t wake up for a good few hours anyway now I’ve given him that.”

“I’m okay here thanks. I want to be with him.”

“If your sure.”

“Yeah, course. I’ll only go home and sleep anyway, I can sit here and do that.”

“You’ll be getting neck ache next.” She smiled at him, still holding Callum’s hand. 

“You could always find me a pillow to lean my head on? Or a cushion?” Ben grinned at her, as she rolled her eyes, jokingly. 

“I’m sure I can find a spare one for you...”

“Your a star.”

“I’ve been told.” She chuckled. 

“Well, you have been looking after Callum, I’ll always be grateful for that.”

“It’s what I want to do.”

“I’ll never have any idea why someone would want to have a job and see something like this everyday, I mean look at the state of him, he’s a mess and some people still die.”

“You’d feel differently if you’d helped someone and they recovered properly.”

“Maybe, I’m just grateful that Callum’s still with me. Without you, he’d still be in a bad way.”

“He will still experience a lot of pain though, so don’t get to startled if he starts moaning in his sleep again.”

Ben nodded, smiling at Callum. He looked so peaceful when he slept, not feeling the pain as much. 

He sat there for a while, watching him, incase he had anymore pains. He rested his against the back of the chair, closing his eyes, the steady rhythm of the beeps from the heart monitor sending him to sleep.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Kathy had arrived a while later, Jay and Lola going back home. She smiled at Ben as she walked in. He was asleep in the chair his hand hooked in Callum’s, resting his head on a pillow Holly had found for him. 

She picked up his phone, as it vibrated, frowning at his smashed screen, the crack wasn’t there this morning.

Tubbs, she read on the screen. 

She sat down on the opposite side of the bed to Ben as he kept ringing. 4 missed calls. 5, before she answered it. 

“Ben, I’ve found something for ya. I’ve got a BMW, got a bit of damage to the bonnet, that’s about it in Walford.”

“Why does Ben, need to know about a BMW?”

“Oh. Erm, who is this?”

“Not Ben.”

“I can tell that.”

“He’s not available right now, what have you got him involved in?”

“Right. Erm, he just wanted to check out a few cars to buy for the car lot, top end ones too.”

“Why would Ben want a damaged one?”

“He doesn’t, just... Wait, are you his Mum?”

“And why are you ringing him at this hour?” She asked, ignoring his question. 

“Can you just tell him to ring me back?”

“Depends.”

“Eh?”

“If they’re stolen? He isn’t selling any stolen cars.”

“Oh. Nope, all legit.”

“Sure about that?”

“Yep, hundred percent certain.”

She looked up at Ben, moving slightly. 

“Right, I’ll tell him later.” Kathy told him quickly and hung up, incase Ben woke up. 

Kathy sat with them both for a few hours, neither Ben or Callum waking up. 

“They’ve been like that for hours, both fast asleep, holding hands.” Kathy told Jay and Lola when they both arrived. 

“They were like that when we left too.” Lola smiled at them both, sitting down. 

“Ben’s probably knackered. He’s been too scared to sleep in case Callum needed him. He hasn’t slept probably at all since the accident.” Jay added. 

“I’ll come back later when he’s awake.” Kathy left, as Jay sat down next to Lola. 

“How ya feelin’?” Lola asked him when Ben woke up. 

“Better. Still feel like I could sleep for another week.” Ben stretched his arms behind, letting go of Callum’s hand and yawned, waking himself up fully, before taking Callum’s hand in his again. 

“You need to start eating and sleeping properly. Holly keeps telling you off, cos your not. You’ll be getting ill next.”

“I can’t eat, Lo. I just make myself feel sick every time I eat and I can barely sleep anyway, so I may as well stay here with Cal, instead of going home.”

“That’s because your too stressed about Callum. When was the last time you ate?”

“I don’t know! I’ve not been keeping check, mother!” He rolled his eyes at her, trying to remember when the last time he ate was.

“Yesterday? No Thursday??Definitely Thursday. I definitely ate something on Thursday.”

“Thursday?! That’s nearly two days ago, Ben! It’s Saturday!”

“Well, I’ve not eaten anything today cos I haven’t had time. Holly said she was taking Cal off the sedatives yesterday and I was too nervous! So I didn’t eat yesterday either. I’ll get something later, okay?!”

“Just go home for a bit. Callum will still be sleeping anyway, Holly said he won’t wake up for hours.”

“She did give it to him hours ago, he might wake up.”

“He won’t, Ben, just go home.”

“I’m not going anywhere Lo. Home is wherever Cal is...” He whispered.

“I’ll go find you something to eat then, if your refusing.”

“Fine. But I’m not going anywhere. Blimey, your worse than my Mum.”

“That’s because you’ll be getting ill next!” She left the room, Jay looking slightly startled. 

“What’s up with you?” Ben asked. 

“Lola, going all mother hen. She’s actually quite scary when she’s annoyed.”

“And I’m usually on the receiving end of it all.”

“She’s just worried about you.”

“I know, I just can’t bring myself to eat anything or I’ll just be sick again.”

“Again?”

“Don’t you dare tell Lo, she’ll practically drag me out of here and I’m not leaving Cal.” He glared at Jay. 

Lola returned a while later, threw a sandwich at him and sat back down next to Jay. 

“Eat it.” Was all she said. 

“I’m not hungry, Lo.”

“Eat it. I’m not having you getting ill, when Callum needs you.”

“Fine! I’m doing this for Callum.”

“Oh stop whinging Ben, it’s a sandwich, not a bushtucker trial for crying out loud.”

“I’m blaming you, if I’m sick.” He glared at her, doing as he was told anyway.

“Your not gonna be sick, your just stressed, it’s in your head.” Ben glanced at Jay noticing his gaze. Jay just shrugged, not helping. Ben glaring at him too. 

They all sat in silence whilst Ben ate it, feeling slightly awkward as Lola watched him the whole time. 

“Right, I need to go fetch Lexi from school now I know you’ve eaten that.”

“You were waiting for me to eat it?”

“Yes Ben, because you’ll be making yourself ill if you don’t eat and I’m not looking after you at home.”

“Charming. You love me really.”

“Only when your not being a stroppy prince.”

“A what? Excuse me, I am not stroppy.” He scowled. 

“You so are.” She grinned at him as she left. 

“How’s he doin’?” Holly returned a while later to check on Callum. 

“Not much. Still sleeping.”

“He’s not woken up at all yet?”

“No, why? Is that bad?”

“Err, no give it another hour...”

“You don’t look very convinced, what’s wrong with him?”

“It’s okay, Ben, don’t worry. It’s most likely the same as before. He’s taking longer for the painkillers to wear off, so he’s still sleepy. His body is weaker so wants to hold onto the painkillers for longer, they should start to wear off soon.”

“I thought it wasn’t a sedative?”

“It isn’t. They’re just stronger painkillers, but because his body is not strong enough it will make him really drowsy, making him sleep more and for longer.”

“Your sure he’s okay?”

“As far as I’m aware. Come get me, as soon as he starts waking. Try not to worry if he’s not making much sense or is still drowsy.”

Ben nodded as she left. 

“Do you think he’s gonna be okay?” Ben asked Jay. 

“Holly seems to think so, you heard what she said he’s just taking a bit longer to wake up.”

“She didn’t look very convinced. You know what nurses are like, they always try to keep everything positive when it’s not, or they’ll only say half of what’s going on.”

“Callum looks fine Ben, stop worrying.”

“Does he look fine to you?”

“I meant, he’s sleeping and doesn’t seem to be in too much pain.”

“But he will be though, as soon as the drugs wear off.”

“Holly will give him something else later. She knows what she’s doing Ben.”

Ben looked at Callum as he stirred, blinking slowly as he opened his eyes.

“How you feelin’?” Ben asked him quietly, not wanting to startle him too much. 

“Like I’ve got a huge hangover.” He smiled at Ben, wincing again. It still hurt every time he spoke. 

Jay disappeared to find Holly, leaving just Ben and Callum. 

“Well, you are up to your eyes in drugs, so your bound to feel like that.”

Callum hooked his fingers further around Ben’s hand, closing his eyes again. 

“Rooms spinnin’”

“I wish I could do somethin’ for you.”

Callum smiled, squeezing Ben’s hand slightly. 

“I know you do. You being here is enough.”

“I’ll always be here for you. Everyone keeps trying to make me go home. I don’t want to leave you though.”

“Bet you’ve not seen Lex for ages.”

“I’ve been here with you most of the time. I’ve practically moved in here.” He chuckled. 

“Go and see her-“

Callum let go of Ben’s hand as he squeezed his eyes shut, letting a small moan. 

“What is it?!” Ben panicked. 

“Argh, damn it.”

“What?!”

Ben looked up as Holly came in with Jay behind him.

“There’s something wrong!” Ben told her frantically. 

“How bad is the pain Callum?” She asked him. 

“Feels like someone’s just shot me.” He moaned again, lifting his head slightly, another pain shooting through his neck instead.  
“Ah, F-“ He winced again. “-uck.”

“Where about’s is the pain? It could just be twinges.” Holly sounded so calm, it drove Ben slightly crazy. 

“He already told you earlier! Everywhere?!” Ben started to panic again.

“What Ben said. But mostly it’s-“ He groaned again, breathing through his mouth, trying to make the pain go away. He let go of Ben’s hand, clutching his ribs. 

“What’s wrong with him?!” Ben whined. “It doesn’t look like twinges to me!”

“It’s...” He scrunched his eyes shut again, waiting for the next pain to subside. “It’ll pa-ah, shit. Pass.”

“It doesn’t look like it to me, Callum!” 

Holly checked his stats and his drug levels making sure they were all as they should be. 

Callum lifted his head slightly, another shooting pain straight through his chest. “Shitshitshit.”

“Why aren’t you doing anything?! There’s something clearly wrong with him! Come on, Jay, even you can see that!”

Ben grabbed Callum’s hand again, as Callum started panting. He lifted his head up slightly again, his eyes rolled back, his head dropping back onto the pillow, passing out. 

“Callum? Cal! Why’s he passing out?!”

Holly pressed a button by Callum’s bed. 

“What are you doing?” Ben whined, looking back and forth from Holly back to Callum. 

“Just getting some assistance. Try not to worry.”

“Try not to- Callum has just PASSED OUT!!”

“We will do everything we can.”

“Will you just tell me what’s happening!”

Ben shot his head to look at Callum’s heart monitor, making irregular beeps now. 

“Nonono, not again. Callum? Please, just talk to me, babe! Cal?”

Callum finally opened his eyes again, his vision blurry, barely making out anything, apart from Ben trying to get Callum to talk to him. 

“Cal? Oh thank god, Cal. Callum? Talk to me.”

“I...” He squeezed his eyes shut, the room spinning, gasping in pain. A wave of nausea washing over him. 

“Eh? What is it, Cal?”

“Love you...” 

“Nonono, don’t you dare say it like that! Callum?!”

Ben held Callum’s face in his hands as he saw Callum’s eyes roll back again as he blacked out, his head dropping back, growing heavier in Ben’s hands. 

“No! Callum!” Ben kept a hold of the side of Callum’s face stroking his thumbs across his cheeks, trying to get him to respond to him. 

“I’m going to need you to step outside for me.” Holly told them all. 

Ben looked up as his heart monitor made one long beep as he flatlined. 

“Cal?!” He whimpered. “Pleasepleaseplease. Don’t do this.” 

A few nurses came in trying to get past Ben. 

“I can’t lose you!!” He choked out. 

“Callum! Pleeease!” The long beep still in the background. 

“Ben! Come here!” Jay called. 

“No!” He let go of Callum’s face, his head dropping onto the pillow, holding his hand in both of his instead. 

“Callum!! Please!!”

Jay wrapped his arms around Ben’s waist from behind, half picking him up, half dragging him away from Callum. Ben lost his grip in Callum’s hand, it dropping back down, as he lay unresponsive. 

“Get! Off! Me!” He kicked out, kicking Jay right in the shin. 

“Argh, Ben. You need to let them do what they’ve got to.”

“No! I need-“ He kicked again missing Jay this time. “To be with Callum!” He whined, his whole body tensing, wracking with sobs in Jay’s arms. 

Jay carried him towards the door of the room, tears running down Ben’s face, as he still struggled in Jays arms. 

“Cal...” He whispered all his energy drained, trembling in Jay’s arms, as he dragged him outside of the room. 

Jay sat down with Ben on the chairs as he buried his head into Jays chest, bunching his fists in Jay’s shirt and sobbing as his heart shattered into a million pieces. 

They could both still hear the long beep as Callum flatlined in the room next to him...

TBC.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was going for the sort of Daniel and Jean vibe here with Ben and Luke, where Daniel doesn’t care about his cancer anymore, Luke doesn’t really care about his illness, he just accepts it.

Jay held onto Ben as he choked out more sobs, his whole body trembling in Jays arms. 

“He can’t die, Jay!!” He moaned, his breathing coming in fast heavy pants. 

It felt like the whole world had vanished, all he could feel was this pain deep inside him, enough to break him. 

Jay didn’t know what to say to him, to make him feel any better, so he said nothing and held onto him, rocking them both slightly as Ben moaned, whining into Jay’s chest. 

They both looked up as the nurses brought Callum out, rushing him down the corridor. Ben stood up quickly, recognising Holly.

“Is he still alive?” Ben whispered barely heard. 

Holly turned to Ben. 

“We’ve managed to resuscitate Callum.” Ben pressed his back against the wall and slid down it, letting out a long shaky sigh. He brought his legs up, hugging his knees, rocking himself, like he was in a trance. 

“He’s still going to need an emergency surgery procedure to know why exactly he went into a cardiac arrest. We think because of his sudden movement due to the pain and the weakness of his immune system, his lung has opened up again, causing internal bleeding.”

“I don’t know what any of this means!” He whined burying his head in his hands. Jay slid down the wall too, next to Ben. 

“Can’t you just explain in English? He doesn’t even know what’s happening and I’m pretty sure Ben wants to know what’s happening to Callum.” Jay asked.

“Callum’s body shut down because of the loss of blood from his lung. Because his body isn’t strong enough to cope on its own with just one lung, without his damaged lung, he couldn’t breathe properly, that’s why his heart stopped working for a few minutes.”

“Minutes?! This is bad Jay, I know it.” He tried breathing through his mouth, coming in fast pants. Jay wrapped his arm around Ben’s shoulder, trying to offer him some kind of comfort. 

“Because of the pain, which was normal to experience, Callum obviously tended up, straining his lung we’d operated on. Because of his sudden movements, it caused the lung to open again, leading to internal bleeding.”

“Why hasn’t his lung even started healing yet?”

“Callum already had a very weak immune system, from the loss of blood when he initially got hit. And he was sedated for the week, meaning his body couldn’t start to heal, when his whole body had effectively slowed down. With the sedative and his weak immune system combined he couldn’t heal his body properly. That’s why he started too experience serious pains.”

“He’s not even been awake for a day and we’re back to square one.” Ben whined. 

“We will do everything we can for him. I need to go and help, but I’ll come back as soon as I know more.” Holly offered him an apologetic smile before disappearing. 

“He basically died for minutes, Jay. This isn’t good. At all.” He whispered looking at the floor. 

“Yes but he isn’t dead now is he? He’s still here.”

“He could be dying now Jay! And I’ll have no clue what’s going on for hours!”

“Holly said she’d come and tell you what’s happening as soon as she knows something.”

“There’s going to be even more complications now, I know it.”

“There might not be Ben. It could just be a set back.”

“A SET BACK! Callum had just DIED, Jay!! And you dragged me out that room, when he needed me! How they managed to resuscitate him, I’ll never know!” Ben stood up, walking away trying to get away from everyone, not just Jay.

“Ben! Come back. I’m just trying to help!”

He squeezed his eyes shut letting out a deep sigh, carrying on walking, ignoring Jay. 

Ben ended up outside the hospital, the cold air hitting his face. 

He shivered slightly but found a bench nearby throwing himself down onto it sobbing to himself. 

He just wanted it to go back to how it was before. They were both so happy in the moment before the accident, just a normal day. Then his whole life changed in a split second. He was always thinking about what might happen to Callum. Always terrified incase something like what just happened would occur, if Callum wouldn’t wake up again if the nurses tried to save him. He was scared of leaving him even for a few hours, in case he would never see him again or get to say goodbye.

“You alright? Well, actually don’t answer that, I can see your not alright, your out here on your own, crying.” 

Ben looked up when he realised the man was talking to him. He sniffed, wiping his eyes roughly, sitting up normally. 

“If you count my boyfriend flatlinin’ and dying for minutes before finally being resuscitated, yeah, I’m really great thanks. Sit if you want, can’t say I’ll be good company, not that I want any.”

“Maybe I don’t want company either.” The man smiled at him, sitting next to Ben. He must have been around the same age as Ben. 

“Luke, just in case you were sitting there, desperately wondering what my name is.”

Ben smiled at Luke, drying his eyes.

“Not really. I’m Ben by the way.”

“Nice to meet you Ben-by-the-way.”

Ben gave a small laugh, still sniffling. They sat in silence for a while, neither talking to each, just watching people go by. 

“You here for someone too?” Ben asked breaking the silence.

“Myself actually, have to keep coming for checkups. Got hemophillia, ain’t I? Basically if I cut myself, my blood doesn’t clot, so I just bleed for ages.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, why have you got to be sorry, I’m just some random guy you don’t know.”

“Just something you say to people isn’t it? I mean, not gonna say well done am I?”

“Can if you want, I don’t give two shits, what you think.”

Ben smiled at him again. Luke just laid back against the bench, with his eyes shut, the sun warming his face. He pulled his baseball cap down, shading his eyes. It was nice to have someone talk to him normally. He knew his family cared and worried about him, but it was just a small break from it all, talking to a stranger who he would probably never see again. 

“How can you be so laid back and relaxed? Your just sitting there sticking two fingers up at the world, when your ill.” Ben asked. 

“That’s the plan. I’m just here for the ride, mate.”

“I’m going stir crazy in my mind right now and I’m not even the one who’s ill or injured.”

Luke opened one eye, pulling his hat up slightly to look at Ben. 

“Yeah, well, when your in my situation, you tend to just... roll with it. Not much I can do really, is there, can’t... ‘Un’Hemophillia myself can I? Not that that’s a word, anyways. Sup with your guy anyway?”

Ben didn’t reply for a while, images of Callum when he flatlined flooding his mind again. He looked back at Luke, he thought he’d fallen asleep, before he opened his eye to look at him again. 

“Erm...”

“Don’t tell me if you don’t want.”

“He...It was a hit and run. He was sedated for a week, finally woke up yesterday...”

“That’s good isn’t it?”

“Until he flatlined earlier...”

Luke sat back up, looking at Ben staring at his knees. 

“Is he...”

“No, I told you before you sat, he’d...”

“You don’t need to say it, it’s alright I think I know.”

Ben ignored him and carried on anyway.

“He actually... died, for a few minutes. They managed to save him, but rushed him back into surgery just. He’s still in there now, I just needed to get out for a bit.”

“Does ‘he’ have a name?”

“Cal. Err, Callum.”

“I’m sorry.” They both looked at each other smiling, remembering what they’d said about saying sorry to people earlier. 

“I just came out here for a bit. Needed some air.”

“I wish I could just run away sometimes. My mum worries all the time. I know she cares, but it drives me insane sometimes. I wish I could just escape and go somewhere, where no one knows me.” Luke looked up at the sky, like all the answers would be there. 

“Just for a day? Would be nice.”

“Yeah, even an hour.”

“I mean, I love Callum, I do. He means the world to me, but I just want it all to stop. We were so happy before it all happened, been out for the evening, then- It just feels like my whole world has fallen apart. I just want to go somewhere, with Callum, away from here, if that makes sense?”

“I get you-“

“I mean, obviously he can’t go anywhere, he’s got so many broken bones, and might have a neck or spine injury, we won’t know until he can start moving again, but I just wish I could go somewhere else and take him with me. Just go somewhere, where we’re both still happy and...”

“Free?”

“Yeah! Exactly!”

“Yeah, it’d be nice to be free...”

“I’m sorry, look at me moaning, when your the one with an illness and I don’t.”

“No, don’t be, bet your terrified.”

“You have no idea...”

They went back to sitting in silence for a while, Luke pulling the hat back over his head. Both, closing their eyes against the sun, until Jay broke the silence. 

“Ben! I have been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been?!”

“Here.”

“The whole time?”

“Yep.”

“Aren’t you coming in?”

“Is Callum okay?” He searched Jay’s face for any sign. Panic or if he had bad news. 

“Far as I’m aware, he’s still in there.” Ben let out a sigh, he didn’t know he’d been holding in since Jay got here. A small sigh of relief, there was still the hope that Callum would be okay. 

“Who’s this then?” Luke asked. 

“Jay. Brother.”

“Always wanted a brother, I can annoy. Only child.”

“Who’s this?” Jay whispered to Ben. 

“Just some random guy, who’s riding the waves and sticking two fingers up at the world.” Luke filled, before Ben had a chance. He lifted his hands up, not taking his hat off his face and stuck his two fingers up, making Ben chuckle. 

“What he said.” Ben added. 

“Right.” Jay frowned at Luke, before turning his attention back to Ben. “Look, I’m sorry if I upset you, if I dragged you out the room, but the nurses asked you to leave so they could help Callum, they might not have been able to do whatever they did to save him if you were... in the way.” He didn’t know how to phrase the last part, so just said it, expecting Ben to shout at him again. 

“No, I’m sorry for shouting at you. Again.”

“Oh.”

“Oh, what?”

“Thought you gonna have a go at me again.”

“Naaah, I’ve have a bit of a counselling session.”

“Eh?”

“Luke.”

“Who? I’m sorry, I literally have no clue what you on about.”

“Me.” Luke piped up, making Jay jump. He’d forgotten he was there. 

“Are you coming in? I thought you’d gone and tried something stupid again.”

“I’ve been here the whole time.”

“Don’t you want to be there when Callum comes out, or if Holly needs to find you?”

“Course I do. Just taking five minutes out here. I needed some air.”

He stood up to leave, turning back to Luke. 

“Thanks, by the way. For listening.”

“Pretty good at listening you know. Might see you around.” They smiled at each other as Ben walked back inside with Jay. 

“You seem a lot calmer.” Jay told him. 

“Don’t feel it.”

“Well, whatever that Luke said to you, it seems to have calmed you down a lot.”

Ben smiled to himself, as he sat down next to Jay. 

“I don’t feel calm. At all, the opposite more like. Feel like I’m gonna be sick all the time.”

“Your just worried.”

“I’m scared, Jay.” He whispered. 

“I know. Come ‘ere.” Jay wrapped his arm around Ben’s shoulders, Ben resting his head on Jay’s shoulder and closing his eyes. 

“I just feel like I’m being punished somehow.”

“Punished? What for?”

“I don’t know. Just for everything I’ve ever done. I thought that my life was finally good, Callum was good for me, but now I just feel like he’s been taken away from me.”

“That’s where your wrong, Ben. He IS good for you, not was. And he hasn’t been taken away from you, he’s still here.”

“I meant cos we had a normal evening, I’d taken him out to this fancy restaurant that recently opened. I was happy... Callum wasn’t in here, he looked happy too, especially when we were close to home. But then everything happened and I just feel like my whole life has been turned upside down.” He wiped a tear from his face, he didn’t even realise had fallen. 

“Callum’s still fighting, Ben, you need to hold onto that.”

“I’m trying to, but every time I think that maybe everything is finally getting better, something else bad happens. I thought he’d died when he hit that car, but they told me he was still alive, that was something good, but then he had to be sedated because he was so weak. He finally woke up from the sedative, but then something else bad happens AGAIN. I mean, he’d actually died this time, bringing us back to square one, where I’m just sitting and waiting for someone to tell me what’s happening, like before. And I’m terrified Jay, what if they tell me they couldn’t save him the next time...”

“Callum’s stronger than you think, somewhere in his mind you’ll be there and he’ll be using everything he’s got to keep fighting for you Ben, because I know he loves you. You don’t realise how much he does.”

“He actually told me he loved me before he... flatlined.”

Jay rubbed his hand down Ben’s arm, trying to reassure him. 

“That’s because it’s true and he wants you to know. Have you not seen the way he looks at you?! Anyone can see how much he loves you, just from that alone. Callum never stops smiling when he’s with you or if he talks about you.”

“You know what’s the worst part about all of this? I still haven’t said it to him. What if he dies before I can tell him, Jay? He’ll think I don’t love him when I do...”

“I’m sure he knows you love you him. How about as soon as he wakes up you just tell him. It will help you feel better and of course it will make Callum happy because he loves you too.”

“If he wakes up...” Ben whispered. 

“He WILL, Ben.”

“How can you be so sure though?” He wiped his eyes roughly again, more tears falling down his face. 

“Because he’s strong and he’s a fighter. He fought for you remember? He came out to the whole pub, just to prove to you that he was ready to be with you. And I know that he’ll be fighting right now, so he can come back home to you, because home is whenever you are, Ben. You mean absolutely everything to him. Just promise me you’ll tell him you love him, when he wakes up.”

Ben sat up, wiping his eyes, Jay offering him a smile. 

“Okay.”

“Promise me.”

Ben rolled his eyes at Jay, smiling at him. 

“Fine, I promise, I’ll tell him when he wakes up.”

“See? You just need to have faith in him that he will wake up.”

“Yeah...” 

Ben pulled out his phone, smiling at the front screen. He usually changed it very few days, but he’d kept it the same since before the accident. The picture slightly distorted from the smashed screen, when he threw it at the wall. 

It was a photo of the two of them, in E20. Ben smiling as he kissed Callum’s temple, his hand hooked around the other side of Callum’s face, pulling him closer to Ben. Callum was grinning, squeezing his eyes shut. His nose scrunching up a little when he grinned, his smile reaching his eyes. 

“You okay?” Jay asked. 

Ben tore his gaze away from the photo, looking at Jay. 

“Erm... yeah. Well, as good as I can be right now.”

“Your strong too, Ben.” 

“You think so?” Ben frowned at Jay, not convinced. 

“Yeah, your stronger than you think too. You might feel like you don’t but you’ve got so much strength in your heart and in here.” Jay tapped the side of his head, smiling at him. Ben dried his eyes, sniffing slightly. 

“I love him so much, Jay...” He whispered. 

“And Callum loves you.” Jay pulled Ben into a hug, rubbing his hand down his back, trying to keep him calm. “And you’ll still be waiting for Callum and being there for him whatever happens.”

“Yeah, I will be...” Ben smiled to himself, just thinking about Callum. 

They broke apart, Ben looking at the photo another time, before he noticed 5 missed calls at the top of his screen from Tubbs, earlier this morning. He frowned at them, standing up. 

“Where you going?” Jay asked. 

“Erm... Dads just called.” He lied. 

“I’ll wait here, if you want go talk to him. I’ll come get you if someone comes with any news.”

“Err... thanks.” He was still frowning at his screen, half listening to Jay, noticing that someone had answered the last call. He hoped it hadn’t been Lola, she’d go crazy if she knew what he was doing. 

He walked outside about to call Tubbs back, when he spotted Nick.

“Oo, Ben. I’ve been looking for you.”

“You found anything?”

“Not quite, but I want to run something by you.”

“Run something by me?”

“Yeah, you got somewhere to sit?”

TBC.


	11. Chapter 11

Ben nodded towards a bench, walking towards it and sitting down. 

“Well?” Ben asked. 

“We haven’t actually got any new evidence but I’m trying something else that may help. I know the road you were on wasn’t a main road or a busy one but I’m gonna take out a witness appeal.” 

“What’s that mean?”

“People can come forward if they saw anything or if they saw any cars nearby that were damaged, whilst driving.”

“Hardly anybody was there, I’m sure of it. In fact, I don’t think I saw anyone, apart from me, Cal and the person who was driving.”

“Well, I’m gonna file an appeal through anyway, it could help. It’s only been just over a week, so people may still remember if they saw something. It’s better than doing nothing. And once we find a potential car, and we will, we can start checking it against the tyre tracks that were on the grass. We’ve got images and scans of them so we can compare different tyres from different cars until we find the right one.”

“If you think it’ll help...”

“It could. Don’t worry about it too much, it’s only been a week, that’s not been very long. We will find the person for you Ben. For both of you. You just worry about Callum for now, we’ll do the rest.”

Ben nodded even though he’d already got Tubbs on the case too. Nick smiled at Ben, patting him on the shoulder, reassuring him, before getting up to leave. 

As soon as Nick was out of ear shot, Ben pulled his phone back out of his pocket dialling Tubbs’ number. 

“Tubbs! You called? You got anything?”

“I’ve got a BMW, only got a damaged bonnet. No cracked windscreen though. That’s all I could find in Walford.”

Ben’s heart sank a little, still not getting anywhere.

“Check everywhere Tubbs. London.”

“Why you so desperate to find a shit BMW? Thought you’d want a flash, brand new one?”

“It doesn’t matter, just do it and tell me what else you find.”

“Will do.”

“Who picked up earlier anyway?”

“Dunno, pretty sure it was your Mum?”

“Kathy?”

“Well, if that’s your mum, then I’m guessing so.”

“Oh right, what did you tell her?”

“Had to fob her off a bit. Told her you wanted a BMW for the car lot, damaged but it was the only one I could find.”

“Good. That’s good. I don’t want anyone else knowing ‘bout this.”

“Alright? Why can’t you tell me what you want it for?”

“I can, I’m just choosing not to. It’s complicated okay? I don’t want to have to explain everything to you.”

“I’ll let you know if I find anything else, anyway.”

“Great. Thanks by the way, for doing this for me.”

Ben hung up and sighed, still nothing. And he was no closer to finding out the truth. 

He sat there for a few minutes, still trying to remember what the car looked like or if he saw anything else, but still couldn’t remember anything. 

“You were a while, what did your dad want?” Jay asked when he threw himself down into the chair, resting his head against the wall. 

“Eh?” Ben turned his head looking at Jay, confused. 

“Your dad?? You went to call him back didn’t you?”

“Oh! Dad. Erm, just checking up on me.”

“Phil? Checking up on you? He doesn’t usually care.”

Ben was thinking of another excuse when he spotted Holly. 

“How is he?” Ben asked, not sure whether he wanted to know the answer. 

“He’s currently in the intensive care unit.” She told him. 

“So he’s alive...” Ben let out a long sigh, shaking slightly. 

“Why, don’t you go and see him first, or you won’t take it all in.”

Ben nodded, following Holly, not checking to see if Jay was following too. He felt like he was in a trance, a sense of déjà vu. He’d been in this situation just over a week ago, not knowing what Callum would be like. 

Ben let out a small sob as he sat next to Callum, immediately taking his hand in his own. He looked the same as before but this time he had a breathing tube, breathing for him. 

“I thought you said, he couldn’t get any worse...”

“He’s not worse as such. Callum’s in an induced coma...”

“A coma?! So he has got worse!”

“Let her explain, Ben!” Jay sat down on the opposite side of the bed to Ben. Ben tore his gaze away from Callum looking at Jay, not realising he’d walked in with them. 

“This is better for him, Ben. You don’t him to be in anymore pain than he was before do you?” She asked. 

“Of course I don’t!” He glared at Holly, but she just ignored it sitting next to him. 

“I know it doesn’t seem like he’s any better but this is the best thing for Callum right now.”

“And he won’t be in pain, like he was last time? Isn’t that why he nearly died this morning?”

“I told you we thought that Callum had suffered from internal bleeding from his damaged lung due to him tensing from the pains-“

“And he flatlined due to the blood loss, I know that. But why does he need to be in a coma?”

“If Callum’s whole body slows down his lung can start to heal, without him being in so much pain.”

“And when he wakes up, he’ll be okay?”

“Not necessarily.”

“What?! But you just said that once his lung heals, he won’t be in pain?!”

“There could be complications when he wakes up due to the fact that he’d died for a few minutes.”

“Complications?! Like what?” 

Ben could feel his breathing becoming faster, his hands shaking holding onto Callum’s hand. 

“Because his heart stopped working for those few minutes, his blood stopped flowing around his body causing a lack of oxygen flowing to his brain.”

“I don’t know what any of this means!” Ben whined gripping onto Callum’s hand tighter. 

“Parts of his brain were deprived of oxygen for a while, even a few minutes is a long time for his brain.”

“So he might not know what’s happened to him after he flatlined? He might just forget this time he’ll be in this coma? It’s not like he’ll forget everything, he didn’t yesterday when he woke up!”

Holly watched Ben scanning Callum’s face, trying to convince himself that he wouldn’t forget.

“Maybe. His brain had actually shut down this time, whereas before it hadn’t so he was less likely to forget. We’ve carried out an MRI on his brain, and from what we can see some parts are not functioning as they should be anymore, it could affect a number of different functions Callum needs such as memory, emotions, processing info or his breathing. That’s also why Callum has been put into a coma, he finds it difficult to breathe on his own.”

“He can’t even breathe on his own, now? I thought you said this wasn’t getting any worse.”

He looked back at Callum’s face, still scattered with cuts and grazes, the deep cut on the side of his face still not looking like it was healing. He looked so calm, relaxed almost, no longer feeling so much pain. His chest very faintly rising and falling, as the tune helped him to breathe properly. 

“We’ve done some more scans on his neck and spine too, and think his spine will heal in time, and so will his neck, but his neck is fractured.”

“Is that bad?”

“You wouldn’t want him to have a broken neck. The fracture will also heal in time bit will probably heal a lot slower than it normally would because of Callum’s whole body being slowed down from the coma. It should be less painful for him, than it was before if he wakes up though.”

“If?!”

“Callum won’t be able to function properly if we tried to take him out of his comatose state now.”

“Try? So he could just die if you took his breathing tube away?!”

“Possibly. I will get the doctor to keep taking scans of his brain to see if it is making any progression in brain activity and healing.”

“So you only put him in a coma because you had to? Callum can’t breathe on his own, he’s now got brain damage, he’s fractured his neck and we’re back to square one! He’s probably gonna forget me or hate me, or just never wake up because he’ll die cos he can’t breathe. Oh and to top it all off, Nick still hasn’t found anything, so whoever did this is still out there, not giving one fuck about Callum!!”

Ben finally paused to breathe, feeling slightly dizzy and sick, drying his eyes. He didn’t even realise he’d been crying.

“We will do everything we can for Callum, Ben. And so will the police in finding the person for you.”

“You sure he’s not in pain?” He whispered, calming down slightly. 

“A lot less than before, I definitely know that.” She offered him a small smile trying to reassure him and calm him down. “He doesn’t need any stronger drugs now because he’s in the coma, he probably won’t feel any pain now, but I’ll still give him a very small dose of NSAID’s. It will reduce inflammation and help his broken arm, leg and ribs to heal.”

“Do you know how long it could be before he wakes up... if he wakes up.”

“All patients are different. It could be a few days or it could be for weeks or even months. It’s difficult to tell at this time.”

Ben nodded slowly, another tear slipping down his face, wiping it away roughly as he watched Callum. 

“Will he know I’m here, if he’s in a coma?”

“Some people’s experiences have said that they could hear people, others don’t remember anything. Just keep talking to him, let him know your there, tell him anything, just talk to him normally.”

She rubbed his arm as she stood up. “I know none of this is what you want to hear Ben, but I’ll keep checking him every couple of hours and keep getting the doctors to carry out more scans for any signs of recovery or progression, okay?”

She tried to reassure him even though Ben still looked terrified and didn’t look like he was listening anymore. “I know you won’t stop worrying, but try not to, eh?” Holly told him. 

“I’ll go tell Lola what’s happening. So she can tell everyone else.” Jay added as he got up to leave. 

Ben nodded still not looking away from Callum. 

“If you ever want to ask or know something come and find me yeah?” Holly told him. 

“Thank you, for everything.” He said turning to look at her. 

“Or if you fancy a chat.” She smiled at him squeezing his shoulder, as Ben gave her half a smile, nodding. 

“Just try to not worry too much, Jays told me you keep having panic attacks, when you’ve never had any before. He’s worried about you. I know, you probably feel like you can’t, but when you can, try and relax. Just take a few minutes to concentrate on your breathing. You need sleep too Ben, even I know you’ve not been sleeping because you’ve been here most of your time. And try to eat properly, it will make you feel better, trust me. Keep your strength up.”

“I just feel so scared all the time.” He whispered. 

“Your bound too. Do you need me to explain everything to you again, make sure you know what’s happening, cos I will if it makes you feel less worried.”

“Err, no, I think I know everything, just tryna process it all.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah, I’m good sitting here with Callum right now.”

“Alright, there’s always someone here for you if you don’t want to talk to your family. Like I said come and find me if you want to chat.”

“I might just do that.” Ben smiled at her, as she left him with Callum. 

He stroked his thumb across Callum’s hand slowly. 

“I love you so much, Cal. I thought I’d lost you this morning. As soon as you wake up I’m gonna tell you all the time, because I want you to know that I do love you. More than anything in the world. Just don’t go dying on me again, eh? Scared the life out me.”

The room was almost silent, apart from the steady beeps from Callum’s heart monitor. The beeps seemed to calm him slightly, knowing that Callum was definitely still breathing. He still felt himself watching Callum’s chest for the rise and fall anyway. 

He rested his head on Callum’s arm, squeezing his eyes shut as he let his tears fall, letting out small sobs. 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some have been slightly confused on what was happening with Callum’s medical treatment. I’ve been trying to write it as realistically as possible, from my experiences. My friend was in an accident once and seemed fine then flatlined and was put into a coma for weeks. I’m trying to write it from my real experiences mixed in with how the characters would normally act, keeping it realistic. 
> 
> Now, I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure I can remember everything the nurses told her family and me, I mean, it’s not something I’m gonna forget for a while. 
> 
> There will always be complications in real life, not everything will go smoothly like it never happened, so I’m trying to get that point across, even though some of you get a bit down because of how I’ve written Callum to flatline. Things do happen in life, even though you don’t them to. I’m trying to write the story realistically but from the views of the characters too, mixing my experiences with the story. 
> 
> So some may not agree that I’ve written Callum in a coma, but that’s life and it happens. (It did to my friend, so...)
> 
> If anyone is confused, just say and I’ll try and explain it to you! 
> 
> I’m sorry if makes people hurt, but it needs to be realistic to make the story believable and interesting. 😕
> 
> XX 😉


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a gap-filler, as not much will be happening with Callum and the police as he only spoke to Nick the day before and Callum was only put into his coma the day before too. 
> 
> I quite liked my character of Luke, in my previous chapters, so I thought I’d bring him back! He’s just a friend for Ben, because some people would prefer to talk to someone else rather than their closest family. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts on the rest of the fic so far anyway, and ask questions, if your confused about something. 
> 
> XX 😉😊

Ben walked slowly through the corridors of the hospital to Callum’s room. Holly had practically thrown him out the front door last night. He’d refused to leave but she was having none of it, forcing him to go home and sleep. It had actually helped, even if he didn’t get much sleep, it was more sleep than he’d get if he’d stayed at the hospital. 

“Mornin’ Ben. Feel better?” Holly smiled at him as he walked in. 

“Yeah, I do actually. I should thank you for throwing me out.” 

“I did not throw you out?!” Holly gasped, pretending to be offended. “I simply encouraged you to go home.” She grinned at him, as he smiled back. He did seem calmer today. 

Ben squinted at her. “I don’t think escorting me to the front door, is encouraging me. You definitely threw me out.” 

“Fine, maybe I threw you out, but it’s for your own good. You need sleep Ben! Your not going to get any sitting there. Or you’d just get neck ache lying like that, you did before.”

“I know. It did help, so thanks. How is Callum today?”

“No change. But it’s not even been a day since he’s been in his coma. I’ve just given a small dose of the NSAID’s to help him start to heal his broken bones. He doesn’t need anything else. The rest is up to Callum, I’m afraid, there’s not much more we can do. We will keep doing scans though, see if there’s any improvement on his brain activity.”

Ben nodded sitting down next to Callum. 

“Have you eaten today?” She asked him. He seemed to be taking it all in today, too worked up to process it all yesterday. 

“No, came straight here. You gonna throw me out again?”

“Nah, but I will make you go get something from the café, go on, he’ll still be here when you get back.”

Holly smiled at him as she held the door open for him, waiting for him. Ben rolled his eyes jokingly as she followed him out. 

Ben sat on his own in the corner, cradling a mug of coffee in his hands, staring into it. He jumped when someone dragged a chair out opposite him and throwing themselves down into it. 

“Luke!” A smile spreading across Ben’s face. 

“Alright, Ben, how are you today?”

“I’m alright, keeping myself together. You caught me at a bad time yesterday, not usually the crying type.”

“Everyone cries sometime. Besides you did tell me your boyfriend had just flatlined.” Luke shot his head to look at Ben, he thought he’d upset Ben, but he didn’t even flinch this time. 

“Thought you came in for your checkup thingy yesterday?”

“Did. Boyfriend works ‘ere don’t he?”

“I don’t know, does he?”

“Yup. Supposed to be going for breakfast after his night shift but he’s probably running late again, can’t find him anywhere.”

“Oo, you should go The Prince Albert. Mum owns it. Bring your boyfriend.”

“Will you get me discounts? Ooo, even better, free ones?”

“I’m sure I can do that.” 

“Then I’ll definitely be there.” 

They smiled at each other, Ben drinking his cold coffee, he’d left for ages. 

“How’s your guy anyway?”

“Callum? Not good, although he’s better than flatlinin’. He’s in a coma.”

“Surely that’s good for him though? Surely he can start to recover better if he’s in a coma? That’s what I thought happens anyways.”

“It’s supposed to, Holly- the nurse who’s been looking after him- said of his body has slowed down it can heal properly.”

“I can feel a but coming?” Luke said noticing Ben’s gaze drop back down to his mug like he could find all the answers there. 

“They put him in a coma cos he can’t breathe on his own... he’s on life support. Holly said they’ll take his breathing tube away when they think he’s ready, to see if he can cope without it, breathe on his own.”

“Can’t be easy for you either.”

“I’m coping.” He finally looked up from his mug, giving Luke a half smile. “I’m just so scared all the time, Holly said he might even forget me or have these personality changes, so he’ll be like a completely different person. I don’t know what I’d do if that happened.”

“Most memory loss is usually temporary though, aren’t they? He’d probably remember after a while.”

“But how would long would that take? And what if he never does remember? I can’t just sit there and let him hate me or something when we were so happy before it all happened.”

“You would.” Ben frowned at him, confused. “You would sit there and wait for him because you love him and you’d do everything you could to try and get him to remember. I can tell you love him.”

“How do you know that?”

“Cos you smile every time you talk about him. Can see it in your eyes too.”

“I do love him though, I can’t lose him, he’s done so much for me over the past few months and I’ll always be grateful for that.”

They sat there for a while, Ben making himself eat something. 

“You know my name isn’t actually Luke.”

“Eh? Why tell me it is then?”

“Well, technically it is. Basically my actual name is Caspian-Luke. Mum couldn’t pick so gave me two, but I hate Caspian, think it’s horrible so I just tell everyone my names Luke.” 

“Does your boyfriend know that?”

“Nope. Didn’t tell him when I met him, I hate it, so he probably would too, then I just never said any different.”

“I don’t hate it, it’s different innit? I mean, how many Ben’s have you ever heard of?”

“Quite a few.”

“Precisely. Wish I had fancy name. “

“Can always call you Benjamin, if it sounds better.” 

“Just Ben’s fine. Don’t like that either, Benjamin. What about Casper? Or Casp?”

“Naah, just don’t like it.”

“Oo, just Cas?”

“Why you so adamant to call me by my first name?” He smiled at Ben as he sat thinking of other names. 

“Cos that’s your proper name and it’s different to everyone else’s. Why be Luke when you can be Cas? Reckon you should tell your boyfriend too.”

“He’ll hate it!”

“Why would he?! I didn’t!”

“Whatever you say, Ben-Ja-Min.”

“Don’t even...”

“What?!”

“Gonna call you Cas now.” Ben grinned at him as Luke glared at him. “Where’s your boyfriend anyway?”

“Dunno, should be here by now. Argh don’t tell me he’s gone home already?”

“He forgot you?!”

“He was that tired the other day he went back to his flat and forgot me.”

Ben laughed, Luke glaring at him again. “It’s not funny! I was here for hours!”

“Wait, you waited for hours?!”

“Yes!!”

“Well, I’m gonna go back and see Cal. Only came in here cos Holly made me.”

They both stood up, Ben walking round the table to stand next to Luke. 

“Made you?”

“Said I’d faint or get ill if I didn’t eat, been too worried haven’t I?”

“Nothin’ can stop me from eating. If the world ended, I’d probably die eating.”

Ben laughed as he began walking, Luke following anyway. 

“She made me go home last night too, it did make me feel a little better.”

“Pretty sure she knows what’s she saying. She is a nurse.” He squinted at Ben, grinning. Ben glaring at him.

“I’m just saying!” Smacking Ben in his arm.

“Oi! Stop being so sarky then!”

“You better me nice to me or I’ll start callin’ you Benjamin.”

“You threatening me?” 

“Might be. Ben-ja-“ Ben pushed him gently away from him, across the corridor.

“Don’t even say that... Caspian...”

Luke frowned at him as they stopped walking. 

“Wait, this Callum’s room?”

“Sure is.”

“Didn’t even realise we’d walked here, probably me forgetting my boyfriend now, instead of him forgetting me.”

“You were waiting nearly an hour! I don’t think it’s you who forgot him. Come in.”

“Come in?”

“Yeah, unless you need to be somewhere?”

“Probably not anymore. I’ll call him later. Besides, I want to meet your famous Callum.”

Ben smiled at him, as they walked in together, sitting on opposite sides of the bed to each other, Ben immediately taking Callum’s hand in his. 

“Don’t know if you can hear me but this is Luke, Cal, but we’re gonna call him Cas, cos it annoys him.”

“Oi! Wait, wait, has Callum ever called you Benjamin, bet that would seriously annoy you.” He grinned at Ben.

“No, because he’s not annoying like some people... your lucky Cal is separating us or you’d be getting a smack.”

“And what if you somehow made me bleed and I died. Bruise easily too, you know. You’d have to live with that on your conscience forever.”

“Are you trying to emotionally blackmail me? Or using your illness as protection?”

“Both?? Is it working?”

“No.” 

“Damnit.”

“Aa, Ben, did you get something to eat?” Holly smiled at Ben, laughing with Luke as she walked in. He was a lot less stressed today, now Callum was in a stable condition and he’d found a friend he could talk to, if he couldn’t talk to his family. 

“Don’t worry, I did as I was told. I ate something, even have a witness.”

“Holly!” Luke exclaimed. 

“How you doin’ Luke?”

“I’m good. Ben you didn’t say you know THE Holly.”

“Eh?” 

“Holly. Everyone’s favourite really.”

“I am?”

“Course you are.”

“Not according to you, your always whinging when you have to come for your checkups.”

“I do not whinge! Your my favourite really.”

“Arr, I’m honoured.” She checked Callum over as she talked. “He’s doing okay, Ben, we’ll probably take another scan in a couple of days, as he only had one yesterday and I doubt he’s progressed overnight.”

Ben nodded, still stroking his thumb across Callum’s hand. 

Holly smiled at Ben a while later, when she’d finished the paperwork for Callum, leaving them to it. He was properly smiling now, chatting easily to Luke, never letting go of Callum’s hand. He certainly looked less stressed and calmer, taking her advice and talking to someone about how he’s feeling, hoping he felt less alone in the situation. 

Ben grinned at Luke a while later.

“What?” Noticing Ben’s gaze. 

“Does Holly know your called Cas?...” 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still gonna call Luke, Luke btw, so not to confuse people. I have a friend that uses their middle name as their first and I know a lot of people do. Thought it might make it interesting. Or is that just me??r
> 
> XX


	13. Chapter 13

Visiting Callum became part of Ben’s routine everyday. He’d go home at night, and come straight back in the morning sometimes going straight back to Callum, other times he’d go to the café where Luke usually was. 

He’d become much closer to Luke, or Cas as he still called him, over just a few days. He found it easier to talk to him, maybe because everytime he told Jay something he went and told everyone else, especially his Mum. He knew they all cared but didn’t want everyone knowing everything. He knew he could talk to Luke and it’d go no further. 

Luke had even started to come to the hospital, even when he wasn’t waiting for his boyfriend or having checkups, just to visit Ben and keep him company. 

Ben looked up when Luke let himself into Callum’s room, sitting down.

“Back again? Thought you’d have something else better to do than stay here with me?” Ben asked.

“Nah, come to see my new favourite person.”

“Is that Holly or me?” 

“Callum, obvs. Not bad looking either.”

“Oi! Don’t you go getting any funny ideas.”

Luke held his hands up in surrender, grinning at Ben.

“Don’t let your boyfriend hear you say that.” Ben added. 

“Probably wouldn’t care. Had a bit of a... disagreement last night. Said he works too much to make a relationship work. Don’t know how it’s my fault he works too much.”

“Are you not together anymore then?”

“I’d tell you if I knew. Don’t even know myself.”

“Have you still not told him your real name?” Ben grinned at him, teasing him again. 

“Nope. And it’s staying that way.” He glared at Ben. 

“Alright! It’s been nearly five days since you told me, don’t know why it’s such a big secret.”

“Cos I don’t like it! He’d probably have a go at me for lying to him now anyway.”

“Doubt it. I’d give anything to be arguing with Cal right now.”

“How’s that work out then?”

“It’s better than him being stuck in here isn’t it.”

“Sorry, here’s me moaning about my life when yours has been put on hold.”

“S’alright. I don’t mind. I’ve been offloading to you about all this for days so I think your entitled to a moan. How come you told me your name and not your boyfriend?”

“Dunno, just did.” Luke glanced at Ben, but he watching Callum again. 

“Besides you’ve been keeping me sane these last few days.” Ben looked away from Callum to Luke. 

“I have?”

“Yeah.” Luke smiled at him as Holly walked in. 

“Oh, hello Luke, I’ve got the scans and some results back, Ben.”

“Alright Hol? Thought I’d see how Ben is. Do you want me to do one? Isn’t there some kind of law in patient confidentiality or somein’?” He said to Ben. 

“No. I’d probably tell you anyway. Go on, has he got any better?” Ben looked at Holly, waiting. 

“I’ve got the doctor to check the scans over and he thinks there’s not been much change in his brain, but don’t worry it’s not even been a week yet. Some can progress quite quickly after a while, so don’t stress too much.”

Luke watched Ben’s face drop as he followed Ben’s gaze looking back at Callum again. He’d told Luke he’d never told Callum he loved him, but even Luke could tell how much Ben loved him just by the way he looked at Callum. 

“Although I have got a bit of good news. Most of his broken bones are starting to heal now, it will still take a while before they are properly healed but it’s a start, it’s just a lot slower than usual. And his lung is starting to heal too, but very slowly. We’re gonna keep an eye on it, make sure it doesn’t open up again. But it should start to heal a lot better now he’s not feeling the pain so much.”

“What about his neck?”

“That will start to heal too, but at the moment it’s still the same. It’s healing at a slower rate to his other broken bones, because the others weren’t as damaged as his neck. I’ll keep checking on him for you, so you know he’s okay.” Ben nodded as she left, still looking over Callum. 

“At least it’s something Ben, don’t look so down.” Luke told him. He walked round the bed sitting next to Ben instead. 

“I know he’s not gonna get better overnight, but I still wish he would every time Holly tells me something.” Luke pat Ben’s back, squeezing his shoulder trying to reassure him. 

“Callum’s getting there, Ben, even if it is slowly, he’s still making progress. And I know you think being in a coma is bad, but it’s helping him to recover. You told me how much pain he was in when he first woke up and now look at him, he doesn’t look like he’s in much pain anymore does he?”

Ben wiped a tear away, holding onto Callum’s hand.

“Suppose not. Still hate seeing him like this.”

“Course you do. But Holly said he’s a lot better than he was before. Slow progress is better than nothing.”

“His body might be healing but his brain still isn’t, apparently it stated to shut down when he flatlined, so he’ll probably have complications if he wakes up and even that’s not a guarantee, Holly said he still can’t breathe without his life support. What if he can’t ever breathe on his own again?” 

“And what if he does? You can’t just presume the worst, Ben. You never know, Callum might start to get better soon, you can’t put a timescale on someone in a coma. You can’t predict how long he’ll be in it for. It could be for a few more days or weeks. He’ll come back to you when he’s ready.”

Ben smiled slightly at that, Callum coming back to him. “He might not even remember me though...”

“And if that’s the case, you can try everything to get him to remember, because you love him and you will do whatever it takes. And I know your gonna say what if he hates me? Well, you’ll just have to show him that he doesn’t have to hate you, he can’t you hate because he loves you too, you told me he said it to you and he obviously wanted you to know incase he did die, but he HASN’T, Ben, Callum is still here. Yes, slowly recovering but it’s better than nothing isn’t it?”

Ben nodded slowly looking at Luke.

“Thank you.” He whispered, sniffing slightly. 

“Just tryna make you feel better.” Luke smiled at him, Ben’s eyes shining with unshed tears. 

“I just wish I could do something. I feel so useless, just sitting here hoping he’ll be okay.”

“You are doing something. Your still here for him, talking to him, visiting him. You practically live here now.”

“I just want to do something. Wake him up somehow, punch someone, cry, shout, anything. I feel like I’m losing my mind, going crazy...”

“Thought I was keeping you sane?” Luke grinned at him, Ben half smiling.

“You are. I know my family care but I just don’t wanna talk to them about it. I don’t know if that sounds bad, Holly told me I should speak to someone, just don’t know who. I just feel like I can talk to you and sometimes Holly and Cal, even though he probably can’t hear me, and that’s about it.”

“Probably because I’m still just a stranger to you. I’ve known you for what, six days?, I’m not gonna tell anyone am I? Can’t even tell my boyfriend anymore, well if he is still that.”

“I’m sure it’ll work with your boyfriend.”

“Maybe...” Luke didn’t seem so sure. 

“But your not just a stranger to me anymore are you? Strangers don’t come and sit by a person’s bedside they don’t know. Your my friend now. You seriously have kept me sane. You’ve listened to me even though I’ve probably been annoying and you’ve even been talking to Cal, you don’t even know him and you stay and talk to me too, just so I’m not lonely.” 

“Did tell you I’m good at listening. Oh and your not annoying. You do know that makes me sound really creepy, talking to him?”

“Well, your only sitting here cos your keeping me company, then. Besides you were only trying to tell Cal if he’s gonna be different he should watch some weird programme on the Tv you like and I definitely know Callum hasn’t watched it, I’ve never even heard of it and I watch loads of Tv.”

“What?! It’s good, just watch it and you’ll think: ‘Oo, Luke was right, this is the best thing I have ever seen.’ I was tryna cheer you up!”

“See?! Your trying to help me. Best thing I’ve ever seen, though?! And anyway, I’d think: ‘Oo, CAS, was right.”

“Yes! Watch it!” He glared at Ben as he stood up. 

“You goin’?”

“Nope. Hungry.”

“Already?! You only came in not long ago.”

“Did I? Seems like ages ago...”

“Yes!!”

“Oh well, already told you, could be the end of the world and I’d still be eating.” He winked at Ben as he left, Ben smiling to himself. He frowned as he noticed Luke just standing outside the door for a few seconds before shaking his head of his thoughts and walking slowly to the café.

He hadn’t felt this relaxed since the accident, glad he’d made a friend in Luke. He only worried so much when he wasn’t distracted. 

“I need you to come back to me Cal. I love you too much to lose you. I need you to come home to me...”

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

“How is he today?” Ben stood next to Callum, Holly checking him over. 

“His physical injuries are getting there slowly, but we’ll do another scan on his brain in another couple of days. We only did his second one yesterday.”

Ben looked up when Luke walked in again, throwing his arms around Ben, patting him on the back, startling Ben. 

“Alright?” Ben managed, slightly shocked. 

“Yep, I’m good, Benjamin, how are you?” Luke threw himself down in a chair waiting for Ben to answer. 

“Erm, okay, I guess.”

“You on your own again?”

“Jay’s visiting today, he’ll be here soon, needed to sort something out at work.”

“Right.” Luke frowned slightly. 

“What?”

“Don’t think he likes me.”

“Why would Jay not like you? He’s met you like once.”

“Dunno, just the impression I got.”

“Oh, ignore him, he’s always moaning about something. Don’t know what I’d have done without him and Lo, though these past few weeks.”

“I haven’t seen him since the day he came to find you when we were outside. That was like a week ago? Definitely avoiding me.”

Ben laughed at him as he sat down next to Callum. 

“He isn’t avoiding you! He’s not been able to visit much, cos he’s still got a business to run and he’s been looking after Lex for me when I’m here.”

“Lex? That your dog or something?”

“My dog?! She’s my daughter!”

“You have a kid?”

“No, I made it up.”

“Just saying!”

“Did you sort everything out with your boyfriend?”

“Dunno, well, he hasn’t spoken to me since our little disagreement, so I guess that’s a no.”

“Maybe he’s waiting for you to talk to him.”

“I haven’t even done anything!”

“So? Now I’m not usually the forgivin’ type, being with Cal has obviously rubbed off on me, but I reckon you should just go and speak to him, sort stuff out, you’ll regret it if you don’t. I tried pushing Cal away before we got together because I was convinced that I’d hurt him somehow, I was trying to protect him, but he was having none of it.”

“Hurt him? Why would you hurt him?”

“Break his heart, ruin him. He’s a good person and I’ve not got the most clean criminal record...”

“Ben-ja-min! You rebel. I need to know more now, can’t just give me that info and expect me to wonder.”

“I didn’t want him getting hurt.” Luke watched Ben smiling to himself as he looked at Callum. “Didn’t work out anyway, Callum kept working at me, fighting for me, until I finally let myself be happy with him.” 

“And he came out in front of the whole pub, in front of his homophobe of a father for you, if I might add.” Jay added as he walked in sitting next to Ben. Ben smiled at Jay, before looking back at Callum. 

“Yeah, he did. I was so proud of him that day. He finally listened to what his heart was telling him instead of what he thought people wanted him to be.”

“How long you been with him then?”

“Erm, depends.”

“Eh?” Luke frowned at Ben. 

“Well officially back in September, but it all started between us in June. He was meant to be getting married to Whit, hadn’t even come out by then.”

“Wait, so your saying he cheated on his girlfriend with you, no actually fiancé, with you?”

Ben nodded, before carrying on. “I got shot on their wedding day-“

“Hold up, he slept with you but was still gonna marry a woman? And you got shot?”

“Yes! He was scared! He’d been told about how he should have a wife and kids the whole of his life and he’d actually learnt that was what he should do. He’d pushed as these feelings down, just so he could please everyone else. He’d been leaving with that for nearly 28 years and I know what it’s like for him. I thought that if I let him go, he could work it out for himself. He needed to do it in his own time. Anyway, it didn’t work out like that, Whit left him at the alter, cos he told her about us, couldn’t cope with lying to her anymore, bless him. He’s got a good heart. We were in the pub and I got shot.” 

Ben smiled at Callum as he held his hand. 

“He sat there and held me the whole time, talking to me, keeping me alive. He didn’t even care that everyone was watching, he’d not even come out yet, but he didn’t care about anyone in that moment, he was just trying to keep me alive.”

Luke glanced up at Ben, smiling at Callum. “He obviously loves you a lot...”

“Think that’s when I realised that I loved him. I need him to be okay... I can’t lose him after everything we’ve been through together.” Ben wasn’t really talking to them anymore, more to Callum. 

“Basically what I’m trying to say is to go talk to your boyfriend and sort it all out, because life’s too short to be arguing with him.”

Jay looked at Luke, watching Ben as he was still smiling at Callum. 

“And you obviously love Callum a lot.” Luke said changing the subject from him. 

“Yeah, I do.”

Luke noticed Jay’s gaze, standing up. 

“Right, I’ll go get us all something to drink. Coffee?” He didn’t wait for an answer instead leaving swiftly. 

They sat there for a while, in silence, Ben still holding onto Callum’s hand, stroking it slowly. 

“I need you to wake up now, Cal. Don’t you think you’ve had a long enough lie in?”

Jay smiled at Ben, willing Callum to wake up. 

“It’s not fair, Jay. He’s a good person, why did it have to be him?”

“It could have happened to anyone, Ben. You both just happened to be there when the car was.”

“I just wish I’d have got in a taxi.”

“You wouldn’t have known that was going to happen. You can’t keep blaming yourself, it’s not either of yours fault, course it isn’t, the only person to blame in all of this is the person who was driving that car.”

Ben turned to look at Jay, the fire in his eyes again.

“I will find them, Jay. And when I do, they won’t be able to breathe either. I swear to god, they’re gonna be sorry the even stepped foot in that car. They will get what they deserve. They’re gonna wish they were dead by the time I’m finished with them.”

“Not this again, Ben. You need to let the police do they’re job. You can’t go trying to fix this yourself, you could get yourself locked up.”

Ben looked straight into Jay’s eyes, pure determination written on his face. “They WILL pay. And no one is gonna get in the way of the justice that Callum deserves.”

“Come on, Ben, stop saying all this-“

Ben looked away from Jay back to Callum. 

“Why?! Someone is still out there, while Callum is still in here. They should take a look at what they have done to him, then maybe they’d feel exactly what I’m going through right now. I still sit here checking to see if he’s breathing, Jay, cos I’m terrified that I’m gonna lose him and I can’t.”

“He IS breathing-“

“That’s not the point, Jay!! I know he’s breathing, but I still check anyway because it scares the hell out of me, to think he could flatline at anytime again and they won’t be able to save him this time. You weren’t there when he got hit, you have no idea what that felt like, holding onto him, I didn’t know if he was already dead?!”

“No, I wasn’t there, but I know what you’ve been feeling like when-“

“No, you don’t.” He snapped. “You can’t even begin to imagine what I’ve felt like, I can’t even tell you how many different things have been going through my head myself, so how are you supposed to know how I’m feeling?!”

Jay grabbed Ben’s arms turning him, forcing him to look at him. 

“I am not gonna sit here and let you do something you’ll regret. I know you want the person who did this to pay, but not like this, Ben. You know Callum wouldn’t want you doing anything like that. Just stop and think for a minute, what would Callum want you to do?”

Ben refused to look at Jay, instead looking down in his lap. 

“Ben?! I know your listening to me. You know Callum wouldn’t want you to do anything stupid. He IS still breathing because he’s still fighting to keep himself breathing.”

Ben pulled Jay’s hands off his arms, glaring at him. 

“That’s where your wrong. He ISN’T keeping himself breathing because he CAN’T breathe for himself. He’s on life support, Jay!!He might never breathe on his own again and you don’t know at all how I’m feeling!”

Ben pushed Jay’s hands back to him, turning to face Callum again, breathing heavily, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“I feel angry all the time at whoever did this. I feel absolutely terrified at the thought of losing Cal, I feel tired and drained ALL of the time, even if I sleep and eat like everyone keeps forcing me too. I feel so much guilt for letting us walk home in the rain, for letting go of his hand when I should have kept him with me, for not checking the car so it would make it a damn site easier to find the person. I just feel so... scared, ALL the time. I can’t sleep and every time I close my eyes, I see it happening over and over in a loop, non stop. I can’t breathe sometimes, I feel like I’m suffocating and I just want it to go away.”

Ben took Callum’s hand in his, his anger at Jay drained. He wasn’t even angry at Jay, not really. He just needed to release some of the anger he was feeling and Jay just happened to be there. Ben bowed his head closing his eyes as rested his head on Callum’s arm, squeezing his eyes shut willing himself not to cry again, as he let out a shaky breath. 

“None of this is your fault, so stop blaming yourself for what happened. You were too busy making sure Callum was okay, to be checking the car. I know your scared but Callum isn’t getting worse, you need to hold onto that instead. Holly said he’s getting there, slowly.”

“Maybe his broken bones, but what’s the point if he won’t be able to breathe on his own again. Holly said there’s been no change to his brain, he isn’t getting any better.”

“It’s only been a week, since he’s been in his coma, Ben. Some can be in comas for weeks, Callum will get better when he’s ready.”

“What if he’s never ready?” He whispered. 

“You don’t know that. They’re doing another scan in a couple of days aren’t they? He might have started to recover, Ben. I know it’s hard but you need to try and stay positive. Callum is stronger than you think.”

“I just want him back so much, I want my life back.” He sobbed burying his head into Callum’s side. “I need him.” He whined. 

Jay rubbed down his back, trying to calm him down. 

“I want to hear his voice, I haven’t spoken to him in so long. I want to tell him how much I love him and I need to see his smile again. We were so happy... I was in such a bad place before I met Callum and he helped more than he’ll ever know. I just want everything to go back to how it used to be, before all of this happened. I want to feel happy again, but I can’t because he’s in here and not with me. I don’t think I can ever be happy without Callum.”

“You say it like he’s already died. He hasn’t, Ben. Why don’t you just wait and see what’s happening in a few days, Holly will tell you more then. He could have made loads of progression in over a week.”

Ben sat back up wiping away a tear, looking at Jay. 

“He doesn’t look like he’s made any progression, he’s exactly the same as he was when he first came here. He’s still got loads of broken bones, his lung is still not healed yet, his cuts on his face aren’t even looking any better. The only thing that seems better is he’s in less pain.”

“Holly said his lung is slowly starting to heal, and his cuts are bound to heal a lot slower than normal. His whole body has slowed down, to give his other injuries time to heal without him being in so much pain and for his brain to recover better without it having to work harder to heal his broken bones. They’ve put him in a coma for a reason, Ben.”

“Yeah cos he can’t breathe without his life support...”

“Precisely. Would you rather him be in pain and hardly making any progress or in his coma and slowly making some progress?”

“Why even ask that?”

“Because your not listening to anyone, Ben! Holly’s tried to talk to you, Lo has, Luke, me. Surely we can’t all be wrong. Just stop, insisting your gonna kill someone, because I’m not gonna let you and Callum certainly wouldn’t want you too and you know he wouldn’t. “  
Jay held Ben’s arms again, forcing Ben to look at him. 

“Promise me? Promise me, you won’t try anything stupid?”

Ben didn’t answer, looking anywhere but at Jay. 

“Ben?!” His grip getting stronger on his arms. “If you won’t do it for any of us, do it for Callum.”

Ben gave a slight nod, barely noticed by Jay. 

“Ben!”

“Yes! Fine! I won’t do anything!”

Jay squinted at him, trying to tell if he was lying to him. 

“Jay! I’ve just said I won’t, okay?” He shrugged Jay’s hands off him again, sighing to himself. He’d already got Tubbs to help him, Jay would flip if he already knew what he was doing.

“Swear on Callum’s life, Ben.”

Ben ignored him, facing Callum instead. 

“Ben!”

“I can’t...” He whispered. 

“Why?! You just said you won’t do anything, so swear on his life.”

“I. Can’t. I can’t and I won’t.”

“You just promised me, Ben!”

“I can’t guarantee I won’t do anything if I found out who did this...”

“Come on, Ben! Listen to yourself! This isn’t what Callum would want. You tell me you love him-“

“I do!” He snapped. “So don’t try and suggest otherwise.”

Jay ignored him and carried on anyway. 

“You tell me you love him but you know damn well, your doing this more for yourself than for Callum. And you know as well as I do, that Callum wouldn’t want this.”

“So what if I am doing this for me? I want the person to pay, and I want them to know what they’ve done to Callum, because they should live with what they’ve done for the rest of their lives, because it’s killing me to see Callum like this everyday and I don’t know how much more I CAN TAKE!” His voice getting slowly louder until he was shouting at Jay. 

Ben let go of Callum’s hand and stood up abruptly, facing Jay as he stood up too. 

“Where are you going? I’m not gonna let you go anywhere, if your gonna try and hurt yourself again or try something stupid, with you ending up in a prison cell, where you can’t wait for Callum to back to you, then can you?!”

“Let me go, Jay...” Jay stepped aside anyway, knowing it was hopeless, trying to talk him down, Ben marching past through the doors.

“Ben!” 

Ben squeezed his eyes shut briefly trying to get Jay and everyone else out of his head, as he carried on walking. 

TBC.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just gonna slip this in here......

I saw the smile on your face before I hit you, grinning at the person further back. He smiled back at you, both of you looking so happy. I took that happiness away from you both, in a split second. Changing both your lives. 

When you hit the car you didn’t see me. I didn’t see who you were either. Neither did your... ‘friend’. 

I only realised who you were when the person screamed your name. I can still hear your name in my head now, burned into my memories, forever. 

Callum. 

I heard the windscreen crack under your weight, or maybe it was the snap of your bones. I didn’t know what injuries I caused you. I wasn’t the one who was sobbing, crying over you, cradling you in my arms, trying to get you to talk to me. I just sat there, watching as he rocked you both, talking to someone. I presumed it was the emergency services. 

I knew who the person who was holding onto to your limp body was to you now. Your boyfriend. He was practically shouting down the phone. 

“TRY NOT TO WORRY??!! My boyfriend has probably broken so many bones and his head is bleeding all over the floor and me! HOW CAN I NOT WORRY??!! He’s dying!!”

I could see him whispering to you, trying to get you to do anything to let him know you were alive. You still did nothing. Perhaps you were already dead. 

I nearly got out, just nearly. But I didn’t. I didn’t get out. I could hear an ambulance getting closer and could see him whimpering, still crying, trying to get you to respond. 

Your boyfriend sat on the floor with you in his arms, still rocking you both, either stroking your hair or holding onto the side of your face. 

Even I could see the blood running down his arm and onto the floor from somewhere on your head. A darkening pool of your blood, dribbling down onto the road underneath you. Were you dead already? Course I didn’t know, I was still rooted to the seat, unable to move myself. 

I watched as he wrapped the coat further around you, your head still bleeding onto him, as he choked out more sobs, whilst I was sitting here trying to make my decision. 

I had a decision to make. Fast. 

Get out and face up to what I had done. 

Or drive. 

Drive away before the ambulance came, before the police came, before you and your boyfriend knew who I was. 

Only your boyfriend knew the decision I chose because you were still unresponsive to know. Probably dead by now. 

I drove.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is continuing on from Chapter 14 btw.

Ben carried on walking, shaking slightly, not sure where he was going, just getting as far away from Jay, as possible. He didn’t notice Luke when he walked by.

“Ben? Thought you were staying with Callum all day today?”

Ben ignored him too. 

“Ben?” He hurried after him, trying to get him to stop. 

“Ben? Wait, just slow down a minute.”

Luke managed to catch up, sliding in front of Ben, holding onto his arms, stopping him from going anywhere. They just stood there looking at each other, Ben trying to slow his breathing. 

“Just slow down.” He guided Ben slowly to the chairs next to him sitting them both down, not taking his hands away from his arms. “Is everything okay with Callum?”

Ben ignored him, trying to slow his breathing down but failing, his hands shaking uncontrollably. 

“Just breathe, yeah? Think you might be having one of your panic attacks again. If it is Callum, your gonna be okay, alright?”

Ben shook his head slowly, lifting his head up slightly, looking at Luke. 

“It’s not Callum?” Luke asked, searching Ben’s eyes for anything. Pain or hurt. Ben shook his head again, still breathing heavily. 

“That’s good. So what’s wrong? Actually just breathe a minute, yeah? Look at me, your gonna be okay.”

Ben looked back at Luke, Luke’s gaze never faltering, as he rubbed his hands down Ben’s arms. He tried breathing through his mouth, trying to calm himself down. 

Neither said anything for a while, Ben looking right back at him, trying to control his breathing. 

“What is it?” Luke asked again, after a while. 

“Everything.”

“With Callum? And everything that’s happened?”

Ben nodded squeezing his eyes shut for a second. 

“Your just a bit... overwhelmed?”

“Something like that.”

“Callum is probably in there right now, doing everything in his power to come back to you.”

“I just can’t deal with everyone telling me that...”

“Why?”

“Because he might be, but what if he still dies anyway?”

Luke watched Ben drop his gaze again, staring at his lap. “Your not coping, Ben. You need to talk to someone, anyone.”

“I’m talking to you aren’t I?”

“I didn’t mean me, I meant someone else. Like a actual counsellor or something.”

Ben shook his head, taking Luke’s hands off his arms, dropping them back in his own lap, standing up. 

“No, no, I don’t need that, I’m fine honestly. I’ll be okay.” Ben ran his hands through his hair as he started pacing. 

“Okay! Fine, maybe not that if your that insistent. I just think that you should talk to someone else other than your family maybe. Because whatever they say, you won’t listen to them.”

“I am listening! Jay just keeps banging on at me not to do anything stupid if I find the person who did this, and I can’t promise him I won’t, cos I don’t what I’d do if I did find out.”

“That’s because he cares about you and he doesn’t want you getting into any trouble with the police. He’s your brother, Ben, he’s bound to worry about you.”

“I can’t just sit here and do nothing!”

“Yes you can, Ben, because Callum needs you now more than ever and your not going to be much use to him in prison are you?”

“I’m not going to go to prison.”

“How do you know that? You won’t know what you would do if you did find the person. What about talking to Callum’s family then? He must have someone other than his dad? What about his Mum?”

Ben sat down next to him again.

“I don’t know much about his Mum, but I don’t think they get on either. He hasn’t really got any family. He’s close to the Carters.”

“Well, get them to come and visit him.”

“They have, quite a few times. He’s close to Mick. He’s more of a father to him than Jonno is. What’s that got to do with me speaking to someone anyway?”

“Because I think that maybe you should talk to someone else other than your family, maybe you should try talking to Callum’s family. Surely Mick is going through what you are, if he’s like his dad.”

“Maybe...”

“Good. Cos I think that you need to speak to someone. Your not coping, Ben.”

“I am! I’m just worried about him, Cas...” He buried his head in hands, trying not to cry again. 

“I know...” Luke wrapped his arm round Ben’s shoulders rubbing down his arm, trying to reassure him. “I know you don’t want to listen anyone, but you need to accept some help, Ben. You can’t keep everything bottled up to yourself. It will break you eventually and I don’t think any of your family would want to see you like that.”

“I already feel broken...” He whispered.

“You aren’t broken, Ben! You don’t know how strong you really are, even I can see that.”

Ben lifted his head up to look at Luke, Luke offering him a small smile. 

“I feel like the opposite...”

“You are. You’ve been strong for Callum, and you’ve been as strong as you can for your family. You can’t keep shutting everyone out. Talk to someone, Ben. You need the support or at some point you will have a meltdown.”

“I already feel like I’m having a meltdown. I need him, I can’t lose him.”

“That’s because you aren’t letting people in. Promise me you’ll speak to Mick.”

Ben nodded half smiling back at Luke. 

“Good.” He squinted at Ben, trying to see if he was lying to him, Ben looking right back at him for a few seconds longer before looking back at his lap. 

“Where’s my coffee anyway?” Ben smiled to himself, glancing at Luke. 

“Eh?”

Ben looked at him frowning.

“Coffee? Thought you said you went to get some coffee?”

“Oh! Didn’t have any...”

“A café that doesn’t sell coffee?” Ben laughed looking at Luke, but he was just staring at his lap. 

“Erm, something like that.”

“Are you okay? You look like you haven’t slept for a week either actually.” He dipped his head looking at Luke, but he stood up instead. 

“Yeah,yeah. I’m good. Don’t you worry about me. Worry about Callum. I’m gonna go though, I’ll see you around.”

“Oh, okay.” Ben frowned after him as Luke had already left leaving him on his own. 

Ben shook his head, making his way back to Callum’s room. He sat down next to Callum, frowning when Jay wasn’t there, taking his phone out, smiling at the photo of the two of them in E20 again. 

He pressed the phone to his ear, taking Callum’s hand in his other.

“Mick! Er, yeah, everything’s fine with Cal at the moment, I’m with him now. I reckon he’d like to see you again, you haven’t seen him for a couple of days.”

Ben looked at Callum, smiling at him, finally taking Luke’s advice.


	17. Chapter 17

“Ben! How ya doin’? How’s my boy doin’?”

Mick wrapped his arms around Ben, Ben doing the same. 

“He’s as well as he can be right now. He had another scan this morning, Holly will probably be back soon actually.”

They broke apart, Mick offering him a warm smile. 

“How are you though?” Mick repeated when Ben didn’t answer the first time. 

“I’m doing alright considering.”

“You look knackered, Ben.”

“Cheers.” Ben laughed, Mick smiling at him. 

“Must be hard for you, everything going’ on up ‘ere.” He motioned to his head squeezing Ben’s shoulder. 

“Does get hard at times. I don’t even know what’s going on in my head half the time.”

They watched Callum for a while, Ben could still feel himself making sure he was breathing. 

“He is breathing, ya know...” Mick whispered to him. 

Ben looked back at Mick, half smiling at him.

“I know... I feel like he’s gonna be taken away from me at any moment.”

“I can see you watching his chest.”

“I know it’s stupid, cos he’s got his heart monitor thingy, but I’m scared I’m gonna lose him anyway.”

“It’s not stupid, you must be terrified. He’s like my son, I love him like my own. It’s strange seeing him like this, he’s so... quiet. It’s weird him not being his usual quirky self, making jokes he thinks are hilarious but definitely are not.”

Ben laughed as he looked at Callum. 

“I went round his flat last night, sorting some stuff out. Ended up sleeping there. It actually made me feel closer to him, could still smell his aftershave in the duvet, even after all this time, helped me sleep too, felt like he was with me when I closed my eyes.”

“You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping, at all.”

“On and off. It wasn’t the same, waking up on my own. Usually wake up with him wrapped around me, before he goes for his morning run. He’d always get back before I’d even woke up properly, so full of energy, grinning at me, whereas I was still half asleep not even had a chance to drink my first coffee yet.”

“Not a morning person?” Mick smiled at him. 

“I’m definitely not no. Callum? He’d be up if it was yesterday if he could. It just felt so... empty, too quiet without him there. Jay must have rung me about fifty times through the night, cos I’d disappeared, only saw them all this morning. He’s worried I’m gonna try something stupid. I just get so angry when I think about the person that did this to him.”

“You can’t go doing anything stupid though can you? Callum needs you.”

“I know. He was so happy before it all happened though, we were BOTH so happy and now look at him. His whole life has changed. He can’t breathe without help, he’s more than likely to have brain damage if he ever wakes up, he’s in a coma and has so many broken bones, I’ve lost count. He’s like the complete opposite of what he was. None of his smiles that I love. None of his terrible jokes, he isn’t full of his energy that makes him bounce around when he gets so excited about something. He just looks so... drained and weak, using all that energy just keep himself alive.”

“I’d rather him look like this then not have him here at all.”

“I don’t know what I’d do if he died. I know everyone presumed I’d hurt him eventually when we first got together, but I’d never intentionally hurt him. I want him to be happy and we were before this all happened. He means the world to me and now it feels like he’s been taken away from me.”

“He’s not been taken away from you though, has he? He’s still alive.”

“I know that, I meant cos he’s completely changed. I know he won’t be the same if he ever wakes up.”

“That is worse case scenario though.”

“But what are the chances of him making a full recovery with no damage done whatsoever? Very slim, Mick.”

“Maybe, but we’d all still love him anyway, because he’ll still be the same deep down, to all of us. The same Callum.”

They both looked up when Holly returned. 

“Is he still the same?” Ben asked. 

“I’m afraid so. We would have liked to see some signs of recovery or progression at this time but we’ll leave it to the next scan to make a decision.”

“What decision?!” 

“The doctors think it might be best if we remove his breathing tube to see if he can breathe on his own.”

“But surely he can’t, if he has to have it in now! He’d just die!” 

“If he can’t breathe without the ventilator, we will try again. But he might not be able to make any further progression.”

“He will breathe on his own again though won’t he?”

“I’m sorry, Ben, but I can’t give you any guarantees.”

“And what happens if he can’t do it...” 

“Look, why don’t we wait until the next scan to discuss any further action.”

“What will you do if he can’t breathe?” Ben asked again. Mick knew he was starting to get angry again, his breathing becoming faster as he panicked. 

“It might be best if we take his breathing tube away from him...”

“How can you do that though? He’d just die!”

Mick watched as Holly didn’t say anything. 

“So your just gonna let him die?! Just because he’s not recovering fast enough for you?!” Ben snapped. 

“Calm down, Ben. She’s just telling you what the doctors think is best for him.” Mick told him. 

“How can I calm down, Mick! When they’re just gonna let him die?!”

“They’re doing everything they can for him, Ben. They’re not just gonna take it away if they haven’t tried everything else.”

“But they haven’t tried anything else, Mick! What if I don’t want you to take it away, what happens then?” Ben turned to Holly again waiting for an answer. 

“We won’t do anything straight away, if you won’t let us, but eventually we’ll have to do it without your say anyway, because it’s what’s best for Callum.”

“What’s...?! WHAT’S BEST!! How is dying the best thing for him! And I mean, nooo, don’t listen to me, just ignore me why don’t you, because you’ll DO IT ANYWAY!!”

Ben glared at her, before looking at Callum, his gaze softening when he looked at him.

“Ben, Callum can’t stay like this for the rest of his life, if he’ll only ever be in this state, is that what you really want for him?” Holly tried to tell him. 

“Just leave me alone...”

“Ben, come on, you’ve got to listen to her. She’s already said she’s going to wait a few days before she makes any final decisions.”

“What’s the point in telling me, she’ll just do what she wants anyway. Go home, Mick.”

“I doubt the doctors are making their decision lightly. Holly isn’t doing what SHE wants. The doctors decide what happens to him. You were telling me earlier how you want him to be happy. He can’t be if he’s like this can he?”

“He can’t be happy if he’s dead either...” He whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut as he stroked his thumb across Callum’s hand slowly, silently praying for Callum to wake up. “Just go, Mick.” 

“Ben...”

“Go.” 

Mick nodded, even though Ben wasn’t looking at him, walking out with Holly following him. 

“Jay! You going in? I wouldn’t if I were you, he just kicked me out.”

Mick told Jay what Holly had told them both. 

“Sometimes I think he’ll be okay, then he just flips again and lashes out at us all. Lo’s tried to stop him doing anything stupid countless times, so have I. Did you say anything about him trying anything dodgy?”

“I mentioned it. He seemed a lot calmer, when we were talking about it. Then Holly told him what was happening and he gets all worked up again.”

“When something goes wrong or there’s a set back, it just makes him more determined to find whoever did this. I’m trying my hardest to keep him from doing anything stupid, but he won’t listen. Thought he might listen to you, cos your so close to Callum.”

“He was listening to me until Holly told him that. Thought I was getting through to him, but he kicked me out instead. He needs to go home, Jay, he’s looks shattered.”

“I can’t exactly drag him out of there though can I? I’ve tried, believe me. Think he just needs a bit of space right now. Let him process things.”

“Let me know how they both are later.” Mick squeezed Jay’s shoulder before he left. 

Jay stayed outside for a while, letting Ben be on his own with Callum, looking up when he heard someone approach. 

“Nick! Have you found anything?”

“We have actually, Ben around?”

Jay nodded to the room, standing up to let him in. 

“Be warned though, he’s not had the best news about Callum. They want to take his breathing tube away, but Ben won’t let them.”

“I’ll keep it brief and quick for him.”

“He’s not in a good place right now, so I’m hoping it’s good news or a lead at least. Just don’t take it personally if he kicks you out or shouts at you.”

Nick nodded as he followed Jay in to meet Ben.


	18. Chapter 18

Ben looked away from Callum when he saw Jay, rolling his eyes and sighing. 

“Mick sent you in, checking up on me?” 

“Err, no, but Nick has something for you.”

Jay walked further into the room, Nick following. 

“Have you found something?” Ben asked him. 

“We have this time.” 

Jay saw Ben’s eyes light up slightly, at the news. 

“Well, go on then!” Ben held onto Callum’s hand a little tighter. 

“That witness appeal I sent out, it worked. A man came forward, said he’d been cut up by a black BMW around the time of the accident. It was on the next street you were on, so we’re pretty sure it’s the same car that hit Callum.”

Ben dropped his gaze back down, letting out a long sigh.

“How’s that news?” He whispered. 

“This is good, Ben! We know the car was black, so if we can eliminate any that are any other colour. Grey, silver.”

“Yeah? So it’s not got a big sign on it saying: “I’m the car that your boyfriend!” Black! I mean, there’s loads of black, BMW’s around here!”

“I’ve not quite told you it all.”

Ben looked up again, searching Nick’s face. 

“The witness said it was definitely a male who was driving the car. This is good too, Ben. We can get rid of all the females who own BMW’s and all the cars that aren’t black. I know your expecting us to find the person now, but it’s a start. This is a really good lead, Ben. We’ve had nothing for nearly two weeks, now we’ve got a good start.”

“Yeah, but, they might have not been driving. Could have been someone else. Could have even been a woman.”

“We find out who owns the car, then who also has access to the car, if we find it, there will only be a couple of people it could have been.”

Ben nodded slightly before looking up at Nick nodding more surely. 

“It’s something I guess.”

“I very much doubt the person who has done this will come forward willingly anymore, they will be in a worse situation now than they would have been if they’d stopped and got out to help you. But we still are looking for them and we will find them, Ben.”

“Thank you. I want you to tell that to whoever came forward too.”

“Course. You just focus on Callum, alright? We’ll do the rest.”

Ben nodded again, making a mental note to let Tubbs know later, as Nick left. 

“Will you tell Mick sorry for kicking him out?”

“Yeah, course. He’s knows your stressed, doubt he’ll hold it against you.” Jay smiled at him.

“Tell him to come back.”

“Will do. In fact you can tell him yourself when you go home.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Jay...”

“You need sleep, Ben. You can’t keep pushing us all away.”

“I’m not.” Ben replied bluntly. 

“Yes you are! Your exhausted, Ben! Your here every hour of every day, you can’t-“

“Someone’s got to be here to not give up on him!”

“No one’s giving up on him, Ben!”

“Yes you are! And so is everyone else. The doctors have decided they don’t want to wait for Callum to wake up on his own, they’re just gonna take his breathing tube away and let him die!!”

“He might be able to cope without it, Ben.”

“If he can, why has he got it in now? Tell me that Jay! Because he can’t breathe without it!! They’re gonna take it away and he’s gonna die!” 

Ben buried his head in his Callum’s side, sobbing. “Then I’ll lose him.” He choked out. 

Jay rushed round the other side of the bed sitting next to Ben, rubbing his back. 

“You know what I think?”

Ben sniffed, looking up, his cheeks wet from his tears. 

“What?” He sighed. 

“I reckon your trying to push us all away so you can stay with Callum on your own for as long as possible because your scared you’ll have to say goodbye to him...”

“No!”

“I think your scared that you’ll have to say goodbye to him forever...”

“No, Jay! I’m not saying to goodbye to, Cal. No one is saying it, and I’ll never say it, cos he’s not gonna die! I won’t let him!” Ben glared at Jay before resting his head back into Callum’s side trying to breathe him in, but he just smelt like the hospital. 

“Come on, Ben, you know I’m right...”

“Get out...”

“Ben...”

“GET OUT!!” Ben sat back up, glaring at Jay. 

Jay rubbed down his back once more, before getting up to leave. 

“Just, please, think about Callum in all of this.”

Ben dropped his head back down into Callum’s side, letting his tears fall, now that Jay had left. 

Jay sat outside, waiting for Ben to calm down. 

“Luke!”

“Alright? Came to see how Ben is.”

“Not good. Just threw me out and Mick this morning. Can’t you go and speak to him? He seems to listen to you. Your the only one who can get through to him.”

“I can try...”


	19. Chapter 19

Ben groaned when he heard someone walk in slowly, not bothering to lift his head up. 

“Go away, Jay, I’m fine.”

“It’s me.”

Ben looked up seeing it was Luke, before dropping his head back down again into Callum’s side. 

“Is it safe to come in?” Luke asked, trying to lighten the atmosphere. 

“Depends.”

Luke said nothing, waiting for Ben to finish. 

“Depends if your gonna give me a lecture too.”

“Oh, Nope. Just seeing how you are.”

“Really great, never been better. Living my best life, I am.”

“Right. You don’t need to pretend your fine to me, you know. You can ask me to leave, I will if that’s what you want.”

Ben sighed lifting his head up to look at Luke.

“At least you’d actually listen to me if I wanted you to go away.”

“Do you...”

“Sit.” Ben told him. Luke sat down slowly next to Ben. 

“What have you done?!” Ben looked shocked as he looked over Luke’s face, noticing a cut and bruise under his eye.

“Oh, this? It’s nothing...”

“What happened?” Ben asked again. 

“Erm, walked into a door didn’t I?”

“A door? How can a door get you there?”

“I don’t know?! It just did! Sort of just slammed and I was standing there...”

“Isn’t that bad with your whole illness thingy?”

“It’s fine, Ben. Anyway stop changing the subject, I asked how you were, and don’t tell me your great cos your not. You look exhausted, Ben.”

Ben rolled his eyes at him, looking at Callum instead. 

“What do you want me to say, Cas? That I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t breathe?”

“Something like that.”

Ben whipped his head round, frowning at Luke. “Why?!”

“Cos it’s true, innit?”

Ben looked at Luke for a second longer before letting out a sigh. 

“Yeah...” He whispered. 

“Come ‘ere.” Luke gathered him in his arms, rubbing down his back as Ben let out a few sobs. 

“They want to take his breathing tube away!” He whined. 

“Why?!”

He didn’t reply for a while, sobbing into Luke as he held onto Ben. 

“They want to see if he can breathe without it...”

“Well, if they think it might help, surely he’ll be okay?”

“But they don’t know if he’ll be able to! They’re just gonna leave him to die!” He dropped his head back down onto Luke’s chest whining to himself. 

“I doubt they’re just gonna let him die. They’ve obviously thought it through a lot and think this is what’s best for Callum.”

“How is dying what’s best?! I won’t let them do it!!” Luke held Ben’s head to him letting him do what he had to, cry, shout.

“Ben, you can’t refuse to let them do it...”

“Yes I can! The longer I say no, the more time Callum can have to recover himself, without being forced to breathe on his own. It might make him weaker if he has to try and breathe on his own.”

Luke lifted Ben’s head up in his hands, forcing Ben to look at him. 

“Come on, your just delaying the inevitable. They’ll do it eventually.”

“But if I refuse, it will give Cal more time he might recover...”

“In what? The space of a couple of days?”

“It could happen!”

“Think of his quality of life.”

“I am! He might recover and be fine, if they just give him a little longer.”

“And after that? That little bit longer?”

“He will! Callum will get better! Why does no one believe in him, Cas? I’m the only one who hasn’t given up on him!”

“No ones given up on him. Just think about it, really think about it, Ben. If he’s going to be like this for the rest of his life and he’s unresponsive, you need to make a decision.”

“No! He’s going to be fine and we’re gonna go home together.”

Ben tried to look anywhere but at Luke, but Luke kept his head in his hands forcing him to look at him. 

“Ben! That’s no way to live is it?”

Ben shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to convince himself that Callum would be okay. 

“It IS what’s best for him and I think that you know it too.”

A tear slipped down his cheek, as he opened his eyes looking at Luke and nodding ever so slightly. 

“Okay...” He whispered. 

“You’ll let them do it?”

Ben nodded slowly again, as Luke took his hands away from his face. 

“Just consider what’s best for Callum. You don’t want him to be suffering, I know you don’t.”

“Holly said they’d leave it to his next scan first though...”

“And they will, see if he has started to recover. You’ve not lost him yet, Ben. They won’t do anything yet anyway, without your go ahead.”

Ben nodded, looking at Callum’s face, he looked so calm, not feeling any pain anymore. He didn’t ever want Callum to be in pain again. It killed Ben to see him like that, when he held onto him in the road and when he first woke up from the sedative. 

“You still look beautiful, Cal, even with all your cuts on your face...” 

Luke smiled at him, as Ben took Callum’s hand in his, pressing a kiss to it, before placing it back down gently, hooking his fingers around Callum’s hand. 

“I can’t lose him, Cas...” 

“You might not still, what was that about believing in him?”

“I do. Callum is my whole world. He’s the love of my life and I haven’t even told him yet... And my best friend. I can’t live without him, I can’t...”

“Ben! Your not living without him yet, he’s still here.”

“He’s here but it’s like he’s not here? If that make sense?” 

Ben didn’t wait for an answer, still looking at Callum, stroking his hand. He looked down at their hands, willing Callum’s fingers to close around his hand again like they did when he first woke up. They remained the same, unresponsive and open slightly, not closed fully around Ben’s hand. 

“He makes me so happy, always making me smile and laugh. Just makes me feel... alive, whenever I’m with him. There’s a piece of me missing when I’m not with him.” 

He was telling Luke all this, but ended up talking to Callum instead. Luke rubbed his back, trying to reassure him. 

“I belong with you, Cal. I need you. You have no idea how much I want to see your smile and hear your laugh everyday. I miss everything, I miss YOU. I know that wherever you are is where I’m meant to be, because you are my home, and I need you to come back me. I don’t know if you can hear me, but I NEED you to do everything you can to wake up. And I don’t care if you wake up and are different like Holly said you might be, if you hate me. I just want you back...”

Ben rested his head on Callum’s side, squeezing his eyes shut, clutching his hand. “I love you, with my whole life.”

Jay walked in slowly, Luke nodding to him, letting him know it was safe to come in. Jay mouthed a thank you to him, sitting on the opposite side of the bed to them both. 

Ben looked up at Jay, seeing who it was, before resting his head back on Callum, shutting his eyes.


	20. Chapter 20

Jay and Luke sat with him for a while, Luke still rubbing his back making Ben sleepy. He dropped off eventually, still clutching Callum’s hand. 

“He’s asleep.” Luke whispered to Jay. 

“He’s gonna get aches lying like that.”

“Least he’s actually sleeping, anyone can tell he’s barely sleeping, he looks shattered.”

“He is. He worries all the time. Thank you by the way, whatever you said to him obviously calmed him down.”

“It’s fine, honestly, I’m glad to help him somehow. Think he only won’t listen to you cos your his brother.”

“Maybe, but your the only one who can get through to him right now, I appreciate it.”

“Did he speak to Mick?”

“Yeah, how do you know about that?”

“Cos I told him he should speak to someone, he’s not coping. He told me Callum was closest to Mick, thought if he talked to Callum’s family, it might help.”

“Why are you being so nice to him, when you hardly know him?” 

Luke looked away from Ben, at Jay, frowning slightly. 

“Just curious.” Jay added. 

Luke looked back at Ben, finally taking his hand away from him. Ben’s breathing slow and gentle, the complete opposite of about ten minutes ago. 

“Cos when I first saw him, he looked... broken. Asked if he was alright, and he just told me everything that had happened. Think he just needed to tell a stranger that wasn’t his family. He needed a friend.” 

He looked away from Ben back to Jay, who was watching Luke intently. 

“Well, you’ve kept Ben from breaking these past few weeks, so thanks.”

“I’m glad I can help him somehow.”

“Looks sore, that.”

“Eh?”

“Your face.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, walked into a door.”

Luke looked back at Ben, smiling. He looked like he’d be asleep for hours. 

“I’ll leave you to it, doubt you want me to stay too long.” Luke stood up, walking to the door. 

“I don’t not like you, you know. Ben said you think I don’t.”

Luke stood rooted to the spot, trying to think of something to say. 

“Ben needs you here too. Your the only one who can get through to him. He misses you when your not here. Stay.” Jay added. 

“He does??”

“Well, he hasn’t literally said he does, but I reckon so. He’s different when your around.”

“Different?” 

“Calmer. Not kicking off at us all. He’ll be disappointed if your not here when he wakes up.”

“Doubt it. I’ve not been for a few days, he seemed fine to me then.”

“I’ve literally just asked you to do something because he’s kicking off again? Didn’t seem fine to me, now look at him, after you spoke to him. Besides, you can keep me company can’t you, sitting here on my own.” Jay offered him a smile as Luke turned around, walking slowly to sit back next to Ben. 

“He needs a pillow for his head. He’ll be getting neck ache next.”

“Holly left one from before, down there.” Jay told him. 

Luke slid his hand under Ben’s head, lifting him up slowly, sliding the pillow onto Callum’s side, before placing his head back down gently. Ben didn’t stir once, still breathing deeply. Luke sat back down next to him, smiling at him, looking so calm, nothing like he was not too long ago. 

“You care about him. Alot.” Jay said more to himself than to Luke. He looked back at Jay a little startled. 

“I’m not just gonna throw his head back down am I?”

“Didn’t mean that. I meant everything you’ve done for him. And then.” He nodded to Ben lying on the pillow. 

“I haven’t done anything??”

“Well, I don’t think so, he lashes out at us and you seem to be able to talk to him, make him see sense.”

“Like I said, he needed a friend.” 

“I’m just glad that someone can get through to him.”

Luke jumped and looked away from Jay, when his phone rang. 

“Sorry.” He said to Jay, before turning it on silent. 

Jay frowned as he watched Luke just staring at the screen. 

“You not gonna answer it?”

Luke ignored him, staring at it for a while longer before finally picking up. 

“What’s up?”

Jay watched as Luke looked at Ben before dropping his gaze back to his lap. 

“I can’t. I’m busy.”

Luke sighed to himself, as he listened to the other person, before standing up slowly. 

“Okay! I’m coming, alright.” He hung up, sighing, turning to Jay.  
“Sorry, I’m gonna have to go. It’s important.”

“Trouble?”

“No, it’s all good. Tell Ben to hang in there.”

He smiled at Jay, looking at Ben one last time, before leaving. 

Jay sat with Ben and Callum for a couple of hours, not wanting Ben to wake up and no one be with him. He thought that Ben would only be asleep for an hour or so, but he didn’t wake up for three hours. 

Ben sat up slowly, yawning, stretching his arms behind him. 

“Anything exciting happen?” 

“Nope. I’ve just sat here. Luke left not long ago, someone called him, needed him. Do you feel a bit better? You’ve been asleep for three hours.”

“Three hours?!”

“Yep. Why, doesn’t matter does it, your knackered.”

“Suppose not.”

“He fancies you.” Jay stated. 

“Who?”

“Luke.” Ben shot his round tearing his gaze away from Callum to look at Jay. 

“Luke?!”

“Yep.”

“He’s got a boyfriend!”

“Can still fancy someone if you’ve got a boyfriend. That’s how you and Callum started innit? Besides didn’t think things we’re great with his boyfriend anyway?”

“Don’t be so ridiculous! They aren’t great right now but he’ll work something out. He’s my friend, Jay. He knows Callum means everything to me and I love him. I’ve been visiting Cal all day everyday, I just need him to wake up. Luke knows I’ve been going out of my mind worrying about Callum. Trust me Jay, he doesn’t fancy anyone.”

“Alright! He either fancies you or he’s just miserable cos things aren’t working out with his boyfriend. I mean he’s here all the time and he doesn’t know Callum, and he’s only know me you for about two or three weeks. 

“He’s hasn’t been for a few days ever since I asked him where my coffee was actually, just left.”

“Eh?”

“Oh don’t matter. Apart from today obviously. He still thinks you don’t like him either.”

“When I have I ever said I don’t?”

“You haven’t! He said he just feels like you don’t.”

“I don’t not like him, just think he’s got something about him. Just think it’s weird he’s here most of the time. I told him I didn’t not like him anyway, when you were asleep.”

“He’s more likely to be upset cos he misses his boyfriend. Stop worrying Jay, I’m not exactly gonna run off with him am I? You know Cal’s my priority right now.”

“I never said he wasn’t, just kept seeing Luke gazing at ya.”

“Gazing? Why you being so weird today? He’s just my friend, Jay.”

“I’m not being weird! I literally saw him holding your face in his hands GAZING at you.”

“He was trying to convince me to let them take Cal’s breathing tube out!”

“And did it work?”

“He was forcing me to look at him, cos he knew I wasn’t listening to him. I said I’d let them do it...”

“You know it’s what’s best for Callum...”

“I know...” Ben whispered, still looking at Callum. 

“And when you were asleep, Luke still kept smiling at you.” Jay added. 

“So! I smile at Holly, doesn’t mean I’ve turned straight and I’m gonna jump into bed with her?! Or any men! Just cos he’s gay, doesn’t mean he’s in love with me, Jay!”

“Alright?!”

“Your definitely being weird...”

“Just forget I said anything okay?”

“I am, trust me.”

“I don’t trust Luke though, that’s the thing.” Jay added to himself, Ben didn’t notice, he was too busy watching Callum. 

They sat in silence for a while only the steady beep of Callum’s heart monitor in the background. 

“Go back to sleep, bet your still tired.”

“Nah, I’m good. I never intentionally fall asleep, I just do.”

“That cos your shattered, Ben.”

“I’m fine, I’m okay sitting here with Cal. Where’d Luke go anyway?”

“Dunno. Sounded annoyed though. Said he was busy, but told them he was coming anyway.”

“He didn’t want to go?”

“Not by the sounds of it. Maybe they really needed him.”

“Maybe. Maybe he’s gone to see Alex. They’re still not getting on at the moment.”

“Alex?”

“His not-quite-sure-if-he’s-Cas’-boyfriend, boyfriend.”

“Right. Why do you call him that anyway.”

“Cos that’s his real name. Told me. Boyfriend doesn’t know that either.”

“Cas?”

“Yeah, said his name’s Caspian-Luke, but he hates his first name, so tells everyone he’s just Luke.”

“Why do you call him that then, if he hates it?”

“Said Cas didn’t sound so bad and I said I’m calling him that anyway, cos it’s different innit?”

“Suppose. Don’t know about you, but I’m starvin’, I’m gonna go grab something.”

“Oo, grab me something too.”

Jay gasped, grinning at Ben. 

“Ben Mitchell? Actually eating? Didn’t think I’d ever see the day again!”

“Oi! I’m never hungry!” Ben frowned at Jay, smiling anyway. 

“That’s cos you worry all the time.”

“I can’t help it! I always worry about Cal.”

“I know, I was kidding. Want anything in particular?”

“Anything.”

They grinned at each other as Jay left. 

“Don’t miss me too much!” Jay called. 

Ben smiled to himself as he looked back at Callum. 

“Come on, Cal. I need you to wake up, your strong, I know you can do it. I’d give anything or do absolutely anything for you to wake up, I love you so much. I’d give my life for you to have yours, if I could. If you can hear me, I’m literally begging you Cal, please...”

He squeezed Callum’s hand in his, as he watched him ‘sleep’. He preferred to tell himself he was sleeping, instead of being stuck in his coma. 

“Just come back home to me...”


	21. Chapter 21

Callum doesn’t know who I am, but I know pretty much how he’s doing. 

I know that Callum has a broken arm, and a broken leg and also has broken multiple ribs. He’s fractured his neck, and is currently in a coma, unable to breathe for himself. 

Now, I’m not stupid. I know exactly what the police will be doing right now. Work out the car, work out the colour, work out who was driving, work out it was me. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But then there’s the small flaw in the plan. Maybe you could work out the car and the colour, but what if that car disappeared from the radar? What if I drove it out of London, further away, a lot further away, where the I know the police wouldn’t look. What if, I’d abandoned it somewhere where you wouldn’t be able to find it? 

Work out the make of the car? You might have already done that. Work out the colour? Maybe you know that too. Then what? That’s where your gonna hit a wall, who was the driver? How would you ever know who the driver is, if there was no longer a car? I can’t risk you finding it can I? Knowing my DNA and most likely Callum’s DNA on it, leading you straight to me. 

I can’t risk everything falling apart. I need to keep this up, so that’s exactly what I did, covering my tracks. 

Abandon the car, abandon any clues as to... Who. I. Am.

You weren’t supposed to meet me. But you did. I remember the first time I met you, I asked if you were alright, you looked... defeated. Did you already know who I really was?

I didn’t know what you’d do or say now you’d found me out. I needed to keep you close, let you trust me. I couldn’t let anyone know my secret and you still didn’t know the full extent of it or who I really was. 

So that’s what I did. 

You slowly began to trust me. Letting me in. You’d come to me if you were worried, you come to me if you just wanted to talk. You’d start coming to me always, because I was the one who you could really trust. I wouldn’t betray that trust would I? That’s what I knew you were thinking in your head. 

I knew who Callum was too, what I’d done to him. And you knew him. I really couldn’t let you go now. I had to keep you near to me, make sure you didn’t find out who I really was. Or maybe it was so I could get to you first, incase you decided you knew it was me. And try and use it against me. 

I know who you are. A lot of things about you. Because you choose to tell me. I didn’t force it out of you did I? I’m not that cruel...

I know how to calm you down, talk you down from doing things. I know how to make you angry too. And how to make you do things. I can go both ways to make you do what I want you too. 

That’s because you trust me. 

Why do people trust others? I didn’t ask you too, it’s not my fault you thought you could trust me. You just... did.

I don’t want to end up hurting you, I’m not a bad person, so I let you trust me. Who am I to tell you otherwise? It’s not like I’m lying to you, you’ve never asked me if you could trust me? 

So if you ever ask if you can trust me, I doubt you will though, I won’t say no, I won’t give you a straight answer, keep you wondering I suppose. Unless you suddenly decide that you really can’t trust me, when I’ve gave you no reason not to. 

But if you stopped trusting me, I really wouldn’t want to do it and I don’t think you’d want it either, but then I would have to really hurt you...


	22. Chapter 22

It had been four weeks since the accident, Callum had been in his coma for three of them after waking up for not even a day from the sedative. He’d remained the same for the last week, since the doctors had decided to take his breathing tube away. 

Ben sat next to Callum, holding his hand, stroking his thumb across it slowly. 

“Come on Cal, I need you to wake up now... Pleease, I need you to come back to me. I miss you so much... I just need to speak to you properly. I miss your voice. I miss everything about you... ‘Specially your eyes. I haven’t seen them in so long... They’re beautiful, ALL of you is beautiful. I need you.” 

He sighed to himself, looking at Callum’s face. Some of the grazes looked like they were finally starting to heal, but the deep cut down the left side of his face, still had its stitches in it, still not looking much better. 

“Jay thinks I’m having some kind of meltdown. Feel like I am sometimes... I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life. I’m always cryin’ now. I never used to, got me reputation to uphold haven’t I? I just miss you so much and can’t bare the thought of losing you and not ever having you in my life anymore... I either get so angry at whoever did this to you or cry cos your here and like this. It hurts to see you like this...”

Ben squeezed Callum’s hand gently, hooking his fingers fully around his hand instead. 

“I even tried doing one of those sudoku thingys this morning. I mean, do I ever do that? I’ll be doing crosswords next!” 

Ben chuckled to himself, but went quiet, sighing again, Callum probably couldn’t hear him. Ben carried on anyway, just in case Callum could hear him. 

“Lexi misses you a lot. Wants to know why you can’t come home. I never know what to say to her, don’t wanna get her hopes up but I don’t want to scare her. You were always good at talking to her, making her happy if she’s sad, making her laugh. She loves you as much as I do. You’d make a great dad one day.”

Ben smiled at Callum, imagining the two of them having their own child one day. 

“An amazing dad... Told her you were having a long sleep. She already knows you ‘had a fall’. Didn’t know what else to say. You know how to word things to her, make her understand. You need to tell me how you do it, when you wake up...”

Ben still told himself all the time that Callum would wake up, hoping that if he put all his faith in Callum, he’d breathe on his own and wake up from his coma. 

“She thinks your Sleeping Beauty now and I should just kiss you and you’d wake up. Even said I was Prince Charming, cos only he can wake up the princess. It did cheer me up slightly though, imagining you being a princess. Well, you have actually, when Lex tries to dress you up.”

Ben watched Callum, remembering all those days the three of them spent together, Lexi attempting to put make up on them, dressing them both up. Wishing he could just go back to how it was before all of this happened. 

“Pfft, you don’t think I’m Prince Charmin’. I’m more likely to be one the dwarfs. Your always picking on me height. Or is that a different princess to Sleeping Beauty??”

Ben frowned to himself trying to remember what Lexi had told him this morning. 

“I didn’t even know which princess she was on about to start with. There’s about fifty aren’t there? I’ve lost count, she’s got a new favourite every week. Tried to escape but she kept telling who each princess was and the whole story about them. I didn’t mind to be honest, she didn’t seem to be worrying about you too much, so that’s good. Wish I could just kiss you and you’d wake up. I wish it was that easy...”

Ben looked up when Holly and Jay walked in. 

“Found this one lurking outside.” Holly smiled, nodding her head at Jay. 

“I was not lurkin’! Was just tryna decide what mood he was in today...”

“I’m fine, honestly. Just sitting ‘ere, talking to Cal.”

“You might not be in such a good mood when I tell you this.” Holly winced, looking at Ben, returning with the reports of the scans they’d done this morning. 

“Please tell me he’s made some kind of recovery? Even the smallest bit?”

“He has made the tiniest amount of progress...”

“That’s good isn’t it? You don’t need to take his tube out now, surely? We can just wait a bit longer for him to recover properly. I mean, I’ve sat here waiting for weeks, I’m sure I can wait a bit longer...”

“It’s not that simple, Ben. We can see that a small part of his brain has experienced some activity. But it could be a long while until he makes anymore progress.”

“Why can’t we just wait?”

“He might not make anymore progress...”

“Can he hear me?”

“Possibly. All patients are different. Some wake up and say they can’t remember a thing about being in a coma but still have their memories, some say they could hear voices and some may experience memory loss or brain damage.”

“Will he...”

“We can’t be certain Callum will recover without any damage done, but from when we operated on him we know he hit the ground, head first. We think that Callum is most likely to experience some kind of brain damage. It could just be minor though, so don’t worry about that yet, we’ll get to that if he comes to it.”

“If...” Ben squeezed his eyes shut, not dare thinking about Callum never coming home. 

“The doctors think, that we shouldn’t wait any longer.”

“Wait, your not taking it away from him now are you?!”

“Not today, tomorrow...”

“Tomorrow!!” Ben looked back at Callum, all thoughts of putting his faith in him, gone out the window. All he could think about was him being unable to breathe and dying. “I need longer...”

“We need to do it, Ben...”

Ben squeezed his shut, tight, knowing that Holly was right. 

“Okay... but it’s definitely going to be tomorrow, not today?”

“Definitely tomorrow.” 

“And I’ll be here? Cos I want to be incase...”

“It might not come to that, Ben. And you will definitely be here.” Holly said quickly. 

Ben nodded, still gripping onto Callum’s hand. He didn’t think he could ever let go. 

Holly gave him a sympathetic smile before leaving, Jay sat opposite Ben, as he looked back at Callum. 

“What happens if they take his breathing tube away and he needs it?” Jay asked. 

“They said they’re gonna take it out and see if he can breathe without and if not they’ll put it back in.”

“What if they have to keep doing that?”

“Then they’ll eventually take it out and just... let him die...”

“Oh Ben...”

“What Jay?!” He snapped, glaring at him. “Ben what?! Go on finish your sentence. Tell me something that’s gonna make me feel better about Callum dying!”

Jay said nothing. 

Ben pressed the base of his palms into his eyes, sighing. “Argh! I’m sorry, I need to stop taking it out on you.”

“It’s fine, I know your stressed.”

“It’s not though. Your just tryna help. I know he’s in a coma and can’t do anything and probably can’t hear me but at least he’s alive.... He’s alive and not... dead.”

“But he can’t stay like this forever can he?”

“I know...”

“Just take one day at a time. Try and think positive, I know it’s hard, but Callum might be able to do it.”

“Maybe...”


	23. Chapter 23

“You goin’ in today?”

Ben jumped when Luke walked up from behind him, speaking to him. 

“I can’t...”

They both stood outside the hospital, Ben rooted to the spot outside the front door, unable to move. 

“Why’s today any different?”

“There taking Cal’s breathing tube away today...”

“Thought you’d want to be there, with him?”

“I do...”

“Then why can’t you go in?”

“They won’t do it, until I’m there...”

“Yeah?”

“If I don’t go in, they might leave him alone...”

“Oh, Ben...”

“I can’t just sit there and let him die...”

“He might not die!”

They both stood there in silence, Ben staring at the front door. 

“Don’t go then.” Luke stated, shrugging his shoulders. 

Ben looked at Luke, squinting. “That’s it? Your not gonna force me?”

“No. Don’t go.”

“Why aren’t you trying to convince me?”

“Cos if you don’t go today, you’ll have to go tomorrow.” He pointed out.

“But Callum might be able to get better on his own, if I wait. Holly said he’d progressed a small bit.”

“And if you don’t go tomorrow?”

“I don’t know...” Ben sighed looking back at the door. 

“You can’t avoid him forever...”

“I know... I see what your doing.”

“Eh?”

“Trying to make me convince myself instead of forcing me.”

“Did it work?” 

“Maybe...” Ben smiled at Luke, looking back at the front door. “Your coming too aren’t you?”

“If you want me to, Alex wanted me to go and see him, ‘sort stuff out’ apparently, but I can come with you if you need me.”

“Oh, you go. I don’t want to be the cause of any more troubles between you.”

“I’m coming. I can speak to him later, he’s probably busy anyway, patients and all that other stuff doctors do?”

Ben smiled widely at him, finally walking inside, both slowly walking to Callum’s room. 

“Thank you for not pushing me, letting me make my own choice.” Ben told him. 

“You know they’ll do it eventually.”

“I know. I’m just so scared I’m gonna lose him.”

“You might not, try and stay positive.”

“I do! But then I just think about everything that’s happened. Everything keeps going wrong...”

“How? Apart from being here, obviously.”

They walked into Callum’s room, Ben sitting down next to him, immediately taking Callum’s hand in his, Luke sitting next to Ben. 

“We were happy and someone had to take that away from us, running him over. When he first had surgery, all the doctors had to rush over there, cos his lung collapsed. He finally woke up from the sedative after I’d been waiting for a week and then flatlined. He had to have even more surgery, cos he had internal bleeding. Then they said he needed to be in a coma and can’t breathe for himself anymore. Everything keeps going wrong. And now...”

“Now hasn’t happened yet though.”

“Now, I cant help thinking that they’ll take his tube away and he’ll die...”

“He might not.”

“I sure hope so, cos I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I lose him...”

Luke wrapped his arm around Ben, rubbing down his arm trying to reassure him. 

Jay, Lola, Kathy, Mick and Stuart arrived not long later. Holly had ushered them all out, muttering to herself that there were too many crowding around Callum. She let Luke stay as he was already with Ben, before she hurried off again, going to find the doctor. 

“I feel like everyone’s waiting for him to die...” Ben told Luke.

“They’re here to support you, Ben. You’ve got a lot of people around you, and if the worst does happen,-“ Luke looked at Ben noticing his face drop. “I’m sure it won’t! But they will be here for you.”

“I know they will. I must have said sorry to Jay a thousand times, cos I keep shouting at him or throwing him out.”

“I’m sure he’s not gonna hold it against you.” 

Ben smiled at Luke. “You always know what to say to me.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I should become a counsellor!”

“You’d make a pretty good one to be fair. You always know what to say to me to make me feel better or calm me down.”

Luke didn’t get a chance to reply, both of them looking up as Holly and a doctor returned. 

“I’ll wait outside.” Luke told him, standing up, squeezing his shoulder. 

“No, you can stay. If you want...”

“You need to do this on your own, Ben. I’ll be outside.” Luke offered him a smile, as Ben turned back to the doctor. 

“What do you do then? Just take it out?”

“In simple terms, yes. We’ll take it out and monitor his vitals to make sure he’s able to breathe without the additional support.”

Ben nodded as he stood at the bottom of Callum’s bed out of the way. 

“And what happens if that doesn’t work?”

“We can try and put it back in for now, but if we have to keep doing that, your gonna have to make a decision...”

Ben nodded slowly, gripping onto the bottom of the bed, making his knuckles turn white. 

“I can’t do this...” Ben whispered to himself. 

“You can stand outside if it helps, I’ll come get you when we know more.” 

Ben shot his head up to look at the doctor not realising he’d said it out loud. 

“Er, no. I want to be here.”

“You sure?”

Ben nodded, squeezing his shut not wanting to watch as she took it out. 

“Right, now we wait for a bit.”


	24. Chapter 24

Ben snapped his eyes back open when one of the machines started beeping. 

“What’s happening? He’s not flatlining again is he?!”

“No, look.” She nodded to two machines, but Ben was too busy panicking. 

“Ben, just look at his heart monitor. It’s steady, the beeping is from the other because his blood pressure is getting higher.”

Ben let out a small sigh when he watched the heart monitor, still reading Callum’s heart rate.

“Is his blood pressure high bad?”

“Not just yet, just give it a few minutes, his body is under a lot of pressure to try and breathe when he’s not used to it anymore.”

“What if he just starts flatlining again?!”

“He shouldn’t.”

Callum started wheezing slightly, Ben’s eyes darting back and forth between Callum and the doctor. 

“Shouldn’t you do something?! He can’t do it!”

“That’s probably because his throat will be dry from the tube he’s had in.”

“He doesn’t sound okay...”

Ben walked out of Callum’s room, shaking, wringing his hands together. 

Everyone was standing waiting for Ben, to tell them the latest update. He just stood there looking at them, trying to breathe, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. 

“The doctor took it out...” He started. 

Jay walked over to Ben, wrapping his arm around him, rubbing down his arm. No one said anything, none of them pushing him, letting him tell them in his own time. 

“He’s still breathing... on his own...” He choked out. 

He sank to the floor, sobbing to himself. “I think he’s gonna be okay...” Breathing out a small sigh of relief. 

Jay sat next to him, gathering Ben in his arms, still shaking, rocking him slightly. Ben buried his head in Jay’s chest, sobbing to himself. 

“He did it, Jay.”

“What did I say? He’s a fighter.”

“He’s actually breathing on his own. I thought they’d have to try loads of times.”

Jay held onto Ben for a while, letting him calm down, his breathing returning back to normal. 

“How is he now?” Jay asked. 

“Not too sure about the full details, she took it out and his blood pressure got a little too high.”

“Is that the beeping thingy we could hear?”

Ben nodded sitting back up, drying his eyes. 

“He started wheezing and I thought he was dying but then he just went quiet. Then I really thought he’d died...”

“He hasn’t, Ben. You can say that now, he’s going to be okay. And the doctors only had to try it once. All that stressing you’ve been doing and he did it first time.”

“He went quiet cos he was fine, think I was annoying the doctor. I freaked out a bit.”

“I doubt you were annoying her! Course your gonna freak out if you thought something was wrong.”

“The doctor told me to come and tell you while she makes sure he’s okay.”

“Do you wanna go back in there, now?”

Ben nodded, both standing up. 

The doctor smiled at them when they both walked in, Ben standing next to Callum, holding his hand. 

“Callum is still in his coma, but there is clearly brain stem activity. That’s why he can now breathe on his own. I’ve turned the ventilator off too, he doesn’t need that anymore, if he’s able to breathe for himself. 

Ben looked at Callum, sitting down slowly. He still couldn’t talk to him, tell Callum he loved him. 

“This is a good sign, Ben.”

Ben nodded slowly, still looking at Callum, he looked different somehow. Maybe it was because he didn’t have the tube anymore. Ben could look at his face properly, still scattered with cuts and grazes and the deep cut down the side of his face. 

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s more than likely, that Callum will have some kind of brain damage, but we don’t know how little or bad until he wakes up.”

“Is it when now? Not IF he wakes up?”

“Without any other complications, which I doubt there will be, Callum should wake up soon.”

Jay smiled at Ben as he smiled widely at Callum. 

“When will he wake up?” 

“When he’s ready. It’s difficult to say.”

“Days? Weeks?”

“I possibly think a few days, as he’s breathing on his own now, but that’s just a prediction, don’t get your hopes up too high. It’s going to be a long road ahead. For BOTH of you.”

“Well, he’s breathing on his own now, that’s something. There’s still a chance he could recover fully, so I’m taking that right now. I can cope with a few more days.” 

The doctor left them, Ben still smiling at Callum. 

“He’s gonna be okay, Jay...”

“He’s strong, whatever happens now, I know you can both get through it together.”

“We will. I just can’t wait until he comes home.”

“Told you he would come back to you.”

“I can’t wait to finally speak to him too. I miss talking to him.”

“I know you do.”

“Are the others still out there?”

“Think so, do you want me to go and get them?”

“You’ll have to try and dodge Holly though or she’ll kick ‘em out again.”

Jay smiled at him as Ben sat there still smiling at Callum. 

“Ben looks happy.” Kathy said to Jay. “Take it it’s good news.”

“Finally.” Jay told them everything the doctor told them, whilst Ben waited for them. 

Ben sat holding Callum’s hand, stroking his thumb across it slowly. 

“You obviously listened to me, Cal, when I said you needed to come back to me. You finally are. Lexi’s gonna be so happy. I can’t wait to tell her your coming home soon.” 

Ben looked back up as everyone walked in quietly. 

“If Holly comes we’re gonna have to hide behind the door.” Jay grinned, sitting back down next to Ben. 

“Callum always used say he didn’t really have a family, but if he could see all you here now...”

“Course we’re gonna be here for him. And for you.” Ben smiled gratefully at Mick.

“I’m sorry if I’ve shouted at you all or kicked you out. ‘specially you, Jay, I’ve not been the best to be around lately.”

“It’s fine, we know you’ve been driving yourself crazy over Callum. At least he’s gonna be okay now.”

“Yeah. I’m glad.”

Ben smiled at Callum, finally letting himself have hope that they would be okay together. They’d get through whatever, if they had each other, even if Callum didn’t recover fully. Ben would stick by him no matter what.


	25. Chapter 25

“You alright?”

Ben looked up and smiled at Luke. 

“Erm, yeah, just thinkin’”

“Callum’s not...”

“No, no, he’s fine. You only saw him yesterday when they took his breathing tube away, he’s still okay.”

“Everything else is okay with Callum then isn’t it?”

“Yeah, he’s doin’ well, considering.”

Luke sat down next Ben, looking at him. 

“Whatcha thinkin’ about then? Innit a bit cold to be sitting outside?”

“Just how things were different when I last sat on this bench.”

“Weren’t that the day we met?”

“M-h. When I was driving myself crazy over Callum cos he’d just flatlined and now I know he’s gonna be okay and he finally come home soon.”

“Bet your finally happy.”

“Not yet.”

“Eh?”

“I’ll be happy when he’s actually home where he belongs.”

Luke smiled at Ben as he sat smiling to himself at the thought of Callum home. 

“Thank you by the way.” Ben added. “You’ve been good to me these past few weeks, kept me going. Don’t what I’d have done without you to be honest.”

“You’d have been fine, you’ve still got your family, just glad I can help you somehow.”

“Yeah well, you’ve kept me sane and calm for Cal. Your a good person.”

They sat there for a while, until it got too cold. 

“Think I’m gonna make a move.” Ben told Luke standing up. “Gonna go see Cal.”

Luke stood up next to Ben, wincing slightly when Ben hugged him, startling him slightly from Ben hugging him unexpectedly. 

“Did I just hurt you?! I’m so sorry.”

“Oh no, course not! Just knocked it on something the other day, still hurts a little.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine honestly. Stop saying sorry.”

“Sorry.” 

“Ben! Don’t even say it again...”

Ben grinned at him, holding his hands up in surrender. “Okay! You’ve still got that cut under your eye, can’t you ask Holly to take a look at it?”

“I’m fine. You know it’ll take longer to go away.”

“Still don’t how a door could get you there.”

“It did, so I’m stuck with this for the time being.”

“You coming with me, or...”

“Only if you want me too.”

“Well, Callum’s not very talkative at the moment.” Ben smiled at Luke, heading inside together. 

“He will be soon.”

“I’m still expecting Holly to tell me something bad has happened to him. Then I’ll be back at square one.”

“He’s okay. And you can speak to him soon.”

Luke smiled at Ben as he grinned to himself at the thought of talking to Callum sitting down next to him, immediately taking Callum’s hand in his own. 

“Did you speak to Alex after you left yesterday?” 

“Err, yeah, well I do live with him so we can’t ignore each other forever.”

“You live with him?”

“Yep. Moved into his house ‘bout two years ago. I’ve known him for four years now. Couldn’t believe my look when I first saw his house, thought it huge and fancy compared to my flat I used to live in. Doesn’t seem so big anymore though.”

“Get you bagging a doctor and moving into a massive posh house.”

“Yeah...”

“Surely it’s your place to say he works too much, not him?”

“Dunno, that’s what he said.”

“I’ve never seen him round here actually. Not that I know what he looks like, just it’s usually Holly in here and the doctor yesterday.”

“Works down the other side of the hospital, not here in ICU. He only usually comes down here when he’s needed.”

“I can’t bare not talking to Cal now. Would probably be worse if he actually chose not to speak to me.”

“We are speaking, it’s just a bit awkward. Anyway, enough of that, is Callum moving in with you, when he can home?”

“Dunno what’s happening. I’m sure we’ll sort something out. I’ve not told Lex yet, just incase. Don’t want her to get too excited then it not happen.”

“I doubt anything will. You said he’s doing well.”

“Holly said his lung has nearly healed so he shouldn’t go frightening the life outta me and flatlining. And course you already know he’s finally breathing on his own, just need to see how his neck is when he wakes up and his broken bones, mainly his ribs though.”

“I’m sure they’ll heal too, in time.”

“I still can’t believe he actually survived. I mean, he’s got so many broken bones and his fractured neck. All these weeks, I really thought I was gonna lose him.”

“You haven’t, hold onto that.”

“Yeah, I am.”

They sat there for a while in a comfortable silence, Ben watching Callum. 

“I haven’t hurt you have I?” Ben looked at Luke, holding onto his side. He jumped at the break in silence, looking deep in thought.

“Eh?”

“Did I hurt you, your clutching your side?”

He moved his hand, resting it in his lap instead. 

“Oh! No, it was already sore cos I bashed it, it’ll be okay in a few days.”

“You okay? You look like something’s troubling you?”

“Yeah! I’m alright.”

“Is it Alex?”

“Eh?”

“What your thinking about?”

“A bit. I think I need...”

Ben looked at him, frowning at him, he looked like he was in a daze. 

“Are you okay?”

Luke shook his head turning his head to look at Ben. 

“Err yeah... don’t you worry about me.”

“You sure your okay, you look a bit lost?” He was wringing his hands together looking at Ben. 

“I can’t do this.”

“Do what??”

He stood up slowly still looking at Ben. 

“Cas? What’s wrong?! Your scaring me now?”

“Erm, I’ll... be back.” He tore his gaze away from Ben leaving suddenly. 

“Cas!” 

Ben frowned at the door, wondering what was wrong with him.


	26. Chapter 26

Luke still didn’t return for hours, so Ben dropped him a text which he ignored. 

Cas-2:46- What was that about?? You freaked me out a bit. Just let me know your okay?

Jay arrived not long after, sitting opposite Ben. 

“What’s up?”

“Eh?” Ben looked up at Jay, frowning at him. 

“You look... confused?”

“Just thinking about what Cas said?”

“He’s not tried it on has he?!”

“What?! No, course not!”

“Hmm...” Jay squinted at Ben. 

“He hasn’t! And he won’t!”

“What’s he say then?”

“I don’t even know really. He just sat there, said he can’t do this, then left??”

“Can’t do what?”

“Exactly! That’s what I said! But he just left! I text him a few hours ago and he’s just ignored me too.”

“What did I say? He totally fancies you!”

“Jay! Would you just stop with the whole fancying thing!”

“Listen, right, hear me out.”

Ben rolled his eyes, looking at Jay anyway.

“He ‘can’t do this’ because he fancies you and can’t take sitting here with you when your with Callum!”

“Oh don’t be so ridiculous, Jay! I don’t why he ‘can’t do this’ but it has nothing to do with me!”

Jay raised his eyes at Ben, still sticking to his theory.

“Got it?!”

Jay still said nothing making a show of reading a magazine on the side. 

“Got it?!”

Jay huffed, chucking the magazine back on the side. 

“Fine! I’ll say no more.”

“Good.”

“Still think he’s fancies you though...”

“JAY!”

“What?! He’s totally got it bad!”

Ben groaned to himself, dropping his head into Callum’s side, knowing that Jay wasn’t going to back down.

They sat together for a while, an awkward silence hanging between them, Ben still resting his head on Callum’s side. 

Ben shot his head up looking at Callum.

“What?” Jay looked between them both, as Ben ignored him staring wide-eyed at Callum. He looked at Callum before looking at his hand. 

“Ben?!”

“Cal... I swear he just moved his hand...”

“Did he?”

“I’m sure he did...”

“Maybe you just moved your hand in his.”

Ben sighed looking back at Jay. 

“I just thought...”

“Callum will wake up when he’s ready, Ben. Holly said he can move slightly if he’ll wake up soon, it’s probably his subconscious or summut like that, can’t remember what Holly said.”

“The other doctor did say a few days and it was only yesterday they took it away...”

“Try not to worry, he’ll wake up when he’s ready.”

Ben nodded slowly, looking back at their hands together, willing him to do something. Callum’s hand not fully closed around Ben’s. 

“Maybe he can hear us?” Ben said looking at Callum’s face for any other signs of waking up. 

“Could do, or maybe he won’t remember a thing.”

Ben shot his round to look at Jay. 

“You think he’s gonna forget me?!” A panicked look written on his face. 

“No! That’s not what I meant! I meant he might not remember hearing your voice.”

“Oh... I’d forgotten about that, possible brain damage... what if he does forget me?!”

“It’s possible but I’m sure he won’t...”

“What if he does forget, Jay?” Ben’s eyes went wide as he looked at Jay, thinking about something else. “What if he HATES me?!”

“You’ll work something out whatever happens, you love him don’t you?”

“Course I do!”

“Well, then. You’ll wait for him, it could just be temporary. Or it might not happen at all. He could wake up and remember everything.”

“I really hope so...”


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s coming people! I know you’ve all been waiting for Callum to wake up! Hang in there!
> 
> I kinda feel a little pressure to get this right, him waking up, for you all. I’m slightly nervous to post the next few chapters. You’ll have to let me know what you think! 
> 
> I love reading all of your theories too! So keep them coming! I’ve had some strange ones, but don’t hesitate to tell me what your thinking or what might happen!
> 
> I’ve had a lot of support from many of you on here and off here, so I want to thank you all. All of you inspired me to write in the first place!
> 
> ————————————————————

“I think he might wake up soon.” Holly stated. 

“How soon?” Ben kept looking from Callum to Holly, expecting him to wake up right now. 

“Erm, I reckon a couple of days, maybe sooner.”

“The doctor said a few days ages ago.”

“She did say that was just a prediction, and that was only four days ago, Ben! It’s not like it’s been weeks, she is a doctor! Pretty sure she knows what she’s on about. I’m thinking a few days now though.”

“How can you tell? I could of swore he moved his hand the other day. Jay thought it was just me though.”

“He’s breathing more heavily now, not faintly like you typically would in a coma. It’s more like he’s just sleeping. I think he’ll probably be more aware.”

“He can hear me?”

“Maybe, but I meant aware as in his body isn’t in such a faint state. His body hasn’t slowed right down anymore when he was first in the coma. It’s working on it’s own now.”

Ben wasn’t really listening, he was too busy smiling at Callum, at the thought of him waking up. 

“I know he’ll wake up soon, but don’t get your hopes up too high, we don’t know what state he’ll be in when he does wake up...”

Ben looked at Holly, nodding slowly. “I just want to talk to him.”

“I know you do, but you might not be able to properly when he wakes up. He’s still not going to be fully aware. It’s gonna take time for his body to process things. A lot has happened to him in the past few weeks. He’s going to be drained. You will be able to speak to him soon though.”

“What will you do if he’s in pain again?”

“We’ll do what we did last time. Give him some pain meds. His lung is nearly healed and his broken arm, so that’s something. His other broken bones should heal too in time.”

“So you won’t have to put him back in a coma? Cos I don’t think I can take much more of this waiting.”

“No, he won’t be in a coma or being sedated. The only time you’ll have to wait is if he needs stronger painkillers, making him feel a little drowsy and when he sleeps, which he’ll need lots of! So don’t go talking at him all day.” She smiled. 

Ben shook his head vigorously, looking serious. 

“I won’t. Sleep and rest. Got it.”

Holly smiled at him, as he sat holding Callum’s hand. 

“Your devoted, I’ll give you that.”

“I just want him to get better quicker, so he can come home.”

“He will do soon, this is the start of his recovery Ben, try not to worry.”

“I always worry.” He smiled. 

She turned to leave opening the door. 

“Oo, you haven’t seen Cas around have you?” He asked. 

“Cas?”

“Oh, Luke. I haven’t seen since...” Ben frowned to himself, course Holly didn’t know he walked out on him. “Since the other day.” He finished. 

“Erm, not that I know of? Everything okay?”

“Err, yeah, just wondering if he’d been in or not.” He told her, frowning to himself. 

“Sorry.” 

Ben was asleep, lying on Callum’s side, gripping onto his hand when Kathy came to visit. She threw a blanket she found on the side over him, sitting down next to them both. Holly had kept a pillow and a blanket there, knowing Ben hardly ever went home. 

“Should have woke me Mum, don’t want you sitting here on your own.” Ben stretched his neck, aching slightly from lying there. 

“I’m not gonna wake you, love. You need your sleep.”

“How long you been sitting there on your own?”

“Only about half hour, you were already asleep when I came in. I’m fine, Ben, don’t worry about me. Has the DI still not found anything then?”

“Nothing apparently. Since that guy came forward, after that not much.”

“I’m surprised your not on the warpath, tryna find out who did this or who it is??”

Kathy searched Ben, but he was too busy watching Callum. Tubbs still hadn’t got back to him in his search. 

“Nick said he’s got it covered, so...” He said instead, looking at Kathy. 

“I’m just glad your not trying anything stupid.”

“Nope.” Ben finishes quickly. 

“Cos Callum’s your priority now.” She said, squinting at him. 

“I know, Mum! Stop worrying, I’m not doing anything!” Tubbs is, he thought. 

“Good, just checking.”

“Check all you want, ask Holly even, I’ve literally been here all day, everyday.”

“I know! Just don’t want you going doing anything stupid of Callum needs you. He’ll need you more than ever when he wakes up and I don’t reckon you’ll be much help taken away from him, in a prison cell somewhere cos you’ve murdered someone or something. 

“I’m not going to be taken away from him, Mum. My hands are clean...”

“Hmm, well, I know what your like, hell bent on revenge.”

“Stop stressin’ Mum. I’m staying right here. And I’m not gonna kill anyone.” 

“Good. He can stay with us if you want. If he wants to though, when he’s allowed home.”

“Isn’t it a bit crowded round at yours, for him?”

“I can just kick everyone out in the day? I know you’ll want to be with him, all the time, so isn’t it best if he moves in with us?”

“It’s like a hotel most days, people coming and goin’, he’ll need rest and PEACE, don’t think he’s gonna get much of that there.”

“Well what you thinkin’ then?”

“Erm, I was thinking about it the other day and I think maybe, if Cal wants me too, I was gonna move in with him instead?”

“You move in with him at his flat?”

“Yeah, why? What’s wrong with that?”

“Won’t you need people around you to help?”

“I’ll be fine, Mum. Surely Callum will feel better in familiar surroundings? Besides, I’m sure Stuart will want to help. I know me and Stuart haven’t always got on, but we both want Callum to be okay. But I’m fine on my own, anyway.”

Kathy still looked unsure. 

“Come on, Mum, it’s not like I’m moving to Timbuktu is it? We’ll both be across the street.”

“Just don’t want you to not be coping, it’s gonna be hard for both of you.”

“I know that and I want to help. If Callum says I can, I’m movin’ in. If not, we’ll work something out when we come to it.”

Kathy nodded slowly. 

“Thank you, I’m not doin’ anything yet anyway. He needs to wake up and start getting better before they’ll let him home.”

“You sure about this? Your gonna be looking after him all the time?” 

Kathy was still concerned if Callum did have brain damage, how Ben would cope. 

“Yes Mum! I love him and I want to do it. I don’t care how long it takes or whatever he needs cos I’ll do it for him. I’ve already said I’d do anything for him and I will. All I want is him to come home, where he belongs.”

Kathy smiled at him, as he sat holding Callum’s hand, watching him. 

“I am proud of you, you know.”

Ben looked away from Callum to Kathy. “What for?”

“What do you mean, what for?!” She laughed. “Everything. I’m proud of the man you’ve become. I know you don’t feel it sometimes but your stronger than you think. I’m glad that you’ve got Callum now, cos you make each other better, you belong together.” 

Ben smiled at Kathy, his eyes shining with unshed tears. 

“Don’t cry! Come ‘ere.” Kathy wrapped her arms around Ben stroking his hair. “I’ll always be proud of you. You have good heart and you love Callum so much that you’d do anything for him to make him happy.”

“Thank you.” He whispered. 

“You’ll do an amazing job, looking after him, he’s lucky to have you.”

“I just need him to wake up...”

“He will. And they’ll still be all of us to help you if you need it. We all love you. Whatever you need, we’re here for you both. He’ll wake up soon, I’m sure of it.”


	28. Chapter 28

Ben had sat beside Callum for days after Holly told him that he may wake up soon. He’d hardly gone home, instead watching him and keeping his hand in Callum’s incase he moved. 

Jay had kept him company, still trying to make him go home. 

“Come on, Ben. It could be another few days before he wakes up, you can’t just stay here all the time.”

“Yes I can, Jay, cos when he wakes up, I’m gonna be here.”

“Your not gonna listen whatever I say are you?”

“Nope.”

Ben looked down when Callum moved his hand slightly. 

“It’s definitely not me this time!”

“Ben, you’ve been saying he’s been moving his hand all day, and every time I look, nothing happens, stop stressin’. He’ll wake up when he’s ready.”

“Jay! Just look, okay?! I swear he did this time.”

Jay rolled his eyes, but looked anyway, looking straight back up at Ben, wide eyed. 

“See? What did I say?”

Callum moved his hand slightly, as Ben looked up at him. 

“Jay, look...” He whispered to him urgently. 

Jay looked up at Callum, watching as his eyes flickered slightly, standing up slowly. “I’ll go get Holly.”  
He disappeared, leaving Ben with Callum. 

“Cal?” He whispered. “Don’t know if you can hear me yet, but I’m here, darlin’. I’m right here.”

He sat watching Callum for a while, slowly closing his fingers around Ben’s hand. Ben looked down at their hands, smiling to himself. He’d wanted Callum to do that for a while, just to properly hold his hand. He stroked his thumb across Callum’s hand, watching as Callum squeezed his hand lightly every so often. 

Ben looked up as Holly and Jay walked back in. 

“Is he waking up?” He asked before she’d even got through the door. She checked Callum over, nodding to herself. 

“He won’t just wake up suddenly, but he is becoming more aware of his surroundings.”

“When?!”

“It will take a few days for him wake up fully, so don’t panic when he starts to gain consciousness and doesn’t talk to you straight away. I know you want to speak to him but he’s going to be very confused when he wakes up, so try not to distress him.”

“What?! Why would I make him distressed?!”

“I didn’t mean deliberately. I know you’ll want to know how he is, what state he’ll be in and to talk to him, but he may get stressed out if you try and get him to talk to you. When people wake up from comas, it takes a while for their brain to fully engage that they’ve finally woken up. He may find it difficult to stay awake or form words for the first days. Just let him adjust first.”

Ben nodded, looking down as Callum twitched his fingers slightly on Ben’s hand. He smiled up at Callum as he slowly moved his fingers along Ben’s hand, like he was stroking him, even though he wasn’t fully aware or probably sure of what he was doing, like his subconscious was still trying to soothe Ben.

“When will you be able to know what he’ll be like?”

“When he’s awake fully and more aware. We can see what state he will be in and what amount of brain damage there will be. It will take a few days for him to wake up properly and for his brain to readjust. He’ll be a bit out of it, so don’t panic if he’s not making a lot of sense.”

Ben looked back at Callum, letting out small sigh. He’d gone still again, breathing gently, his hand becoming loose again in Ben’s hand.

He knew Callum wasn’t just going to wake up and everything would be fine, but Ben still wished that he would do anyway. 

“Callum will keep doing this for a while, it’s just his body starting to become more aware of his surroundings, he’ll slowly gain full consciousness over the next few days. It’ll be like he’s learning about himself again.”

“Learning? So he’s forgotten everything?”

“Not everything, no. People wake from coma in various stages. Like when he finally started breathing for himself and now he’s slowly waking up. He’ll ‘learn’ to be in touch with his cognitive functions again. Memory, language, his behaviour and different mental skills.”

“So he’s forgotten all that? What are the chances of him remembering me if he can’t remember how to speak?!”

“He may not have forgotten you, Ben. His body has been through a lot in the past few weeks. He’ll be physically and emotionally exhausted, his body and his brain will be exhausted. It will take a couple of days for him to be able to speak you. Try not to worry too much. Most of this will all come back to him, it’s more a case of him, jogging his memory and releasing that he does know how to do certain things.”

Ben nodded, Holly offering him a sympathetic smile. 

“It might just be the case they some things he may find difficult to remember. Some of these may only be short term.”

“I sure hope so...”

“Hang in there, eh? I know it’s a lot to process, but Callum is finally waking up. You’ve been waiting for this a while, Ben. You know it’s happening now. I know he may still have complications, but you need to try and stay positive, yeah?”

Ben nodded slowly, still scanning Callum’s face. 

“If you need me, just come and find me, I shouldn’t be too far.”

“He’s gonna get through this, Ben, whatever happens...” Jay squeezed his shoulder trying to reassure him. 

“He’s forgotten everything though...”

“He hasn’t forgotten it, Holly said it will all start coming back to him when he fully conscious.”

“I’m scared, Jay...”

“I know.” He wrapped his arm around Ben, leaning into Jay slightly. “You know if you ever need anything or Callum, you’ve both got all of us. Just remember that, there’s a lot of people who will want to help.”

“I just wanted him to wake up and now he is, I’m scared of what he’s gonna be like. He could be a completely different person.”

“But you’d love him anyway, cos you do and you’ll stick by him, won’t you?”

“Course I will.”

“Well then, you’ll get through it. Together. We’ll cross those bridges when we come to them.”


	29. Chapter 29

Callum had started to become more conscious over the next few days, moving a lot more, even briefly opening his eyes for a few seconds before fluttering them shut again. 

“Do you think he knows I’m here?”

Lola smiled at him, as he held onto Callum’s hand. 

“Maybe he does.”

“I don’t know. It’s just every time he gains consciousness, he holds my hand a little tighter.”

“And he will get stronger. You just need to be patient.”

“He actually opened his eyes this morning for the first time. Very briefly, but he still did.”

“Did he recognise you?”

“He didn’t really look at me. He sort of just opened then shut them again. He still held onto my hand though.”

“That’s good isn’t it?”

“According to Holly. She said he’s getting there quite quickly actually.”

“So he’ll be awake properly soon?”

“I think so. Then the doctors will know more about everything else. How’s Lex, anyway? Feel like I haven’t seen her for ages.”

“She’s alright, she doesn’t really know what’s happening anyway. She misses you though, wants to know why you haven’t been visiting her.”

Ben sighed to himself. “She probably hates me.”

“Why would you think that? Course she doesn’t!”

“Cos I’m not being there for her.”

“She knows your with Callum. I told her exactly what you said. He’s had a fall and your looking after him. She just misses you, Ben, she doesn’t hate you!”

“I’ll go see her soon. Tell her I love her though won’t you?”

“Course I will. She already knows anyway. Besides, you know she’ll keep trying to help when Callum comes home. I’ll have to distract her.”

“No, it’s alright. Bet Callum would want to see her anyway. She’s not gonna do any harm.”

“Well, apart from if she jumps on him with his injuries.” 

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t.”

“Hmm, you know what she’s like when she excited.” Lola smiled. 

“I’ll get him settled first though.”

“Bet you’ll be relieved when he comes home.”

“Yeah, it’ll be easier but he’s not even woke up properly yet, it’s gonna be a while until he’ll be able to go home.”

Ben looked back at Callum as he whined ever so slightly. He probably wouldn’t have heard it if him and Lola had carried on talking.

“He’s never done that before...” Ben whispered to her. 

“Should I go get Holly?” She whispered back, both watching Callum. 

“I don’t know. He’s been moving most of the morning, but I didn’t see the point in getting her every five minutes.” Ben didn’t even realise he was still whispering, scared of freaking Callum out. 

Callum flickered his eyes open slightly, letting out small moan and squeezing them shut again. 

“Maybe I should get someone.” Lola looked at Ben for a response, but he ignored her, too busy scanning Callum’s face. 

He looked round at Lola, but she’d already gone. 

“Cal? Are you hurting? I wish I could do something.”

Callum closed his fingers around Ben’s hands, squeezing them slightly. 

“I’m right here, Cal. I’m always gonna be here.”

Ben held both his hands over Callum’s, trying to offer some comfort if he couldn’t do anything else. 

“I love you.” He whispered, pressing a light kiss to Callum’s hand before holding it back down in both of his hands. 

He looked back at Callum letting out another small moan. 

“Holly will be here soon, she’ll take a look at you, see if your alright.” 

On cue, Holly and Lola walked in.

“Is he okay? He keeps moaning to himself.”

“He’s probably just confused. I doubt he’s in any pain this soon, he’s not even woken up fully yet so don’t worry about that.”

“He opened his eyes briefly again, just, but just closed them again a second later.”

“He will do that. He’s still not fully aware yet so he’ll probably not make much sense when he does wake up. So don’t panic.”

Ben sat with Callum all day since Holly left, never dare looking away in case he opened his eyes again.

“Lo...” 

They both looked back at Callum as he slowly opened his eyes again, blinking against the light a few times. He did look a bit out of it, his eyes trying to shut themselves again. 

Ben looked back at Lola, making sure she saw it too. 

Callum shut his eyes again, his eyelashes resting on his face for a few seconds before reluctantly half opening them again, squeezing Ben’s hand tightly again, groaning softly. 

“Shh.” Ben stroked his thumb across Callum’s hand, trying to soothe him. “Shsh, it’s alright. Your okay. I’m right here, Cal.”

Callum attempted you move his head, moaning slightly. 

“Don’t do that, if it hurts!” Ben stood up next to him quickly, still holding his hand. 

Callum shook his head ever so slightly, trying to keep his eyes open. 

“It doesn’t hurt? You can keep your eyes shut if you want.” Ben smiled at him, as he tried to keep his eyes open but they kept fluttering shut again. 

“I don’t know what to do, Lo. I don’t know if he’s hurting or not or he needs something or-“

“I know you do, but he needs to do this in his own time. Holly said he’s going to be confused so he won’t be making a lot of sense. I know you want to do something but you can’t. Just being here will help him.”

Ben nodded slowly, as Callum opened his eyes again, managing to keep them open this time. 

Ben felt like he stopped breathing for a second when Callum finally realised someone was standing next to him and finally looked at him. He had waited for so long just see Callum’s eyes again. 

Callum pulled his hand away from his quickly, searching Ben, his eyes frantically flicking over Ben’s face. Callum frowned slightly his breathing become heavier looking over Ben. 

“Cal? What’s wrong?” 

Callum shook his head at Ben again, looking back at Ben for what felt like a lifetime, none of his usual brightness or sparkle in them, his breathing becoming faster. He frowned at Ben, keeping his hand close to himself, trying to keep his eyes open looking at Ben, instead they grew heavy again as he let them close this time.

Ben looked at Lola, before slumping back down in the chair staring at Callum’s hand lying open again next to him, his breathing becoming slower again. 

“He... just looked straight through me, Lo...”

Lola looked at Ben, shaking in the chair. 

“He hasn’t done anything yet!”

“He looked at me like he didn’t have a clue who I was...” He whispered. “He didn’t know...”

“Ben...”

“Didn’t know me...”


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope people are still liking this, you’ll have to let me know otherwise?? 
> 
> But don’t panic people, I know you all get worried about Callum! 
> 
> I’m excited to release some of my chapters I’ve written for future chapters. Got to post these first few first though! 😏
> 
> Don’t hesitate to let me know your thoughts and theories too! I love reading what some people might think will happen! 
> 
> X

“Ben, come on, what did Holly say?! He’s going to be confused!” Lola tried to get Ben to look at her, still ignoring her. 

Ben wasn’t listening too busy shaking, struggling to breathe as he frantically looked over Callum. 

Lola disappeared, quickly returning with Holly. 

“He’s not listening to me! Look, he’s shaking and stopped hearing me!”

Holly sat down next to Ben, lightly touching his shoulder, making him jump. “Ben? Just breathe. Can you tell me what’s happened?”

“He... doesn’t... know me.” Ben looked at Holly nodding to her. “He’s forgotten me hasn’t he?” He looked back at Callum, trying to calm down. 

“Ben! Look at me, yeah? Just look at me.” 

Ben reluctantly tore his gaze away from Callum looking back at Holly. 

“He’s not even fully woken up yet. If he’s drifting in and out of consciousness he’s bound to be disorientated.”

“He just looked... scared of me. They didn’t shine like they used to...” 

“I very much doubt he’s scared of you and he’s bound to be drained and exhausted. He may not have forgotten you, Ben. I told you his brain is remembering parts of himself again and that includes his memory. He can’t just wake up suddenly from a coma. He’ll need to learn again.”

“But...”

“But he’s confused! Even I can’t tell if he’s forgotten you just from him looking at you. He needs to be awake properly for us to assess that.”

“So there’s still a chance he won’t have forgot me?” 

“He may not have forgotten you, Ben.”

Ben looked back at Callum, finally letting himself breathe. He felt like he hadn’t been breathing since Callum looked at him. 

“He’s starting to wake up from being in a coma for five weeks, he’ll be very disorientated and muddled. Your just the first person he saw, it’s already been a hard six weeks for him with him being sedated too for the first week. His brain will need to progress everything that has happened and it’s still going to be hard for him when he wakes up.”

“I know that, he just looked at me for ages like he was trying his hardest to remember but then he just closed his eyes again.”

“Maybe he was trying to remember. It’s going to take time, Ben. It’s only been a few days since he started waking up and he only opened his eyes for the first time this morning. Just let him work things out on his own before you start giving yourself a panic attack.”

Ben nodded slowly looking back at Callum. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.”

“Don’t apologise for worrying about Callum, you just need to be patient and wait until he wakes up properly, yeah?”

“I can’t lose him...”

“Your not going to, Ben.”

“I meant if he’s a completely different person or his does have lasting brain damage.”

“But you still wouldn’t have lost him would you? He’s still here and he’s starting to wake up, so try not to panic. You never know he might wake up and ask for you again like he did when he was sedated.”

“Maybe...”

“I know you won’t listen, but try not to worry. He’s going to be even more distressed if everyone around him is too.”

“You mean me?” He smiled. 

“It will be more stressful for him though if your working yourself up. You just need to see how he is when he wakes up properly before you start panicking. Just let me know when he starts waking up again. He might wake up fully next time, then we’ll see what’s going on, okay?” 

Ben nodded slowly, taking Callum’s hand is his again resting his head on his arm, hoping and praying that Callum wouldn’t forget him.


	31. Chapter 31

Callum didn’t wake up again for the next few hours. It was so silent in the room. Callum didn’t need the heart monitor anymore, so it was quiet with only the slight sounds when he moved and Ben sitting next to him. 

Stuart was supposed to be visiting later. Ben preferred it to be quiet anyway. Even though he knew Callum was going to be okay, it made him feel better hearing Callum’s breathing, taking slow, deep breaths. He looked more like he was sleeping now instead of being unresponsive like he was before. 

Callum still moved every so often, changing positions but not letting go of his hand. Ben smiled at Callum as he turned his head to face him, letting out a long sigh, hooking his fingers further around Ben’s hand. He still lay on his back because of his broken arm and leg, more broken ribs, making it difficult to fully face Ben on his side. 

Ben looked up expecting Stuart, but it was Luke walking in slowly. 

“Cas! Why have you been ignoring me?! I’ve texted you like a hundred times! Rang you ‘bout fifty times!”

Luke sat down slowly next to him, not answering him.

“Hello? I am here, you know?” Ben frowned at Luke, staring at his lap. 

“I know...”

“Why are you even here, if your gonna ignore me? In fact, I’m not doing this here, Cal might wake up again. And I don’t want him hearing us, stressin’ him out.” 

He prised his hand away from Callum’s gently, standing up and opening the door. 

Luke looked up at him quickly. “He woke up?”

“Yeah, why? This morning. He’s not woke up fully yet though.” 

Luke followed him outside, sitting down next to Ben. 

“Just wondering...”

“What’s wrong with you?! You act all weird, walk out with no explanation, ignore me for days then swan in here like everything’s normal? Well, I say normal, your still blanking me?!”

“I’m not...”

“Talk to me then? Tell me what’s wrong!”

“Nothings wrong...”

“Well, why are you being so weird then?”

“I’m not! I dropped my phone and broke it. I’ve been busy too. How am I supposed to text you when it’s broken! Why are you grilling me?!”

“Alright?! I was only asking. I’m not grilling you. I was just worried about you, Cas.”

“I’m fine.” He still wouldn’t look at Ben. 

“You don’t look fine, you look tired. Are you sure your okay?”

“Why you being so nice to me? Why do you even care?” Luke looked up at Ben searching his eyes. 

“Cos your my friend and your don’t look okay to me. Is it Alex again, cos if he’s making you unhappy, just leave.”

“No, course not. Me and Alex are fine now. It’s all good between us.”

“That’s good isn’t it? Why would I not care anyway?”

“Cos I... Doesn’t matter.” He looked away from Ben back to his lap. “Dunno, not many people do care that’s all.” He said instead. 

“What was that about the other day then? Walking out, what can’t you do?”

“Can’t do?”

“Yeah? You said you can’t do this then walked out?”

“Did I?”

“Yes!”

Ben looked at Luke, but he just looked away refusing to answer him. 

“How’s Callum anyway?”

Ben sighed knowing he wasn’t going to get an answer. 

“Holly seems to think he’s doing well. He’ll probably wake up properly next time.”

“That’s good. Bet he’ll be up and about before you know it.” 

“He’s still got a long way to go, but he’s getting there.”

Luke nodded, following Ben back inside. 

“You can talk to me, you know.” Ben looked at Luke, still quiet. 

“About?”

“Anything. I mean if you can’t talk to Alex.”

“I can talk to him. I’m okay, honestly, don’t worry.”

Ben searched Luke for a second longer, looking up when Stuart walked in. 

“Alright?” He asked Stuart as he sat on the opposite side to Ben, next to Callum. 

“Yeah, you?”

“I’m okay. Erm, Luke, Stuart. Cal’s brother. Stu, Luke. My friend.” He made the quick introductions. 

“How’s Callum?” He asked. 

“He woke up this morning. Holly said he’s making good progress, so he should wake up fully soon.”

Stuart nodded looking over at Ben as he looked at Callum. 

“What is it?” Stuart asked noticing Ben’s gaze. Callum’s head was facing Ben so didn’t know if he was waking or not. 

Ben ignored him as Callum moved his hand in Ben’s, opening his eyes again slowly. He didn’t look at him at first, instead squeezing Ben’s hand slightly, realising he was holding it. It seemed to take him a while to process that he was holding someone’s hand, looking up, slowly meeting Ben’s gaze.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum’s awake!! Yay! 😁
> 
> Hope everyone is satisfied with the way I wrote it! I’ve tried to do this justice cos you’ve been waiting for awhile, I’m excited to release my next few too! It was longer but I decided to split it into two or it would have been way too long.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think about it!! XX 😊

Ben felt his breathing hitch slightly when Callum finally looked at him. He didn’t look so out of it this time, like he’d woke up from sleeping instead of his coma. 

He looked at Ben for a while confusion written on his face, trying to process it. Callum’s eyes flicked over his face like he was trying to work out who Ben was. 

He felt like he wasn’t breathing, thought Callum was going to panic again when he didn’t realise who Ben was. Callum took his fingers from around Ben’s hand slowly. He looked down, his heart sinking when Callum didn’t know who he was. 

But instead, Callum slid his own fingers down his palm, keeping Ben’s hand open, hooking them tighter around Ben’s instead, so they were holding their hands together in a fist, intertwining their fingers. 

Ben looked back up at Callum, offering him a small weak smile, squeezing his hand slightly. 

“Hey you.” He whispered softly, finally letting himself breathe, smiling back at Callum. 

Callum only managed to hum a reply, still looking at Ben, his eyes looking heavy, trying to keep himself awake. 

“Could you go find Holly?” He aimed at Stuart. 

“I’ll go!” Luke shot out his chair, disappearing. 

“Your probably so confused right now. Holly will be here soon.” 

Callum frowned at Ben. “Oh, Holly, she’s your nurse. You have met her? She’ll be able to explain it better than I can.” 

Callum didn’t say anything, his eyes flicking over Ben, taking all of him in, still holding his hand. 

“Your not hurting too much are you?” 

Callum shook his head slowly still not looking away from Ben. 

“That’s good...” 

“You...” Callum let out a long breath, closing his eyes. Ben frowned at him, already worried about him. It looked like he was using all his energy just to try and speak. 

“It’s okay...” He soothed. “Your alright. Holly said your gonna be a bit disorientated, so don’t worry about anything, cos your gonna be okay. You don’t have to speak if it feels weird.”

“Does... abit...” He breathed out. 

Ben smiled at him, stroking his thumb across Callum’s hand. “Don’t speak then. She said it’ll feel weird, but you should be okay soon.”

Callum squeezed Ben’s hand in his instead, smiling gratefully. 

“Do you actually remember...” Leaving the ‘me’ out. He watched Callum still looking him over like he was trying to work something out. 

Callum nodded slowly, knowing what Ben was asking, looking back up at his eyes, as Ben stroked his thumb across Callum’s hand trying to reassure him. 

Callum smiled up at Ben as he grinned at him, relieved Callum knew who he was, sending a silent thank you to whoever let Callum remember him. 

“I’ve missed you... So much.” He stroked down the side of Callum’s face slowly, with his other hand, willing himself not to cry and stress Callum out. He was probably still confused and not sure what was going on. 

“It’s so good to look at you properly. I feel like I haven’t seen you for ages, even though I’ve been here everyday.”

He felt like he could cope with whatever happened from now on, as long as Callum remembered him. 

“I just missed you so much.” He said again. “Erm, Stuart’s here too.” He nodded to Stuart, wiping his eyes quickly when Callum looked the other way, slightly overwhelmed. 

“Yeah, I’ve been visiting all the time. I missed you too. Not the same without you waking us all up in the morning with the smells of you cooking breakfast. I’ve been missing your bacon. Seems Ben knows his stuff too, he could become a doctor after this.”

“Yeah, well, most of it didn’t sink in at first, cos I was too busy going out of mind, freaking out about you. But I can remember most of it. I just want you to get better and come home.” 

They all looked towards the door, when Holly walked in.

“I’m gonna get a move on.” Luke said from the door to Ben. “Leave you to it.”

He nodded his head at Ben, letting him know he could do this, still trying offer his support. ”Stay strong for him, yeah?”

Callum didn’t even notice Luke was there, closing his eyes, concentrating on his breathing, body beginning to realise he had injuries, starting to ache and really feel them all.

Ben nodded to Luke, waiting for Holly to tell them how Callum was.


	33. Chapter 33

Holly sat down next to Ben, smiling at Callum. 

“Hiya, Callum. I’m Holly, I’ve been looking after you. We have met already. Your probably tired already and confused so I’ll keep it brief, explain properly later. Do you want to sit up? You can, but we need to be extra careful of your ribs though.”

She placed the pillow Ben had used behind his head, helping him sit up, being mindful of his ribs. Callum dropped Ben’s hand holding his side anyway. 

“Are you okay?!” Ben asked, seeing the pain cross his face. 

“Mm.” Callum nodded but squeezed his eyes shut anyway.

“I’ll give him some painkillers in a minute.” Holly told Ben. 

“I’m sorry, Callum, but it is going to be sore. You broke a lot of your ribs. Being in a coma has slowed the whole healing process down but you should start to heal a lot faster from now on. Don’t move your head too much either that’s still healing but it should be okay. Your very lucky you didn’t break your neck, or damage your spine, from the way you landed.”

Callum looked worriedly at Ben not even sure what she was on about, seeking some kind of protection from Ben. 

“You don’t know what happened do you?” Ben asked. He could tell from the blank, terrified look on Callum, searching Ben’s face. 

“Do you know what happened?” She asked. 

Callum shook his head, looking at Ben, like he had all the answers and would help him. 

“No.” He whined, breathing heavily. 

“Hey, it’s alright, don’t panic. Your okay.” Ben took Callum’s hand in both of his again stroking both his thumbs across Callum’s hand. 

“You were in an accident, Callum. Someone hit you.” Stuart told him. 

Callum shook his head again, tightening his grip in Ben’s hand, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Your scaring him! Your not helping Stuart!” Ben hissed. Callum held onto Ben’s hand even tighter. “Cal? Cal, look at me.” He said softly to him. 

“Do you need to tell him all that now?” Stuart said instead realising Callum was panicking, struggling to breathe. 

“We can tell you that another day, I bet your exhausted already.” She said to Callum. 

“I’ll just tell him the medical stuff.” She added to Ben. He ignored her trying to get Callum to listen. 

“I know you don’t know what happened but don’t worry about it right now, okay? All you need to concentrate on, is getting yourself better. Just breathe for me, yeah?”

“Ben’s right, Callum, you’ll need a lot of rest. Do you want me to tell you all this later, I can come back when you’ve slept a bit.”

“No...” He managed, still breathing heavily. “Tell me.”

“Cal, I think you should know all this later...” Ben tried to tell him. 

Callum shook his head, looking at Holly, waiting for her to tell him. 

“Please don’t tell him what happened now, he’s already freaking out.” Ben pleaded. 

“I’ll just stick to his injuries.” She told him. “Well, you’ve broken your arm and your leg. Those are minor so will start to heal faster now you’ve woken up. You also have multiple broken ribs and a damaged lung. Those are probably going to feel the most painful right now, but I’ll give you some more painkillers for it all, so you won’t feel it as much. It will take a bit longer for those to heal, before you can go home.”

Ben could feel Callum’s grip getting tighter around his hand, as Holly told him everything else. 

“You also fractured your neck, your very lucky to not have broken it. But it should be okay, if you don’t move too fast and crack it again. It’s best if you try not to move so much, so it can heal properly.”

“Is that everything?” Ben asked for Callum. He already knew all this but Callum was too busy struggling to breathe to ask. 

“We’ll do some more tests too, to see what you can and can’t remember, it may just be the accident that you can’t remember. Many people have a blank just before the accident. It’s a lot to take in, so I’ll give you some more painkillers and think you should rest and try not to stress yourself out. I know you may not want to sleep because you’ve just woken up, but try to soon, it will help you a lot.”

“Thank you.” Ben told her when she’d given Callum more of his meds and she’d finished explaining it all to him. 

“I’ve given him some stronger painkillers now he’s woken up but they shouldn’t make him too drowsy. He will still be very tired though, so keep encouraging him to sleep. After we’ve done some more tests regarding lasting damage, we’ll know more.”

Ben nodded, as she left, looking back at Callum. He wasn’t really listening, he looked like he was in a trance. 

“I want...” He looked straight at Ben determined to find out. “To know...”

“I don’t think I should tell you know...”

Callum looked at Stuart instead, determined to find out what happened from someone. 

“I sort of know what happened but it’s best coming from Ben. I wasn’t there.” 

“You were there...”

Ben nodded, holding Callum’s hand a little tighter. 

“Fine.” He sighed. “I’m only telling you cos you won’t go to sleep otherwise. You NEED more rest.”

Callum nodded, still waiting for Ben to tell him.


	34. Chapter 34

“Please, Callum, just go to sleep.” He tried again.

“No! Just tell me what happened.”

Ben looked at Callum a second longer, sighing to himself, knowing Callum wasn’t going to give in. He was still stressed out from what Holly told him, Ben didn’t want to tell him all this yet, but he knew Callum wouldn’t rest until he did.

“Erm, we were walking in the rain, and I think the car lost control or something cos it came out of nowhere and hit you...”

“Then...”

“You... went over the top of the car into the road...”

Ben didn’t need to explain anymore, he could feel Callum’s hand shaking in his, already freaking out.

“I don’t know...” He whined. 

“I know, it’s okay.” Ben stood next to him pulling him towards him and wrapping his arms around him as Callum sobbed to himself. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you, your just working yourself up.”

“I can’t remember...” He moaned to himself. 

“I know darlin’. I know loads of people wake up and can’t remember the accident. I did for a bit when I got shot, I woke up and don’t have a clue what happened but it came back to me.” 

“Shot?!”

“Yeah? I got shot? ‘bout six months ago now. Do you not remember that?”

“No! I don’t know...” He whined. 

Ben held Callum to him, trying to calm him down. 

“It’s okay, don’t panic. It’s still early to tell anything yet, you’ve only just woken up so your bound to be confused. It’ll come back to you, I’m sure of it.”

He brushed Callum’s hair away from his eyes, kissing his hair, over and over, letting him cry into his chest, holding the side of his face and stroking his thumb across it slowly. 

“Ssh, ssh, your alright, everything’s gonna be okay. I’ve got you. Your gonna get through this.”

He rested his chin on top of Callum’s, trying to blink back his own tears but failing, as Callum sobbed into him. 

Stuart looked up at Ben, his tears slipping down his face, biting his bottom lip, trying to stop himself from sobbing too. He squeezed his eyes shut, still hushing Callum, rocking them both slightly as Callum’s sobs began to subside. 

It truly broke his heart to see Callum so upset, terrified because he couldn’t remember the accident, maybe some other stuff and Ben couldn’t do anything to get him to remember. 

He hastily wiped his eyes, sitting down instead, holding Callum’s hand in both of his, in between them, pressing a kiss to it. 

“We’re gonna get through this, whatever happens, okay? Your gonna get better and we’re going to go home where you belong.” He kissed his hand again. 

“But I can’t remember a thing.” He moaned, sniffing from crying.

“It’s probably temporary. I bet in a couple of days, it will all come back to you. Don’t worry, your going to fine.”

Callum nodded, his eyes still shining from his tears. Ben kissing his hand a third time. Ben smiled at him, trying to convince himself more than anyone. He held the side of Callum’s face, wiping away his tears.

“You’ve got so many people around you and we’re all gonna help you now and when you come home. And whatever you need I’m right here. You’ve got me, Stuart, Mick, Jay and Lola, even me Mum.”

“How long...”

“Since the accident?”

Callum nodded, expecting a few days, a week at most.

“Six weeks ago...”

“Six?!”

“Erm, you were sedated for the first week, don’t you remember waking up?”

“No...”

“Well, you did wake up after that first week, for a few hours but then...”

“What?!”

“You...” Ben dipped his head, looking at their hands instead, trying to hold himself together.

“You had a small set back...” Stuart finished for Ben, not wanting to tell Callum either. 

“Setback? What kind of setback?!”

“Erm, you may have flatlined...” 

“I what?! May have?? Stu??!!”

“You did...” 

“Nonono, that’s bad, that’s really bad, even I know that! That’s not a small setback. Your telling me I DIED Stuart!!”

Ben looked back up at Callum, holding his hand in between them trying to reassure him. 

“Your okay now, that’s all that matters. I’m gonna be here, right with you every step of the way.”

“What happened after... that.”

“Erm, they operated on you again, cos you had internal bleeding, due to complications with your lung, then they put you in a coma for five weeks.”

“That long...”

“You couldn’t breathe for a few weeks so they had to keep you in one. But you’ve pulled through, Cal, that’s all that matters, your still here with me.” 

Callum nodded slowly, trying to process it all. 

“Holly will probably explain all this to you properly later, I didn’t want her telling you and you stressin’ out. But you being you insisting I tell you now.”

“I needed to know...”

“I know, but please promise me you’ll get some rest. It’ll help you heal faster if you let your body rest. Your working yourself up over this, this is why I didn’t want to tell you in the first place.”

Callum nodded, lying back down on the pillow Holly gave him. He could smell Ben on it, making him feel a little better, as he closed his eyes. 

“I’m scared, Ben...” He whispered.

“You don’t have to be. Your going to get better, I know you will. And as for you remembering, just give it a couple of days and I’m sure it will all come back to you.”

“I hope so...”

“I’m gonna do everything to protect you and keep you safe from now on. I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to you ever again. I won’t let anyone or anything hurt you ever again.”

“Stay. I don’t want you to leave me.”

“I’ll never leave you. I’m not going anywhere. You just try and get some sleep, I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of Callum’s head, sitting back down next to him. 

Callum hooked his fingers back around Ben’s, holding on tight. He brushed his fingers through Callum’s hair, keeping it away from his eyes, stroking his hair, slowly getting sleepier from the feel of Ben’s finger through his hair. 

“I love you.” He whispered. 

Callum hummed to himself instead, already half asleep.


	35. Chapter 35

“How is he?” Whitney asked, sitting down next to Callum on the other side of the bed to Ben. 

“Erm, pain wise, it’s not as bad as it was when he first woke up after he was sedated but he’s still hurting quite a bit. He can’t remember the accident though. He got so worked up and panicked cos he couldn’t remember. He was so scared...”

“He’ll be okay, whatever happens. He’s got you hasn’t he?” She smiled. 

Ben smiled at her, looking back at Callum asleep. 

“Stuart told me he was a bit more... aware now. I thought I’d come and see him.” She told him. 

“Don’t think he really knew what what was happening when you visited him when he first woke up, he alright now though. My Mum’s already been to see him, Mick’s coming soon too. Told Stuart to go home, he’s been here with me all night. He looked tired so told him to go home.”

“You look tired too. You’ll be getting yourself ill if you don’t sleep too.”

“I don’t want to leave him. He’s hardly been to sleep all night. He nods off for about half an hour then wakes up again and doesn’t go back to sleep for hours. Think his injuries are hurting and a bit uncomfortable.”

“Do you know when he’ll be allowed home, I want to help too, when he does. Where’s he staying actually? Surely at Kathy’s?”

“I don’t know when he’ll be allowed home. Probably another couple of weeks. I don’t know what’s happening after either. I was gonna ask him if I could move in with him a bit but I’ve been thinking, he’ll be better off at my Mum’s for a bit. It’ll hurt him if he keeps trying to get up the stairs to the flat.”

“How long has he been asleep?”

“Only about ten minutes. Took him ages again.”

“Well, whatever he needs we all want to help him. And you.”

Ben smiled gratefully at her, making them both jump when Luke burst in. 

“Cas! He’s asleep! Be quiet!”

“I’m so sorry, I forgot he’d woken up.” 

“Hmm.” Ben frowned at him, stroking Callum’s hair gently, as he stirred opening his eyes slightly, frowning at Ben. 

“Sssh, your okay...” He whispered. 

He turned back to Luke glaring at him. 

“He needs rest you know!”

“I just said sorry!” He winced. 

“Sssh, your okay, go back to sleep.” He whispered, immediately softening his tone, trying to soothe him. Callum closed his eyes again, still half asleep anyway. “That’s it, you just get some rest.”

He held Callum’s hand, brushing his fingers through his hair with his other. 

“Sorry.” Luke said again. 

“It’s fine. I just want him to sleep, keep his energy up so he can get better. I don’t want him to be hurting anymore...”

“I’m sure he’s not anymore. Hasn’t Holly given him any more painkillers?”

“Yeah, she keeps doing, but I think he’s still hurting.”

“He doesn’t look like he’s hurting to me.”

“He whines in his sleep, Cas. Are you saying that’s not hurting? And at the best of times he can’t go to sleep anyway.” 

Ben looked at Whitney noticing her gaze at Luke. “Oh, right Whit, Luke. Luke, Whit.” He filled in. 

“Think you’ve met everyone else.” He added to Luke.

“Why don’t you go home for a bit?” Whitney suggested. “You look shattered. I can be here if he wakes up again.”

“No, no, I’m okay here. Promised him I’d be here when he wakes up.”

“You’ve hardly been home for weeks, Ben. You need sleep too, you know?”

“I know, but Callum asked me to stay. And I’m going to. I’m not gonna leave him.”

“When was the last time you saw Lexi? Bet she misses you?”

“Couple of days ago. Are you trying to blackmail me with my own daughter?” He smiled. 

“Maybe...”

“I’ll go see her soon, Cal needs me right now.”

“If you insist...”

“Yeah, I do. Cos I swore to Callum I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him ever again. And I’m going to find the person who did this and I’m gonna kill ‘em.”

Luke looked at Ben, a look of murder on his face, saying nothing. 

“Ben, Jay’s talked to you about this...” Whitney told him. 

“I know. ‘Don’t do anything stupid’ I’m not going to. Callum needs me right now but I will find them if it kills me.”

Ben hadn’t actually heard from Tubbs for a few weeks, reminding himself to check in on him later. 

“Come on, Ben. What would Callum say if he knew you were busy plotting revenge?!”

“He’s not gonna find out is he?” He glared at Whitney. “Besides he doesn’t know that it was a hit and run or anything about what happened. He can’t remember it. All he knows is he was in an accident, and got hit really, kept it brief to stop him stressin’. He was so scared... I just want to protect him...”

Ben knew he couldn’t lie to Callum if he asked about it anyway. 

“I know you do, but you can’t go round threatening to kill someone. Surely he’ll want to know who hit him? What you gonna say? They got out, apologised and all’s fine and dandy? When clearly it isn’t, cos you’ve got a face like thunder and your gonna end up killing someone if you don’t control yourself.”

“I can control myself thank you, and I’ll figure out what to say when I come up with something. I just don’t want him worrying anymore, okay?! It’s not like I’m asking that much, I just want him get better and come home! He won’t be able to sleep at all, if he finds out that that prick LEFT him!!”

“Yes, they did leave him, but you know damn well, Callum would do anything to stop you from doing something ridiculous!”

Ben ignored her, looking at Luke instead. 

“Your quiet, thought you’d be ganging up on me with Whit.” 

“Course not. But she’s right, you can’t go round killing people.”

“I’m not am I?”

“You will...”

“When I find ‘em maybe, but I keep saying I’m staying with Callum right now, people just aren’t listening.”

“I’m listening. And so is everyone else.”

“So you gonna help me find ‘em then?”

“Ben!” Whitney exclaimed. 

“What? No!” Luke frowned. 

“Why? You said your listening. And I need you to listen that I NEED to find who did this.”

“I AM listening to you, Ben, but I’m not gonna help you kill someone!”

“Argh, fine! I’ll find ‘em myself then!”

Ben looked at Callum as he shifted, opening his eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” Callum looked at Ben, searching his face. 

“Nothing darlin’. Don’t you worry about anything.”

“Thought I heard raised voices.”

“We’re okay, honestly, don’t worry. I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“Was half asleep anyway.”

“How you feeling?”

Luke looked from Ben to Callum noticing how different he was when he spoke to Callum. He was so angry minutes ago and as soon as Callum was awake and speaking to him, he was so soft and gentle with him. 

“I’m alright. Still hurts but nothing too extreme.”

“As long as your not hurting too much.”

“Think the painkillers are doing something, so that good.” He sat up slowly holding onto his side. 

“Okay?” Ben asked again. 

“Mm, just sore.”

“Holly came in when you were asleep, gave you some more painkillers, said she’d get the doctor to do those test thingys when you were awake again. Bet she’ll probably do it tomorrow now, it’s already late.”

“What’s the point? I can’t remember anything, she’ll only confirm that.”

“Hey, don’t be like that. It might not be as bad as you think. It might come back to you soon.” 

He took Callum’s hand in his own stroking his thumb slowly across it. 

“I just don’t see the point in telling me something I already know.”

“They wouldn’t do it, if it wasn’t important.” Whitney added. 

“Maybe...”

Callum looked up at Luke, frowning slightly, looking from Ben back to Luke. 

“Oh, this is Luke. Don’t worry, you’ve not forgotten him, you’ve never met him. Met him when I had a bit of a moment outside, about you.”

“I’m his personal counsellor.” Luke added. 

“Right?” Callum frowned. 

“I’ve heard a lot about you. Good things, don’t worry. Ben’s been driving himself crazy worrying about you.”

“You have?” Callum said to Ben. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say crazy.” He added with a glare at Luke, unnoticed by Callum. Luke knew how Ben had been these past few weeks, having a meltdown over Callum being stuck in hospital, not knowing whether he was going to pull through. Luke knew Ben didn’t want Callum knowing how much he drove himself crazy. He didn’t want Callum knowing just how worried he got, to stop Callum stressing about him. 

“But course I’m gonna be worried about you.”

Ben looked at Callum, still watching Luke, wary of him. 

“Erm, can you go find, Holly, Cas?” Getting rid of him discreetly for Callum. 

“Course.”

Callum still stared at the door when he left. 

“He won’t bite, you know.” Ben smiled. 

“I know. Just don’t know what to make of him.”

“He’s alright when you get used to him. All you need to do concentrate on, is getting yourself better and that means letting the doctor do whatever tests they need to.”

“I never said I wouldn’t let them.” He huffed, looking at his lap. 

“Once you’ve had these tests done and you’ve got better a bit more, you can go home.”

Callum smiled slightly looking at up at Ben. 

“I feel like I’ve not seen you smile for so long. I know I said before but I missed you so much.”

Callum smiled even wider, squeezing Ben’s hand in his. 

“Whatever happens, I’m here for you.” Ben told him. 

“We all are.” Whitney added. 

“Whatever you want or need, you’ve got it. Cos I’d do anything for you, if it makes you happy.”

“Just want to go home.”

“You can soon, but your obviously not ready to go home yet, Holly said your lung and ribs need heal a bit more first. We will get through this, Cal, whatever happens in the future. Together.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope this makes sense for you all! I’ve tried to explain it in detail. Just ask if your not too sure, I can explain!

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” The doctor had arrived not too long ago to do some tests, to see what Callum could remember. 

Callum nodded holding his hand out for Ben to take. 

“I’m sorry, Ben, but Callum needs to do this on his own. I know you both want to be here but you can’t.” The doctor told him. 

“Fine.” He huffed taking his hand back away from Callum. “I’ll be right outside if you need me.” He kissed the top of Callum’s head, going to sit outside, Jay following. 

“He won’t be that long, Ben, it’s only some tests.” Jay told him. 

“But he wanted me there, with him.”

“The doctor seems to think he’ll be able to answer them better without the pressure of people.”

“I’m not gonna pressure him!”

“I know that, but he might say something different if your sitting there.”

“What like?”

“I don’t know, he might tell her he can remember something that he doesn’t so he doesn’t upset you.”

“Suppose. I’m not gonna be upset, it’s not his fault he can’t remember is it?”

The waited for awhile, Ben noticing Jay keep glancing at him, not sure whether to speak. 

“Go on.” Ben told him. 

“Whitney talked to me yesterday...” He said tentatively. 

“I wonder what she said?” Ben rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what she told Jay. “I’ve said I’m not gonna do anything stupid. And I’m not, okay? How many times do I need to tell people that.” 

He rested his head against the wall, closing his eyes. 

“We’re just looking out for you, Ben.”

“I know.” He sighed. “I just feel like I can’t keep promising Cal, that everything’s going to be alright until I know who did this.”

“That’s what Nick’s for.”

“Nick? He’s hardly done anything! Cos there’s hardly any evidence so what’s he gonna do? Nothing...”

“I’m sure they’ll find something.”

“Won’t put it past ‘em. They’re probably not even looking anymore, I mean it’s been six, nearly seven weeks, and what do they know? It’s a black BMW, with a guy driving. That’s gonna lead nowhere.”

“But does it really matter though?...”

“Course it matters! That person tried to kill Callum!”

“But surely Callum matters more...”

“He does! I’m just fed up with people trying to stop me from doing something, I’m getting bored of people keep telling me the same thing.”

“Surly we can’t all be wrong?”

“I never said you were, it’s just annoying, people keep going on at me. Course Callum matters. That’s why I want to find the person.”

Before Jay could object again, the doctor came out of Callum’s room, sitting next to Ben. 

“Well?” Ben asked. 

“It appears Callum does have some form of memory loss. Which I’m sure we all suspected.”

“He’s forgotten everything hasn’t he?”

“It seems he can’t remember physical memories.”

“Like what?” 

“I mean, like memories he’s actually lived. Things he’s done in the past. His history.”

“So he can’t remember ever being with me? But he recognised me? How can he know who I am if he doesn’t ever remember being with me?”

“He can’t remember what happened when he got hit, but you already know that. He doesn’t know why he was with you. Well, he didn’t know if he was with you or not, only because you told him you were there. The part of his brain associated with communication knows he does know you, I think that’s why he still seeks you when he’s stressed or scared. He knows somewhere in his brain that your the closest person to him. He still cares about you, if that’s what your worried about. A lot. Think he needs you now to be honest. We’ve done some tests on him, asking a few simple questions to start with. Some people wouldn’t be able to tell us the answers if the brain damage was very serious but Callum was able to answer all of them.”

“What sort of questions?”

“They may seem simple to you, but some people don’t remember hardly anything. Some may not remember who they are, obviously Callum does. He clearly does have brain damage but I wouldn’t say he’s at the severe end of the scale because he knows who he is. But he doesn’t know hardly anything about himself.”

“How is that not severe? He probably can’t remember if he likes things or not?”

“Precisely, that’s mainly what it is, likes dislikes, habits, his routines. Say he liked a certain food or routine he probably won’t ever remember eating it or doing it, if he likes it or not.”

“Will he still like ‘em though? Or do his normal routines, if I show him? Or could he decide he doesn’t like it or want to do it anymore?”

“He will still like it or do them, but he just can’t physically remember ever liking, disliking or doing things in his brain. They will remain the same, but it’ll just feel new to him, even though it’s not to you. We’ve asked him some questions about what the date is, where some places are, when’s his birthday, what relationships he has with people. And he could do all that. He could tell me who you were, but he can’t can’t remember physically doing things. He can remember where he lives, but he can’t remember ever actually living there, if that makes sense. He can’t remember conversations or what he did at home.”

“So he knows what the flat looks like but not everything else? Like where he’s put stuff or things he’s done?”

“Pretty much. Have you ever taken him out somewhere for the day? Away from home maybe? A day trip.”

“Err, he came to the beach with me and Lex, my daughter, one day?”

“Well it’s things like that, that he won’t remember. If you tell him the place you went to, say Southend. He’d be able to tell you where that is, but if you told him you’d been there with him, he’d never remember going.”

“Can you do something to get his memories back?”

“I’m afraid there is no official treatment for amnesia or memory loss. We would suggest cognitive therapy but that’s only used for if he doesn’t know anything, like who he was or who everyone else was.”

“So there’s nothing you can do?”

“I’m sorry, Ben. It may take more time for his memories to come back to him or something may trigger it, bringing them back. It’s difficult to know what exactly helps people remember. What the triggers are, they’re different for everyone.”

“He might not ever remember?”

“Possibly. A lot of people do eventually, some don’t ever get their memories back, but it’s going to take time.” 

“I know... Can I just show him stuff to help?”

“That would help yes, you never know one thing might trigger all of his other memories. Just try not to overwhelm him with too many things at once.”

“No, I won’t. He just needs to concentrate on getting his injuries better first.”

“He’s lucky to have you.” She smiled. 

“Not as lucky as I am to have him. I know Callum didn’t want to do the tests. How was he?”

“He did get a little stressed and panicked cos he can’t remember things, but I think he just wants you. I know your here anyway, but I’d suggest to anyone that you were here with him, you can keep him calm, and less stressed. Think he feels safe with you around. That’s exactly what he needs right now.” 

“I’ll go see him now.”

“Just keep reassuring him, encouraging him not to worry too much. Let him know that your there for him, I know you are but I think he just needs to hear it.”

“Thank you. For all this.”

“It’s what I’m here for.” She smiled. “Let me know if he want anything else explaining.”

“Will do, think I understand it all anyway. Do you know when he’ll be able to come home, though?”

“I reckon a couple of weeks at most. His lung needs to heal a bit more and his ribs, but his arm is doing well, will probably take his cast off just before he goes home. Don’t worry too much, he’s getting there slowly with his physical injuries.”

Ben nodded, thanking her again, going to see Callum.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, I haven’t updated for so long, I’ve been writing like a thousand different things!
> 
> You can always go back if you’ve all forgotten!!

Callum wiped his eyes as Ben opened the door slowly, forcing himself to smile at Ben. 

“You don’t need to do that.” Ben told him. 

“Do what?” Sniffing anyway. 

“Pretend your okay when your not. Your cheeks are still wet. I know you’ve been crying. It’s okay to be upset. Come ‘ere.” Ben walked over to Callum, wrapping his arms around him, Callum letting his tears fall, sobbing into Ben. 

“I’m so sorry, Ben!”

“Hey! Don’t be sorry! You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.”

“But I’ve forgotten everything!” He whined. 

“Not everything. You don’t need to be sorry about that, it’s not your fault, none of this is your fault, you hear me? None of it.”

“You probably hate me cos I can’t remember stuff about us.”

“I do not hate you, Cal! I could never hate you! You might not remember but I’m gonna help you, okay?” Ben sat back down holding Callum’s face in his hands, wiping his tears away with his thumbs. “We can do this together. I’ll show you loads of stuff, tell you anything you want to know.”

Callum nodded slowly, still sniffing slightly. 

“I won’t be surprised if you left. I’m a mess.”

“Your my mess, Cal. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Sure about that?” He smiled. 

“Never been more sure of anything in my life. You are my life Callum. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you and I hated myself when you were in a coma, cos I wished I’d have told you I love you sooner, more times even. I thought I’d lost you and you wouldn’t ever know that I did love you. But I DO, Callum.” He rested his forehead against Callum’s, closing his eyes. “I love you so much...” He whispered. 

“I know you do...”

Ben sat up still stroking his thumbs across Callum’s face slowly. 

“You don’t need to be sorry, okay? I’ve got you, that’s all I need. Whatever you want to know I’ll tell you, and I can show you too.” 

“The doctor told you most it?”

“Pretty much. I know, you know who I am, that’s all I wanted when you woke up, for you to remember me. We’ll figure out the rest when we get to it. I’m not going anywhere, Cal.”

“I can remember you and sort of being with you but I can’t remember ever doing stuff with you. I just feel so annoyed with myself, cos I’ve forgotten it all.”

“It’s not like you choose to forget is it? You can’t force yourself to remember something, it’s gonna take time.”

“She said it could take me a whole year to remember...”

“Then we’ll wait won’t we?”

“Or maybe never...”

“That’s not a definite either.” 

Ben held Callum’s hand in his, looking right at him. 

“You will be okay, I’ll make sure of it.”

Callum smiled at him, letting go of Ben’s hand, wiping his eyes again. 

“She said I could go home in a couple of weeks, I just need to heal a bit more.”

“She told me too, I’ll be so glad when your home. I’ll look after you. Whatever you need I’ll get it or do it for you cos I just want you to get better.”

“Well, apart from my brain being a bit useless, I will get better for you.”

Ben smiled at him, hooking his hand back around Callum’s. 

“Mick’s coming tomorrow too, you can look forward to that. We’ll take one day at a time, yeah?”

Callum nodded, feeling tired again. 

“We’ll do it together. But for now I think you should get some rest. You’ve had a long day with the doctor telling you everything. You look exhausted trying to keep your eyes open.” He smiled. 

He lay back down still holding Ben’s hand, still smiling at Ben. 

“Go to sleep.” He whispered, burying his hand in Callum’s hair, stroking him gently. He kept his hand there even when he’d fallen asleep, listening to his gentle breathing. 

“I’ll keep you safe, Cal.”


	38. Chapter 38

“Mick!”

Ben smiled at Callum, his eyes lighting up when he saw Mick. 

“Callum, it’s good to see you awake. How are you feeling today?” 

“Better, my ribs still hurt quite a bit, but I’ll get there, just want to go home.”

“You can soon. Don’t want you going home and then something else bad happening.”

“Pfft, Ben told me I’ve not had the most luck recently.”

“Yeah, but your gonna get better aren’t you?” Ben added, squeezing Callum’s hand in his. 

“Maybe...” He still wasn’t sure about his memory coming back to him. 

“Yes, you’ve had setbacks, but things are gonna start getting better now. We all love you and we’ll help you with whatever you want. I’m gonna be around all the time, your gonna get sick of me.” Ben smiled. 

Callum smiled back at Ben, trying to reassure him that everything would be okay. 

“How do you get to be so hopeful when I feel like Gods trying to tell me something?”

“Tell you what?” Ben laughed. 

“I don’t know! Everything bad just keeps happening to me. Well, so you tell me. I get hit by a car, I flatline and die then I’m in a coma for god knows how long and to top it all off, I can’t remember a thing! Did I do something really terrible in a past life like kill someone?”

Callum gasped staring wide eyed at Ben. 

“What?!”

“Or maybe I was a serial killer?!”

“Cal, now your just being silly.” Ben smiled. 

“Do I even believe in God?!”

“No! I don’t think your a serial killer, Cal. Stop stressin’ yourself out with all these theories, okay?! I’m gonna help you get better, cos I love you and your going to be fine. You just need to concentrate on getting your injuries better then you can come home.”

Callum looked at his lap, looking a little down.

“What’s wrong? I highly doubt your a serial killer Cal.” He smiled. 

Callum didn’t say anything. Ben dipped his head, trying to look at Callum. 

“Come on, Cal, you can go home soon.”

“Hopefully. Can you go get me some more water?”

“The jugs full?”

“It’s warm. Please.”

“Course I can.” 

Ben stood up, kissing the top of Callum’s head, letting go of his hand before leaving Mick and Callum alone. 

“You okay?” Mick asked. 

“Yeah...”

“You don’t look too sure.”

Neither said anything for a while. Mick waiting, knowing Callum wanted to ask him something. 

“Mick?...” He asked tentatively. 

“What’s up?”

Callum checked that Ben hadn’t come back before looking back at Mick. 

“I want you answer something for me and I want you to tell me honestly.”

“Yeah? Go on.”

“Did I love Ben? Before all this happened?”

Mick looked at Callum, slightly taken aback with the question. He looked at Callum as he sat wringing his hands together, looking at his lap. 

“Hey don’t be nervous. I reckon you did, yeah.”

Callum looked back up at Mick. 

“A lot?”

“Well, you were always smiling whenever you were with him, always talking about him if you weren’t with him. He made you very happy. He DOES make you happy.”

Callum sighed resting his head back.

“I don’t know...”

“Don’t know if you love him?”

Callum looked back up at Mick, sighing again. 

“No, it’s just I can’t remember how I felt about him before. I don’t know whether...”

“You CAN love him?”

“It’s more I don’t know how? I WANT to, but I can barely remember being with him. I just don’t know if I can say I love someone if I barely remember anything about them. And I feel so guilty.”

“Guilty? What have you got to feel guilty about?”

“I feel so guilty cos I know he wants me to love him... but I don’t know how, I can’t remember anything...”

“Hey, don’t cry!”

Mick stood up pulling Callum’s head to him as he cried. Mick rubbed down Callum’s back, trying to soothe him. 

“You need to talk to him, tell Ben this.”

Callum pulled away, shaking his head and sniffing slightly. 

“No,no. I can’t do that!”

“Why?”

“Cos I don’t want him getting upset cos he thinks I don’t love him. And I don’t NOT love him, I just can’t remember ever loving him. I know I care about him a lot, it’s just my stupid brain not doing what I want it to. I don’t want Ben to get upset cos he thinks I don’t care. When I do. Course I care about him it’s just the love thing.”

Mick smiled at Callum. 

“What?”

“You, your still trying to protect him, even though you can’t remember how you feel about him. He’d never think you don’t care.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Your not, okay? You’ve got to believe that. None of this your fault. You need to speak to him, he’ll understand whatever you say. You will won’t you?”

Callum nodded slowly, neither speaking for awhile. 

“Does he love me a lot?” He whispered. 

Mick looked back at Callum, smiling to him. 

“Definitely. I personally have never heard him say it before, apart from just, but he definitely does. Have you seen the way he looks at you? He adores you Callum. He’s been driving himself crazy over these past few weeks, with you being here. He was terrified you’d forget him.”

“I practically have... “

“No, you haven’t, Callum. You wouldn’t want him here, if you didn’t have a clue who he was. I know you know everything somewhere in your mind. You just need to find it all.”

“Don’t know how I’m gonna do that...”

“Just talk to Ben, tell him how you feel, you’ll both get through it together.”

“He told me he loved me yesterday day. I didn’t even know if he’d said it loads of times before or if he’d never told me before. He just said he wished he’d said it more. Probably said it cos I was upset.”

“I doubt it Callum. He’s not gonna lie to you is he?”

“It’s stuff like that that I should be remembering Mick! I don’t even know if he LOVES me?! How bad is that?!”

“He does!”

“But what am I supposed to say to him Mick? I can’t say it back. I don’t know how I can.”

“What did you say yesterday?”

“Nothing! I didn’t say anything! I just I know you do! I WANT to love him, cos he’s being so amazing these past few days, it’s just I can’t remember the whole part where I fell in love with him? I don’t when I did, how I did, if there was a particular place I did?!”

“You will remember, I know it. Just talk to him, he’s not gonna be angry is he?”

“Suppose...”

“He won’t be, trust me. You need to tell all of this to him, he’ll help you with whatever your going through. I know he’ll support you.”

Callum nodded, smiling at Ben when he walked back in with a new jug of water.

“The only thing he’s going to be angry about is he finds out your a serial killer...” Mick grinned.

Ben sat back down next him, immediately holding Callum’s hand again. 

“What did I miss then? Anything exciting? Wait, have you been crying?”


	39. Chapter 39

“Have you been crying?” Ben frowned at Callum, looking like he had been.

“No, course not. I’m okay, well apart from the broken ribs, and leg but I’m getting there.”

“You sure?” Ben was still convinced he’d been crying. 

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

Callum glanced at Mick, not looking pleased. 

“Oh, look who I found lurking outside.” Ben smiled. 

Lola walked in slowly, Lexi following, jumping onto Ben’s knee. 

“She insisted she wanted to come and see you.” Lola smiled. “Practically held me at gun point. Well, she pointed a rather sharp colouring pencil at me giving me one of her death stares, insisting she wanted to come and see you.”

Callum smiled at Lexi, giggling on Ben’s knee. 

“You been up to no good again?” He teased. 

“No! Bet you missed me.” She grinned. 

“Course I did darlin’” She smiled widely at Callum, satisfied with his response. 

“Thought she’d cheer you up anyway.” Lola said, sitting down next to Ben. 

Lexi grinned at Callum, grabbing his hand. 

“Daddy said you had a fall, but you’ll be coming home soon.”

“Yeah, I will soon-“

“Oo, we can play doctors and nurses! I’ll be the doctor and I can look after you! What have you got wrong with you now?”

“I don’t think we should play now, Lex...” Ben looked worriedly at Callum but he didn’t seem to mind. 

“Well, I’ve got a poorly arm haven’t I? And a poorly leg.”

Ben smiled at them both, placing Lexi on the bed next to Callum. He seemed a lot happier seeing her, smiling at her the whole while, able to forget worrying about his memories for a while. 

“Is that it?” She asked. 

“Is that it?! What else do you want to be wrong with me?” He laughed. She’d never understand his injured lung and unable to remember most things anyway.

“Just checking.” She smiled. 

“That’s it.” He confirmed. 

“You gotta put one of those thingys on then.”

“A cast?” He smiled. 

“Yeah, that’s it! Do you any have anything else wrong then?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, you’ll get better really fast won’t you? So you can come home.”

“Hopefully darlin’”

“Can I help look after you when you come home?”

“I’d love for you to be my doctor.” He smiled. 

Lexi grinned at him throwing her arms around his waist. 

“Please be careful, Lex!” 

“She’s okay, Ben. Honestly, I’m fine.” He noticed Ben’s worried face, scared she’d hurt him. 

“I promise, I’m okay.” He squeezed Ben’s hand, letting it go and stroking Lexi’s hair, still with her arms wrapped around him. 

“Lex, why don’t you give him what you made?” Lola told her. 

“Oo, I nearly forgot!” She took herself off Callum, grabbing what Lola had given her. 

“I made it!” Callum smiled at her looking really pleased with herself. “It’s a get well soon card!”

“I know, darlin’, it’s lovely.”

“That’s me, you and Daddy there.” She pointed to three little stick people on one side of the card, drawing him as twice as tall as Ben and her. And then there’s Mummy and Uncle Jay!” With ‘get well soon’ coloured in at the top. 

Callum read inside to himself, a tear slipping down his cheek. 

‘To Callum,

We all miss you at home loads and loads and want you to get better.  
I miss you the most! :)  
I’ll look after you lots when you come home, I’ll make you happy again. I love you to the moon and back!

Lots and lots of hugs and kisses, Love from,

LEXI! (And everyone else)’

“Don’t you like it?” Lexi looked concerned at Callum wiping his tears away.

“No, course not, I love it, sweetheart. This makes me very happy.”

“Really?” She grinned. 

“I love it. Look I’ll put it right here on the side and bring it home with me, when I come home.”

“You’ll keep it?”

“Course I am! Forever.” He smiled. 

“Me, you and Daddy on the front, that’s when we all went to the park together the other week? Can you remember when you had to get my kite from the tree cos everyone was too small to get it?”

Lexi lay down next to him, Callum wrapping his arm around her. Ben looked at Callum worriedly. 

“Yeah, course I do.”

“He got it for you didn’t he?” Ben added for him. 

“It had big rip in though.” Lexi huffed. 

“Ah, but you got an ice cream out of it, cos Callum can’t resist those sad eyes of yours.”

Lexi giggled, burying her head in Callum’s pillow, trying to hide. 

“I can’t wait til you come you home.” She sighed. 

“Neither can I. But no threatening your mum with pencils?” Callum smiled. 

“Fine.” She huffed. “I missed you!”

“I miss you too darlin’”

She fell asleep, lying next to Callum, on the bed, as he stroked her hair, holding onto his hand. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered to Ben. 

“What for?! You’ve got nothing to be sorry for!”

“Me not even remembering buying her an ice cream or us going to the park. Just said I did so I didn’t upset her.”

“It’s okay, we’ll get your memory back, then you’ll remember buying her a thousand ice creams, all the time.” He grinned. 

Ben squeezed Callum’s hand, letting him know he’d help him with whatever he needed.


	40. Chapter 40

It had been a few days since Lexi had visited Callum. Another few days until Callum could come home, Ben thought. 

Ben sat with his phone to his ear, glancing at Callum, holding his hand as he slept. 

“Have you still not found anything?”

“No, Ben! I don’t know what else you want me to do!”

“Come on, Tubbs, I need you to keep looking. I really need this.”

“I’m trying. I’ve literally looked over the whole of London for a black, BMW that’s damaged. I’m sorry, Ben, you know I’m looking.”

Ben sighed, looking at Callum stirring slightly. 

“I know you are, I do appreciate it, I just need to find that car.”

“Why do you need to anyway? You never did tell me. What do you want with a damaged BMW?”

“Cos that’s the car that hit my boyfriend and drove away without stopping. I am going to find that person if it kills me.”

“Hit Callum? When? A hit and run?”

“Yes! ‘Bout eight weeks ago now, that’s why I’ve got to find the car, to find the person.”

“Is that a good idea? You’ll do something stupid again, I don’t think you want to go back inside. I know I don’t if I can help it.”

“You know I don’t, Callum needs me right now. You can’t tell anyone about this by the way, not even me brother. I’ve not told him I’m doing this and I certainly can’t have the police and Nick finding out.”

“I’m not gonna tell anyone. I just don’t know what else I can do, I checked everywhere.”

“Come on, Tubbs, please, I really need this. Callum doesn’t even know what happened, not really. He’s stuck in a hospital bed with hardly any memories and so many broken bones, whilst that person is still out there. Cal knows he got hit just not the whole hit and run part. He won’t feel safe if I tell him the truth and that person is still out there. I’m not gonna lie to Callum if he asks. I need to find whoever did this, so I can tell Callum he’s safe without lying to him. I wouldn’t ask you, if I wasn’t desperate, you know I wouldn’t.”

“I get it, I can keep looking, but I can’t make any promises. I don’t know where else to-“

“Ssh, your okay, that’s it you go back to sleep darlin’” Ben let go of Callum’s hand stroking his hair instead when he looked up at Ben sleepily. He closed them again when he felt Ben’s hand running through his hair not noticing he was on the phone. 

“That’s it.” He turned his attention back to Tubbs. “Sorry, he just woke up. What was it you said?”

“I don’t know where else to look, Ben.”

“I don’t know either. What would you do with it?”

“Drive it far away. Think that’s why I can’t find it anywhere here.”

“Drive where though? What would you do with it? If it was me, I’d drive it into a lake or something. I’m gonna get nowhere if they’ve done that.”

“You could try some woods? Abandon it there somewhere? Where no ones goes?”

“Where’s there woods around here then? Or far away?”

“I’ll start checking there first before I start scuba diving.” He chuckled. 

“This isn’t funny, Tubbs. I can’t let them get away with this.”

“I know! I’ll check woods and around first.”

“Thank you. I owe you one, probably more than one but cheers anyway.”

Ben hung up as Callum opened his eyes again, realising Ben was talking to someone when it was just them two. 

“Who was that?” He asked, still half asleep. 

“Oh, just Cas.” Ben sighed to himself. He hated lying to Callum. But he was trying to protect him. 

Callum pushed himself up, wincing as he sat up. 

“You okay?”

“Mmm.” He kept his eyes shut for a few more seconds anyway, breathing out at the pain in his side. 

“Is it hurting still?”

“Yeah, it’s just me ribs. I’ll be okay. Don’t worry.”

Ben smiled at Callum, still worrying about him, even though it should be him worrying about Callum. 

“What did he want?” Callum asked. 

“Cas? Just checking up on me, he knows I worry about you.”

Callum didn’t say anything, still holding onto his side. 

“You don’t like him do you?”

“I don’t not like him, I just don’t know him. I keep thinking maybe I forgot him but then I remember I’ve never met before all this happened. It just throws me a bit.”

“I can ask him not to come if it’s stressing you out?”

“No, no. You don’t need to do that. He’s your friend. I know he’s helped you a lot these last few weeks. It’s good you’ve been able to talk to someone. I don’t want you driving yourself crazy not letting anyone help you. If Luke, Cas, whatever you call him, is helping you, then I want you to let him come here. I don’t mind, honestly.”

“Your amazing you know that?” Ben smiled, taking Callum’s hand in his. 

“I know.” He grinned. 

“Your still looking after me, even though your the one who should be being looked after.”

“I just want you to be okay too. But I’m expecting the full service when I come home, you know. You waiting on me hand and foot.”

“Don’t worry, I will.” He smiled. He hadn’t seen Callum this relaxed for a while, since he got upset when he couldn’t remember taking Lexi to the park. 

“I’m gonna hold you to that.” Callum grinned.


	41. Chapter 41

“Right, I’m gonna show you something, see if you can remember.”

Ben sat down next to Callum, determined to get him to remember. 

“I won’t know, Ben...”

“It might not take ages, for you to remember everything, it could just take one thing.”

Callum looked unsure, not wanting to upset Ben if he couldn’t remember. 

“What is it?” He sighed. 

Ben took his phone from the side, flicking through it for a few seconds, before turning it around to show Callum. 

It was a photo of the two of them when they were in the restaurant, just before the accident. 

“Anything?” Ben asked hopefully, letting Callum take the phone from from him. 

“I’m sorry, Ben. I can’t remember ever going to the restaurant with you. I know you told me we did, but I can’t remember being there, what it looked like, even when I was with you. I know the photo suggests I was, but I just don’t know...”

Callum stared at the photo for a while trying to remember something, anything. 

He could see how happy Ben looked, both them looking slightly tipsy, with Ben grinning at him waving his wine glass around. 

He flicked through a couple more, Ben kissing his cheek, another with them both trying not to look drunk and smile normally at the camera. 

“Come on, Cal, it’s okay. It was worth a try.” He tried to take the phone back, seeing Callum stressing himself out, but Callum pulled it away from him, flicking through more. Most of his camera roll, of the two of them and Lexi. 

“I can’t do this anymore...”

“Do what?”

“Lie to you...”

“Lie? Why are you lying to me? You aren’t are you?”

He took the phone away from Callum slowly, watching it until Ben put it down, switching his gaze to Ben instead. 

“Lie about what?”

“Us.”

“What about us? Why are you lying about us? We’re good aren’t we? I thought we were good?” Ben looked at Callum, not making any sense. 

“I may have told Mick, I don’t love you...”

“What? Is this because you don’t want me to look after you when you come home? Cos I want to. If your just saying that, because you want me to leave? I’m not going anywhere, Callum. I love you too much.”

“I know you love me, but I can’t say I do when I don’t how I feel, Ben! I can’t remember anything! And it’s driving me insane!”

Ben stood up, pulling Callum to him, as he sobbed into him. 

“Shh, It’s alright.”

“It’s not, Ben! It’s not alright!”

He pulled away, looking up at him. 

“You probably hate me cos I’ve told you that. Mick kept telling to tell you, but I couldn’t because I knew I’d upset you. And now I have, I can’t deal with you knowing that I can’t love you, when I know you want me to!”

Ben sat down, holding Callum’s hand. 

“Just slow down and breathe, yeah?”

“But I-“

“No, just wait. Just stop for a minute and slow down. Breathe.”

“I can’t! You need you to understand!”

“I am, just look at me. Look at me, Cal.” Callum looked up from his lap at Ben, trying to breathe normally. “I do understand. I’m not gonna hate you. I’d never ever hate you. You’ll work it out. We’ll work it out.”

“But what if I can’t remember again? I don’t not love you as such, I want to, I just can’t remember ever loving you.”

“And what if you do remember? You can’t be so negative all the time. You might remember tomorrow, next week, in a few months?”

“Why aren’t you upset?”

“Cos you can’t help it can you? It’s not like your choosing to forget. And it’s exactly what you said, you don’t not love me, you can’t remember. I’m staying right here, with you.”

“I do care about you, I know I do.”

“And that’s enough. I know I love you. As long we’ve got each other, then that’s enough. You being here is enough, Cal. I could have lost you, so I’m not gonna get upset about this. You’ve got to believe me when I tell you, I’m not going to leave you. Well, unless you really didn’t want me here.”

“Course I want you here. I don’t want you to leave, I just thought I’d upset you if I told you.”

“Do you want me here?” He asked again. 

“Yes! Course I do! I just said I do!”

“Well then, I’m staying and that’s all that matters, the rest we’ll work out together.”

Callum smiled at him, squeezing his hand. 

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For always knowing what to say. For making me feel better. Just for being you.”

“I just want you to be happy.”

“I want to be too, but I feel like I can’t without knowing my past.”

“I’m sorry.”

Callum looked up at Ben, searching his eyes.

“What for?!”

“For showing you that photo of us. It just stressed you out.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry, your just trying to help. It just made me realise that I couldn’t keep it from you anymore. I had to tell you. Your taking it better than I expected actually.”

“I’m glad you feel you can talk to me. Cos you can. About anything. I’ll never hate you, so stop worrying about that, okay?”

Callum nodded slowly. 

“I want to ask you something...”

“Go on.”

Callum looked at Ben for a while not sure whether to ask.”

“You can ask anything, Cal.”

“Nah, it doesn’t matter...” Callum looked away, taking his hand back from Ben.

“It matters to me.” 

Ben hooked his hand back around Callum’s, turning his chin gently to get Callum to look at him with his other. 

“Anything...” He whispered, stroking along Callum’s jaw. 

“Have I said I love you before?”

Ben nodded, Callum sighing to himself. 

“It’s okay, though. Honestly, I don’t want you feel pressured or anything. Cos I don’t mind.”

“You should. I’ve practically forgotten everything...”

He took his hand away from Ben again, staring into his lap. 

“Not everything. I’m gonna help you, we’ll work it out somehow, but I’m gonna do everything to help you get your memories back.” 

“Thank you. I don’t not love you, I just need to remember. Course I care about you, you’ve been amazing these past few weeks and Mick told me you’d hardly gone home to stay with me before I woke up. I know I could love you, I just need time.”

“You can have all the time you need. It doesn’t matter to me anyway, not right now. You just need to get yourself better, so you can home.”

“It matters to me. And I know it matters to you too.”

“Maybe, but I just want you home.” 

“Me too.”

Ben smiled at Callum, curling his hand around Callum’s hand again. 

“I’m gonna go get myself a coffee, will you be okay on your own?”

“Course I will, go on, make sure you get something to eat too, Lola keeps telling you your not eating properly.”

“Will do.” He stood up kissing the top of Callum’s hair, only letting go of his hand when he got too far away, letting it drop. 

Ben walked outside, sitting down on the nearest chair letting out a shaky breath. 

“You okay?” 

Ben looked up, sighing to himself when Jay sat next to him. 

“I’m okay.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah, I’m okay, I just...” Ben trailed off not even sure himself how he felt. 

“Yeah, go on.”

“I’m not upset, cos it’s not his fault. I don’t know...”

“What about? You can tell me.”

“I know, I don’t know how to put it. Basically Callum told me he doesn’t love me, but he thinks he does? I don’t know...”

“Cos he’s forgotten?”

“Yeah, he can’t remember ever loving me?”

“I’m sure he does. I bet somewhere in his mind he knows he loves you, he just needs to find it.”

“I wish it was just that easy...”

Jay wrapped his arm around Ben, trying to comfort him. 

“It’s gonna take time, but you’ll get through it.”

“I’m trying to stay strong for him, but it’s hard...”

“I know it is. You’ve got all of us though. And if you need someone to talk to, I’m here. And so is everyone else. He doesn’t not love you, he said so himself. Just try not worry about it all.”

“I try not to, but I can’t help it. I just want him to get better...”

“He will. I know he will.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because he’s got you with him, by his side through it all. Your both stronger together.” Jay smiled.


	42. Chapter 42

“Ben? What you doing sitting out here?”

Ben looked up at Holly, looking back down at his lap again. 

“You do know Callum’s in there?” She smiled. 

“I know. I was waiting for Jay, he’s gone to get coffee.”

“I reckon you’d like to hear this, you coming?”

Ben looked hopefully at Holly. 

“Something good?” 

“Yup, come on.” She disappeared into Callum’s room, Ben following instantly. 

“Right. I’ve checked the scans we did on your arm Callum and think that’s pretty much healed, so we can take that off.”

Ben smiled at Callum, his eyes lighting up at some good news for a change. 

“And you know what’s even better?” Holly smiled. “You can go home tomorrow.”

Holly smiled at them both, grinning at each other. 

“I can go home?”

“Yes! Bet you’ve been driving yourself crazy in here all the time.”

“Your definitely sure he’s ready?” Ben asked. He didn’t want anything else bad to happen to him. 

“I wouldn’t let him go, if I was concerned. You’ll have to live with crutches for a few weeks though. Your leg hasn’t quite healed yet.”

“I just want to go home.” 

Ben sent a quick text to Stuart, making sure he’d be here tomorrow for Callum.

“You can soon.”

“Can’t I go home today? You take my arm thingy off, then I can go home? Please. I really want to go home.”

“Well, I can’t exactly stop you.”

“I’ll do everything you say. I swear. Rest, I bet you’ll say. I’ll do that, Ben will make me anyway. I’ll take me meds too, and do whatever else you need me to. I really want to go home. I’m still gonna be the same tomorrow, so why can’t I go home today?”

Ben smiled at Callum, looking hopefully at Holly. 

“I’ll look after him.” Ben added, knowing Callum really wanted to go home. 

“Fine.” She sighed. 

“Yeah? I can go?” Callum grinned at Ben, holding his hand. 

“I’ll go get your meds, then we can sort your arm out.” 

“Yess. Thank you!”

“Hmm, if I find out you’ve been running a marathon...” She smiled. 

“I don’t think I’ll be doing much walking let alone running.” Callum added, nodding to his leg. 

Ben smiled at Callum looking happy for a change, as Holly disappeared.

“Your definitely feeling okay? I don’t want you making yourself too over tired and aching.”

“I’ll be okay, I really want to go home, Ben. I need proper food, you know it’s horrible in here.”

“I get you anything you want.” He smiled. 

“So your okay, with it?”

“Yeah, course I am. I want you home too, I just don’t want you to be hurting.”

“I’m bound to be a bit, but I’ll be okay.”

“If your happy, I’m happy.”

Callum shuffled down the bed, edging his way to the side, letting his legs hang down the side. 

“Okay?” Ben stood up, sitting on the bed instead, next to him. 

“Think so.” 

“How you gonna walk with your leg looking like that?”

“Crutches, Ben, crutches.” Callum rolled his eyes, grinning at Ben anyway. 

“Alright! Was only checking, your gonna be okay.”

“I know you worry. Might take me awhile to get to the car, though.”

“I don’t care how long it takes, as long as your okay.”

Callum rested his head on Ben’s shoulder, hooking his hand around Ben’s, both waiting for Holly. 

“Thank you, by the way. For everything. You’ve been amazing. I’m glad I’ve got you to help me.”

“You’ll always have me. You do realise Lexi’s gonna annoy you all the time.”

“She won’t. She likes helping. I’m sure you we can find something to let her do. I don’t mind, honestly.”

They both looked up when Holly walked back in, giving Ben Callum’s meds. 

“Right, you have them, cos Callum will need the crutches. You can have some when you get home, cos you’ll be very tired. And I can’t stress enough, you still need rest, okay?”

Callum nodded quickly, eager to get home. 

“Just make sure you do actually get enough rest, not doing anything too strenuous, cos your ribs are bound to hurt still and your lung will still be healing.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let him join any gyms.” Ben added. 

“Good. Take your meds, rest and don’t join gyms or run any marathons.” She smiled. Ben stood out the way, as Holly sorted his arm out. 

“Do you want help getting to the car?” She asked.

“Think I’ll be okay, I’ve got Ben anyway.” 

Ben kissed the side of Callum’s head, sitting back down next to him. 

“To home?” He asked.

“Home.” Callum smiled.


	43. Chapter 43

Ben held Callum’s hand, both of them standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up them to the flat. 

“Can’t you just stay at me Mum’s for a bit?”

“I want to stay at home, Ben.”

“Fine.” He huffed. “You go first, I’ll follow behind.”

Callum nodded, making his way up the stairs with his crutches, slowly. 

Callum got halfway, leaning against the wall, closing his eyes. 

“You okay?” Ben looked at him worriedly, scared he was going to hurt his lung again. 

“Yeah...” He breathed out. 

“Sure?” 

Callum nodded slowly, not even sure himself. He didn’t want Ben to worry. 

“Just a bit tired.” Callum told him. 

“Take as long as you need, Cal. You can rest when you get upstairs.”

“I’m already knackered.” 

Ben walked up the stairs next to him, pulling Callum’s arm around his shoulder. 

“I can put some weight on it, just aches a bit.” 

Callum smiled gratefully at Ben as they both made their way upstairs slowly. 

Callum took his arm back from around Ben, giving him his other crutch back. Callum went in slowly, spotting the sofa and making his way slowly to it, leaning the crutches on the side and sitting down slowly, wincing slightly. 

“Are you hurting?” Ben sat down next to him, as Callum held onto his side. 

“Not hurting as such, just aches. Don’t worry.”

“Well, you did break most of your ribs and punctured your lung. I bound to worry just a bit.” He smiled. “I always worry, don’t want you injuring yourself again.”

“I’ll try not to.” Callum smiled. 

“Do you... remember here?” Ben glanced at Callum, not wanting to upset him. 

Callum nodded, still looking around anyway. 

“It’s weird really, I can remember living here, but not any remember actually LIVING in it. I can remember the place, what it looked like, but not anything else, stuff I’ve done here, conversations, WHERE I’ve put stuff.”

“I’ll have to show you then won’t I? I’ve been here enough times.” Ben smiled, hooking his hand around Callum’s. 

“Yeah?”

“Course I will. Whatever you want to know, about anything, just ask. I doesn’t matter how silly it seems, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

“Thank you.” Callum smiled at Ben, tightening his grip on Ben’s hand. 

“Don’t you need your meds again?”

“Yeah, she said take some as soon as I get home and rest.”

“Your probably exhausted, moving around a lot today.”

“Just a bit.” Callum attempted to stand up, Ben jumping up quickly, holding onto Callum’s shoulders. 

“No,no, you stay there! I’ll get them.” Ben rubbed down his arms, smiling at him. “You don’t need to do anything. Whatever you need, I’ll get it for you, okay? You just stay there and have five minutes.” 

Callum smiled up at Ben as he stroked down the side of his face with the back of his hand.

“I’m glad your home.” He kissed the top of his head, before disappearing into the kitchen to get him something to drink. 

“Right, I think you should get some rest.” Ben was still concerned, Callum still holding onto his side. “Come on. You have those, you only need to make it to the bedroom, then you can sleep for a bit.”

Callum nodded making to stand up. Ben wrapped his arm around his waist, mindful of his ribs, helping him up. 

“Okay?” Callum nodded, making his way to the bedroom slowly, Ben following behind him. 

“You sure your okay?”

“Yeah, Just tired.”

“I’m just worried about you.”

“I know you are, but I’ll be okay.”  
He sat down on the edge of the bed slowly. 

“Your definitely feeling okay?” He asked again. 

“Think so, just ache and feel shattered. I’m still the same as I was the last three hundred times, you asked.”

“Sorry.” He winced. 

“I’m kidding. I know you worry.” 

All Ben wanted to do was to lie with him, hold him and keep him safe, forever. 

“You look exhausted.”

“Cheers.” Callum smiled. “Stay. Please.” 

Ben walked round the other side of the bed, sitting next to him, holding his arm out. 

“Come ‘ere.”

Callum shuffled closer to Ben, resting his head on his chest, as he wrapped his arm around Callum. 

“Comfy?” 

“Yep.” 

“Don’t want you being uncomfortable whilst your sleeping.”

“I’m good here, with you.” 

Ben smiled down at him, Callum closing his eyes and burying himself further into Ben’s shirt, as he stroked down Callum’s side slowly. He held Callum’s other hand in his own, staying with him. 

They’d been there for about half an hour, Callum still not falling asleep. 

“I thought you’d be fast asleep by now.”

“Can’t go sleep.” He looked up at Ben as he stroked his hair from eyes.

“What’re thinking about?”

“Trying to remember what happened. I know you told me but I’m trying to remember myself.”

“You don’t need to worry about that right now. Just close your eyes and try not to think about any of it now. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know later. Right now, all you need is sleep, Cal.”

Callum nodded closing his eyes again, as Ben laced his fingers through Callum’s hair, stroking him slowly making him sleepy. He knew he’d gone to sleep, breathing deeply and slowly, after about another half an hour. 

He buried his nose in Callum’s hair, breathing him in, sending a silent thank you to whoever let Callum live. 

“I love you.” He whispered into his hair. 

He didn’t know if he could ever live without Callum in his life and would do anything to keep him safe.


	44. Chapter 44

Ben sat with Callum asleep in his arms for a while, wrapping his arms around him, keeping him warm. 

He jumped when someone slammed the front door to the flat, making Callum stir slightly.

“Ssh...” Ben stroked his hair a couple of times, making sure he was okay, before placing him gently on his own pillow, as he slid out of bed. 

He shut the door quietly, glaring at Stuart when he spotted him. 

“Sshh, he’s asleep! Could you be any louder?!” He hissed but still whispering. 

“Who’s asleep?”

“Oh for god’s sake Stuart, who do you think? It’s just my fancy man I’d bring back here before Callum comes home!” Ben rolled his eyes, busying himself with mugs and making them both a coffee. 

“Callum’s home?” 

“Yes! Now can you be quiet please, he’s only just dropped off, took him ages, keeps trying to remember something.” He was still whispering to Stuart, not wanting to wake Callum up yet. 

“Thought he was coming home tomorrow. Your text definitely said tomorrow?”

“He was meant to be, but he wanted to come home so they discharged him, with strict instructions to rest and he can’t do that with you making as much noise as possible!”

“I’d have been quiet if I’d have have known he was home! You could have called me, I’d have helped.”

“Yeah well, he just wanted to come home, so I brought him back here myself- ‘Ere.”He gave Stuart a coffee, sitting down on the sofa. 

“Thanks. How is he?” Stuart sat down on the other end of the sofa, both talking quietly to each other now. 

“Exhausted. Think it still hurts a bit but he’s just had some more of his meds and he’s sleeping so that might help. He was already tired, but it took it out of him just walking to the car and getting up the stairs here.”

“Was he okay? Yeah just knackered and a bit sore.”

“Has he still not remembered anything?”

“No...”

“Thought he might if he came home.”

“Yeah well, it’s gonna take time. Something might trigger his memories I just need to find out what.”

“I’m kind of glad he can’t remember in a way.” Ben frowned at Stuart. 

“Why would you want him to forget?”

“Cos he can’t remember what Jonno’s like then can he? Doesn’t have to know that he’s got a waste of space for a father does he?”

“I’m not a fan of Jonno, but surely you still want him to remember? I know I do. I need to try something.”

“He’s practically forgotten everything.”

“Not everything. The doctor said it’s his physical memories, the stuff he’s actually lived. Like the stuff he’s done or said.”

“You can’t tell him everything he’s ever said?” Stuart frowned. 

“I might take him places, that might trigger something first.”

“You think that might work?”

“Dunno. Gotta try though.”

Ben stood up, walking to the bedroom opening the door slowly. 

He leaned against the door, smiling to himself. Callum was still fast asleep. He’d ended up on Ben’s side of the bed, sleeping on Ben’s pillow breathing gently, burying his nose into it. He looked so peaceful, not hurting or worrying about everything. Just calm.

“Is he okay?” 

“For crying little loud Stuart, would you stop making me jump!”

“Sorry, I was just asking?!”

“He’s asleep still. I think he’s too tired to hear you walking round like an elephant.”

“Calm down! I was just checking on him.”

Ben closed the door to the bedroom, slowly, making Stuart come away too.

“He just needs rest right now.”

“You know, he’s going to keep worrying about his memories?”

“Yes, Stuart, I’m quite aware of that.” Ben rolled his eyes at him, both of them sitting back down on the sofa. 

“I’m gonna help him get his memory back, if it kills me, Stuart.” Ben told him.


	45. Chapter 45

Ben stroked Callum’s hair, as he lay across the sofa his head in Ben’s lap closing his eyes.

Ben stopped stroking looking over at him. 

“You okay, your quiet?”

“Everything aches.” Callum whispered. 

“I know darlin, it will get better though. You only came home yesterday. And I’m gonna be here for you. Whatever you need or want, you only need to ask and I get it or do it for you.” 

He started stroking his hair again, Callum smiling to himself. 

“I love you, you know that? You don’t need to say it back I know you still don’t remember but I’m gonna try and do everything to help you.”

“I know you will. I just feel so useless cos I can’t remember about us.”

“Hey! Your not useless. Enough of that, Mr!” He turned Callum’s head so he was looking up at Ben his hand over the side of his face, keeping him looking up at him. “You hear me?! Your anything but! This isn’t your fault, okay?”

Callum nodded reluctantly, still looking up at Ben. 

“I said I’m gonna try and help and I will. Whatever you want to know I’ll tell you or show you.”

“Might make me remember...”

“It doesn’t matter if you don’t, Cal.” 

He smiled at Callum trying to make him feel a little better. He carried on stroking his hair back away from his eyes.

“I still love you even if you can’t remember about us. You still you, that’s enough.” 

Callum looked up at Ben searching his eyes for a while. 

“I love you.” He finally said. Ben looked at Callum looking up at him. He could see it written in his face, Callum feeling like he was supposed to say it or expected to but didn’t know if he should have.

“You don’t have to say it. You can’t help that you can’t remember.”

“I’m so sorry, Ben, I don’t how how I’m supposed to feel anymore. I can’t remember anything...”

“Hey don’t be sorry. Don’t cry! You don’t need to get upset, It’s not your fault.” He wiped away Callum’s tears, stroking his hair off his forehead. 

“Everything just feels so foggy. Like I’ve got this void where everything should be there but it’s not. I can’t remember hardly anything apart from people and a few other stuff. I just want to remember...”

“I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

“Everything would be helpful.” He sighed too himself. 

“Then everything it shall be.”  
Callum smiled at Ben, knowing Ben would tell him anything if he wanted to know. 

“This feels nice though.” He grinned, Ben running his hand through Callum’s hair. 

“You loved that before too. I like doing this anyway.” Ben smiled back at him, gently massaging the top of his head. 

“Will you tell me everything?”

“Whatever you want. Only with one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“That I only tell you little bits at a time. Cos I don’t want you driving yourself crazy trying to remember it all.” Callum nodded, still looking up at Ben as his stroked his hair, playing with it slowly. 

“Tell me one thing now.”

“There’s a lot I could tell you, do you wanna know something in particular? Something small to start off with though, don’t you overwhelming yourself.”

Ben carried on stroking Callum’s hair whilst he thought of something to ask him that wasn’t too complicated. 

“I’ve got so many questions...” Callum said more to himself than Ben. 

“I know, but I don’t want you stressing to remember everything now.”

“Erm... oo, I’ve got one.”

“Fire away.”

“Do I put my milk in first or last when I make tea? Do I even like tea?” He added to himself. “I think I like tea... “ 

Callum looked up when Ben didn’t answer noticing his face. 

“Seriously? Of all the things you ask, you ask if you put your milk first or last?”

“Yess?! It’s important?! I know people always have these arguments over it! And I can’t remember can I? Do I even like tea? Or coffee? Do I like coffee?”

Ben laughed shaking his head at him, still running his fingers through Callum’s hair. 

“Last. Definitely last. And you can’t get up in the morning without your coffee.”

Callum looked away from Ben letting out a long sigh. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I just can’t believe that I don’t even know if I like tea or coffee...”

“It’s okay.” He soothed, he’d not stopped stroking Callum’s hair since he lay on him, making Callum slightly sleepy. “You like both.”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to tell me, I should know.”

“I don’t mind. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. You will ask if you want to know anything else though? You can talk to me and tell me or ask me anything, always at any time of day. Or night. I don’t care if you wake me up and want to talk to me.”

Callum looked back at Ben, smiling at him. 

“Thank you. Your a good person, Ben.”

“I just want to help you.”

“You are. A lot.”

“Tell you what, how about I just make you one, yeah?” 

Callum nodded smiling at him. 

“Lift up. Slowly, don’t want you havin’ internal bleeding or somethin’ again.” Callum smiled at Ben as he made sure he was okay and wasn’t hurting before going to the kitchen. 

Callum sat cross legged on the sofa waiting for Ben to return. 

He brought four mugs over placing them carefully on the side. 

“Bought something else too, you love these.” He gave Callum a packet of chocolate digestives.  
“You get grumpy when there’s none in the flat or if Stuart or Rainie nicks the last one.”

Callum smiled at Ben, telling him little things just to make him feel better. 

“Why you got four mugs?”

“Cos I got two teas and two coffees for us to try!” Ben grinned at Callum giving him the tea taking one for himself. 

“You didn’t have to have two, if you didn’t want. 

“I wanted to.” He smiled. “Now come on, it’s a good job I’m thirsty.“ Ben grinned.


	46. Chapter 46

“Woah, slow down!” Callum moved out of the way, Ben carrying loads of bags, into the flat. 

“Sorry, you okay?” Ben pressed a quick kiss to Callum’s cheek, heading to the kitchen. 

Callum looked down at his cast on his leg. He was still rubbish at using his crutches, hobbling around in them when Ben had gone out shopping. 

“Yeah, I’m good, just wondering why your in such a rush.”

“I’m not in a rush, just excited.”

“What for? You only went shopping, Ben?”

“I’ve got loads of stuff for you. I know you only came home a couple days ago, but I don’t want you getting bored cos your stuck in here all day.”

Callum smiled at Ben, wanting to say something, but he was too busy trying to breathe, out of breath from walking around whilst Ben was out. 

Ben frowned at Callum, closing his eyes, dropping his head down. He left all the bags on the kitchen counter, walking round to Callum. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah...”

“You don’t look okay. Why are you up anyway? You know what the doctor said.”

“Take it easy and rest.” Callum rolled his eyes. 

“Come on, Cal, don’t be like that. You could do more damage if your doing too much. Please will you sit down?”

“I’m bored, Ben!” Ben held onto Callum’s arm, helping him walk back to the sofa. 

“I know you are darlin’ but you can’t do so much.”

“I was only walking.” Callum huffed. 

“But you need to take it easy.”

Callum groaned as he sat down, clutching his side, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“See?! Are you okay?”

Callum nodded, breathing heavily. 

“I’ll be okay, just give me a minute. It’s just my side aching again.”

“Take as long as need.” Ben hooked his hand around Callum’s, stroking across it lightly. “Have you had your meds?”

“No...”

“Callum! Your bound to be in pain, if not your taking your painkillers!”

“I was! But I got waylaid...”

“Come on, Cal, you need to listen to the doctors. Rest and take your meds. Your so stubborn sometimes.” Ben smiled. 

“I was just trying to get better at walking with these stupid things. I hate ‘em.” He huffed.

“I know you do. You won’t have to have the crutches soon, if you just let it heal, instead of putting so much pressure on it.”

Callum nodded, pressing a kiss to Ben’s temple. 

“I’ll go and get your meds, then I’ll show you everything I’ve got you.”

Callum smiled at Ben, squeezing his hand, before letting his hand go. 

Ben kissed Callum’s hair as he stood up, heading to the kitchen. 

Callum lay down on the sofa closing his eyes, concentrating on his breathing, trying to ease the pain in his side. 

~*~

“I’ve got your meds...”

Ben trailed off, sitting back down slowly on the end of the sofa, stroking Callum’s hair out of his eyes. 

He’d fallen asleep, whilst waiting for Ben, no doubt exhausted from walking about. 

Ben sat with him, even breathing heavily in his sleep, still holding onto his side. 

He sighed looking over Callum. The cast on his leg, more cuts still on his face and hands, knowing his side still looked really bad with bruises and more grazes scattered across him. 

Ben ran his hand through Callum’s hair, smiling at him mumbling to himself. 

“M’Stayin ‘ere...”

“I know, darlin’, just go to sleep.”

“Tired...” He whispered.

Ben smiled at Callum, scrunching his nose up, trying to hide his face. He lifted Callum’s head up, placing a pillow underneath him. 

He wrote Callum a note, leaving all the stuff he’d bought him on the coffee table, and his meds he still hadn’t taken on the side, next to the note. 

Ben pressed a kiss to Callum’s head, Callum smiling to himself in his sleep, before he left to go and talk to Tubbs. He had to find the person who did this to Callum.


End file.
